In my case SD13 is always put before me. She's not even a bad kid but I can't stand to be around her. To me she represents the things DH doesn't do for me (sounds selfish I know). He's a totally different person when she's around. She comes over and he turns into this no fun walking on egg shells fool. He also tries to prove that he's the boss or something when comes over. Also in my opinion he tries to have highly inappropriate conversations in front of her. This last visit he gave her all kinds of details about my new car and our new alarm system not to mention he question me about a $30 grocery purchase that he wasn't aware of in front of her like I was trying to bamboozle him (he used the word bamboozle). I'm sure she told BM all about that one. If anyone is trying to bamboozle the ass it's SD13 and BM! Usually he doesn't give a shit about any of these things. I handle all things but when she shows he's always trying to prove he's the shit! Drives me insane!

I think a lot of the resentment towards step kids is due to the parent that puts the kid before their partner. It's probably not SS himself that you resent, it's the place in your relationship that your DH has put SS.

So, when they say, "You hate my kid", they need to step back and think about why, in some cases, that may be true.

You should tell DH how that made you feel. Let him know that he's driving you to hate his son. Maybe he will think twice before he lets 'stupidity' escape his mouth.

Yeah, I find I pull myself back too sometimes because some (err A LOT) of my SS's antics are not really his fault. It's like being mad at Paris Hilton for not knowing what Walmart is. I suppose if you only shopped on Rodeo Drive for all your life, you wouldn't know what a Walmart is either.

I know why you feel this way and it has probably been building for a while.

Your DH took something that meant something to the two of you that you have obviously been excitedly discussing and planning for months and made it not about you and him and what you have accomplished but made it about him and his son. And I will bet he didnt blink when he did it because men are stupid like that.

And you flipped with emotion. And when they do that men shut us off and throw the defense out. Some use the why do you hate my kid line, some (like mine) use the well your kid did such and such. I think at the first statement we make that pisses them off they immediately shut off anything we say after and formulate their next line: why do you hate my kid. My husband asked me once why I hated his kid. I told him I resent your kid, because she lies, steals and over all is a bitch like her mother and YOU do nothing to try to change it so why should I?

I am learning to not flip with emotion. If I feel it I walk away until I can reconfigure the statements in my thought process.

And let me tell you girl I may have said what you did differently but the ultimatium would have been the same. HIM or me, and if it is him I WILL NEVER set foot in that cabin again. And I am one spiteful bitch, I wouldnt ever set foot in it ever...and the bill would then be his