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Family Christmas Card...

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 12/10/2013 - 1:51pm

I just really want a year where I don't feel guilty looking at the family Christmas card. When SD went to live with BM, that year I didn't do a card. The next year is was a store bought card. The last two years, I took pictures from our vacations and did a nice card. I used to do a family letter for years when it was my BS and I. I started it because after my husband died, I wanted everyone to know I was ok. Well, when she left, there was such a black cloud, I couldn't figure out what to write. So that stopped. With the Xmas card the last couple years, SD didn't live here so she wasn't included. This year, same thing. I actually thought that since she was coming back for dinners, we could do a family pic and use that this year. But, no her behavior of demanding we treat her with respect and not criticize has caused her to no longer be welcome here again...So yet again, I need to do the family card and she won't be on it. Just another reminder of what this kid has done. We have nice pics of the boys and us that are from our Xmas cruise last year that I used. Card looks nice. But, it is always a reminder of her behavior and the way she treats DH and the rest of us.

I did talk to him about it and he said fine. At the same time, her senior portraits show up. I had to seek out the photographer myself when DH saw the pics on Facebook and order a couple so I could scan them and then when she graduates have a pic to send to DH's side of the family. Told him, that they would be on my desk until spring and we could see where we were with her, whether or not we would order announcements. I did tell him, that I am not throwing her a party like we did for BS18. All my friends and family came and BS got enough money to finance his expenses and books this year. I am not doing that for a child that doesn't like us.

Just another reason, that I leave for Xmas every year. She is definitely not going on vacation with us and I am sure she doesn't realize it yet. She won't reach out to DH since her last text a week ago to tell him she got into the last choice college. Of course she got in, her grades are a 2.7 and there attendance is low, so they will take her. But, no response since he told her that he will always have an opinion on how she is behaving, particularly if it is not appropriate and she can't ask him to stop being a father. Seriously, blended families at Xmas suck...

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 12/10/2013 - 1:59pm

this is the first year that a skid (sd15) is living with us for Chrismtas. Therefore? I am not doing Christmas cards. I'm not going through that drama, bullshit of putting her name on some of the cards (MIL, SIL, DH's family) because {gasp} I will be the wicked excluding SM if I don't. And then not putting her name on the cards to my family, friends etc. because they have never even met her and could care less.

It's just drama for me and I refuse to. Don't like it? Lump it!

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Tue, 12/10/2013 - 2:03pm

I just sign our cards "UFR, DH & Kids". No picture cards either. I have 3 kids, 2 of which are adults and no longer live with us, he has 2, one adult and SD. No point in putting all of them on a photo card. Less stress.

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Tue, 12/10/2013 - 2:19pm

I did cards last year with a pic. I wont' be doing them this year because time got away from me & I didn't feel like it.

This will probably be an issue when we have our own children, because I wont' want to schedule picture taking around SDs EOWE pics & so she probably won't be in them.

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Tue, 12/10/2013 - 3:00pm

SD17 and I were disengaged last year, living in the same house was hell. I told DH I would live up to what I felt my responsibility was which was to get her to graduation this year in June 2014 and then after that that she would need to find someplace else to live because I was done.

SD17 if you were to meet her you would turn and tell me how adult she is, and how polite. I have said to many many people including my own father who thought she was just so wonderful and grown up that she may speak and sound like an adult, but her thought processes are very much that of a 12 year old.

When SD14 came for the summer and SD17 started to bully her about interacting with my kids and I, I allowed DH 2 warnings to her after that I promised I would reengaged to protect and make SD14 comfortable in her fathers home and it was not going to be pretty.

Strike 2 came and DH handed out the warning to SD17. And SD17 knew the next straw was mine, she moved out to MIL.

I have already cut her Christmas amount in half. DH and I ran into her in a store a couple of weeks ago and she couldnt even respond when I said hello to her. She has used regressional aggression tactics with inlaws and over all has been a royal bitch to me. Why would I treat her evenly. She cant stand living with me so therefore why would I take her on vacation?

Im sick of including abusive people in my life...as are you. Your right on with this entry

SteelRose's picture

Submitted by SteelRose on Tue, 12/10/2013 - 5:13pm

"Im sick of including abusive people in my life..."

whatwasithinkin, I feel this way too. Just kicked ss20 out over the weekend, ss16 treats me like I am the monster, why would I do anything to include them in my cards sent out for c.mas?