Feeling Hopeless
So I asked DH to consider sending SS15 to BM for Spring Break...we've been down this road before and she has not put in the same effort of compromise (financially or interest). I asked DH to forget the financial aspect and just consider...I figure will cross that bridge when we get to it if she'd seem legitimately interested. I'd be lying if I didn't say I also was looking forward to enjoying our Spring Break without SS around... and also for him to get an idea of what life might be like if he was to go back (as he's made it obvious he wants to do)no matter how short lived. Anyway, I suggested DH mention it to SS to see if he was even interested (he hasn't seen her face to face in about 2+/-years) DH did speak with SS about it and surprisingly enough SS said he wasn't sure he wanted to bother talking to her about it because of the lack of effort on her part for opportunities before. Also DH went on and on with me about how he doesn't even want to deal with speaking to her and hearing her excuses. Nevertheless I dropped the subject, feeling defeated and for obvious reasons, I pouted because it doesn't look I'll get my way. DH said he will eventually send BM a message that they should talk about it and then he can see how interested she is. But honestly I feel like she'll just blow smoke around...if she bothers to call at all. UGH! Sooooo pissed about this dysfunction between all of us...including the BM. Count down to HS graduation...because apparently that's how much longer I will have to deal.
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So if you want to enjoy your
So if you want to enjoy your Spring Break why don't you plan a trip with some girlfriends? Leave SS at home with his father.
There's 5 of us including
There's 5 of us including SS...Spring Break is usually when we do our family trips/vacay. We were going to stay local this year so among other stated reasons...I thought maybe a perk for SS would be to leave us.
What do you think is going to
What do you think is going to happen when he graduates HS?
Just a little bit of a reality check here. Most Skids/Bios don't leave the nest as soon as they graduate HS. Some, like my SS, sit on their asses and eat you out of house and home until you get fed up and kick them out. (Which I did)
If there are already 4 of you, what's one more going to make a difference? It would be great if you were able to get rid of ALL the kids and enjoy time alone with DH, but it sounds like even without SS there will be 2 other kids to deal with anyway.
If he doesn't want to go to his BM, I wouldn't send him. All that will happen is that he'll get brainwashed over there and come back WAY worse. You'll have to then break him in again.
I don't believe in nor was I
I don't believe in nor was I raised to accommodate "seating on your ass" after HS...his plans are in motion now and he will be 18 before he actually graduates. Whether that means he joins military (which he is leaning hard on) or college (which he's flirted with but I'm not holding my breath), or working....no matter the choice there is a deadline on room and board for any "of age" person living in my house. "What does one more make a difference?"...maybe I wasn't very transparent...what I mean to say is I want my usual family vacay/QT (by the way the other 2 are our bio)WITHOUT him...period. You are sooooo right about the brainwashing because there are little changes that occur just when he talks to her over the phone, but he didn't say he doesn't want to go...he just said he was nervous about asking her...I think he actually is learning some of her behaviors and is trying to protect his feelings OR because he such a manipulator he could have just been saying that to appear that he wasn't really that interested...I don't know for sure. But he does need to have a wake up call with her in his physical presence, just thinking this might be the opportunity.
I have no advice to give;
I have no advice to give; only know this. I am right there with you. My SS11's BM is so far out of the picture that I know there is no respite for DH and myself until SS graduates. I have a calendar where I count down the 7 years left till he turns 18. DH thinks I am joking. I am not.
I hear ya "PecanFlower" it's
I hear ya "PecanFlower" it's definitely noted in my mental calendar. Such a shame when we all can't co-parent together...I think that's where a lot of problems for the skid come from.
The MBM wouldn't even take
The MBM wouldn't even take him when he was removed from his BM...saying she had her "vacation coming up". I really don't know her story...because over the years she calls entirely more than the BM, sends him Bday and Xmas cards. From what I understand she's always had a little something off about her and her relationship with BM and BM's other kids. Other than her, there isn't anyone else....believe me I've investigated for a more permanent solution in the past.
Again...that co-parenting
Again...that co-parenting factor is thrown out the window with some of these bio parents...I don't understand why you would refuse to spend some one on one time with your child. I am a little envious of you though...it's only a dream of finding joy in being with my SS. I do care for him....I'd like to think that my maternal side naturally does that..."care"...meaning...wanting him to do well in the future, succeed, be happy and find fulfillment. I'm sure you and DH definitely deserve some time alone...hope you get it ASAP...keeps the "crazy" at bay.
We certainly have different
We certainly have different circumstances but I feel like you just ripped a page out of my diary with all that you said. Good luck to you and DH. You will have some tough choices ahead....and my mother use to always say "The bigger the kid the bigger the problem". I always kinda laughed it off but I'm seeing that holds true to soooooo much.