Really want straight answers please!
My DH is really struggling. He lost his job around Thanksgiving, and though he got a few temp things since then, he's in financial dire straits, and he's freaking out. He has been paying WAY TOO MUCH CS, for years, on top of giving Bitchface money whenever she screamed/threatened(we put a stop to that at least)but only just started the process to amend the CS. We are waiting to get that settled and have a realistic CS payment. In the meantime, he has been making all the CS payments until last week. Now he is having panic attacks because he is afraid his ex will try to have him arrested if he can't pay. There must be a grace period for unemployment or something, but he is not exactly rational when he is in the throes of a panic attack. I know there are stories of deadbeat dads who have not paid in years who never go to jail, but DH is petrified. I asked our lawyer, but she didn't explain anything, just said "don't worry, it won't happen".... I would like any firsthand info, good or bad about this. His ex is cruel and vindictive, and his son whi is 8, called him in tears saying "mommy is going to have them put you in jail!" Seriously. One late CS payment. She has his son in tears. Ugh. Anything you can tell me would help. What needs to realistically happen before the court can treat DH like a criminal? Putting him in jail would help exactly no one, as he still would have no money, but Bitchface CrazyPants would love it, i have mo doubt.
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I have a HUGE problem with
I have a HUGE problem with parents, CP OR NCP, that discuss child support with the children. That is unacceptable. I wish I had some advice to give based on experience, but I do not. I have never heard of one case, however, where a NCP was put in jail for 1 late/missed payment.
Agreed - it's not any of the
Agreed - it's not any of the child's business nor can the child make any difference.
Feel bad you're faced with such a crazy BM. That just sucks. Get yourself a lawyer and make sure DH is documenting everything as far as his personal ordeal goes: job hunting, temp work, etc. so he can prove he's done his very best.
Depends on your state and how
Depends on your state and how CS is paid. Does he pay CS directly to her or the state? Through the courts or what?
Reality even DOR wont touch it until he is more than 30 days late. Then there is the legal process to prove he is "failing to support" and that has to have a hearing before a warrant can be issued...etc etc etc.
Since your DH is unemployed and YOUR income is not factored in for taking care of the kids.. he definately needs to go through the CS Mod. But no a cop is not going to come knocking on your door with a new set of bracelets for him just because he is not even a week late on a CS payment.
But document and let your attorney know she is telling the kids she is giong to have daddy arrested.
Missing a CS payment isn't
Missing a CS payment isn't going to land your DH in jail.
He does need to make every possible effort to pay, but missing one payment isn't going to do him in. I assume he's filed for a court date to ammend the order...? Does he have one yet?
Is he collecting unemployment? If not, he needs to.
I'm so sorry. I have no
I'm so sorry. I have no advice but I just wanted to say how bad I feel for you. This is the kind of "what if" nightmare I have all the time.
He can make a partial
He can make a partial payment. In our state, as long as you're paying ANYTHING - even just like 20 bucks a month - they won't put you in jail.
I agree have him pay anything
I agree have him pay anything he can. Even 5 bucks will be something. Taxes are coming up and if his CS is ran through the state they will take anything he is behind in, then BM will have nothing against him. How many years has he been paying? Is this the first time he has been behind? If you have filed for the modification they should make it effective back to the date the modification was filed not when it actually goes through.
To answer a bunch of
To answer a bunch of questions without having to separately answer several times : yes, he is getting some unemployment (though that was recently held up because the DOL fucked it up somehow) yes, he is documenting all of his applications and temp things for unemployment and in general, he pays CS through the DOR, not to Bitchface directly.
Though the DOR apparently gave Bitchface a statement that he was short $60 from last month, and did not tell DH, which I thought was really weird. Or she claims they did, but since I have not seen this document I am suspicious. $60 is like 1/3 of one week's payment, btw, not an entire payment or anything. He is way overpaying.
I would ignore her until you
I would ignore her until you hear from the DOR.
She's probably trying to make your SS scare your DH into conning you or someone else into paying. She's scrambling because she's mad she hasn't received her money.
SD6's mom did this when she didn't receive her payment in 2 halvess the first month of DHs job. They didn't have it set up to take it out of his paycheck yet. He paid everything at the end of the month, it was not late, CSE told him that was fine. She called saying he could not see or talk to SD until he paid (because of course, he has to pay to have a relationship with his child). This was conveniently after she 'accidentally' claimed SD on her taxes on DHs year & we had to wait an extra THREE MONTHS for DH to get his 3,000 tax return.
Then all I can say it must
Then all I can say it must not be through the state of Indiana. We forgot the docket fee of 55 bucks before and they took it. Is he writing in to the state or her?
Why has he been way
Why has he been way overpaying?
All I can say is... it's
All I can say is... it's really unfair/awful/terrifying how inconsistently family law is applied!
https://www.childsupport.ny.g
https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/DCSE/LocalOffices_input.action
https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/publications.html
http://otda.ny.gov/programs/publications/4721.pdf
http://otda.ny.gov/programs/publications/4960.pdf (especially check this one out- it talks about what to do if circumstances change)
He also needs to file for unemployment benefits ASAP. I'm sorry you're in this situation-best wishes.
My DS is 23 years old. His
My DS is 23 years old. His "father" still owes over $13,000 in arrears. He has never been inside a jail ONCE for not paying CS. Judges can suck but even they are smart enough to know that throwing the NCP in jail will NOT make it easier to pay the CS!
Vindictive BMs are the only ones who think this will accomplish anything. And SHAME ON HER for discussing this crap with a child. Especially one who is now scared as heck that poor daddy is going to jail! That SKANK!
Have him file for a modification IMMEDIATELY. Don't just go to CSE - they can/will take less and just submit partial payments - but that still gives an arrears that will keep growing. But an actual modification would be based on his current income (probably just unemployment benefits?).
Thanks all for the support. I
Thanks all for the support. I will check out the links, too, tho we are not dealing with NY, maybe i can find the equivalent. This is not even The Worst Part. DH could not make the payment for the ACA health insurance so he can't even see a doc yet, but he confessed to me last night he has been thinking of suicide a lot, even started a note. So on top of the financial distress I am trying to keep him together and keep him from self-harm. I am looking for a local mental health support group, but there is so little we can afford, and we don't want courts to think he is a danger to the kids in the future someday because he is having such a shitty time now. We have a lawyer, but i feel like she took us for a ride, promised the moon and left us with zilch but $8k in debt. It has been a fucking awful few months.
What state are you from? Each
What state are you from? Each state has boatloads of info on reducing cs if the ncp cannot meet their obligations.
My kids dad owes them
My kids dad owes them $72000....and hasn't spent 1 day in jail over it...which sucks...he'll get a job ...they'll send 3 or 4 checks and it stops again..so I dont see how if you miss one payment you'll go to jail...but then again I live in NC.....so I know.... I'll never get it and he'll never do time or be force to pay it
Please calm your DH down
Please calm your DH down sweetie. NO state is going to put him in jail over this!!!!!! My Ex (Ohio) can be 3 full months behind before they even try to put a hold on his Drivers License!!! It has to go waaaay beyond that for jail to even be considered!!!! (i know thats the same for MI too).
He needs to write cs office a letter explaining all of this to them with a pmt of say $10 or whatever you can afford. Shows goodwill & good faith. The nice folks at child supp agency have dealt with this kinda thing allllll the time. With our ailing economy- people loose their jobs, things happen. Hes NOT a bad guy for it!!! She is tho. Having her young child get involved? Shame on her!!! Ugh. I hate moms who do that crap!!!!! Ugh!!!
Please. Dont let this affect your DH to the point of suicidal thoughts!!!!!! Poor guy!!! Breaks my freaking heart! Hang in there. Make some calls to child supp enforcement. Ease your DHs poor heart!!!
Thanks... It's kind of a wave
Thanks... It's kind of a wave cycle, like when it hits the peak and crests it's the worst, and he gets so upset he finally admits he is having these thoughts, then it sort of breaks and gets a bit better. I want him to get help, because suicidal thoughts and depression don't have to have anything to do with ration or reason, they make you sure life is just going downhill forever. He has been better since I posted the first one, but it is certainly hard.