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"You won't change to try and be what I need, Princess Mofo." -- Dh

princessmofo's picture

Submitted by princessmofo on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 11:55am

Yes, you read that correctly. This was an exact quote of what was said to me last night by my dh or as I now will call him, my AHH (asshat husband). Things have been crummy for a while. And in an attempt to try and talk about some issues last night this was the response I was given. Evidently, I've "changed". And by "changed" it means I am no longer an accommodating doormat for AHH, Twat Waffle, and poor widdle SS. As you may recall I disengaged after I was thrown under the bus. So, naturally, this has made AHH have to step up to the plate and that's, gosh darnit, just "too hard".

Perhaps I have "changed". I know I'm not the same naïve, trusting soul I once was. But that is a direct reflection of AHH and his baggage. The baggage he brought into MY life. If you were exposed to repeated abuse let's say, either emotional, physical, psychological wouldn't you change? If you burned your hand repeatedly on hot stove would that not change how you interpret the stove?

After these words were spoken to me, an eerie calm filled my mind and body. A peace of sorts. I realized, I wasn't mad... On the contrary I now felt indifferent. I walked away and did not speak the rest of the night. This morning AHH attempted to engage me. I in a hushed tone explained that I did change and it was due to the stress his circumstance have brought to my life. His contentious family, a nutjob gold-digging bm, his repeated lies, the custody drama (which I footed the very large bill for), his refusal to ever stand up for me or himself... I could go on and on.

I remarked that he should be ashamed of himself. I was the ONLY ONE who helped him when his ex wanted to take his son away. I paid for the lawyer. I supported him. NO ONE ELSE! NOBODY! And this is what I get from him.

Anyway, my exit strategy is in place. Unfortunately I cannot get in to meet with the attorney til after the new year so I'll be muddling through the holiday until then. But it's truly over for me, STalkers. I've done all I can do. I've withstood all I can stand. I've hit the wall and I feel ok about it. I need to break it to my kids, and my parents (who by all accounts will probably dance a jig at the news as they don't care for AHH). But I'm done trying to be something I'm not...

Comments

goincrazy.com's picture

Submitted by goincrazy.com on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 12:20pm

Sorry to hear but glad you are taking action to move on- doesn't seem like this situation is gonna change anytime soon. Most people don't realize what they have till it's gone

Harleygurl's picture

Submitted by Harleygurl on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 12:34pm

I feel your pain. That's exactly what I want to do on most days - remove myself and my sons from the never-ending three ring circus that surrounds DH. Congrats on some things and I'm sorry on others.

princessmofo's picture

Submitted by princessmofo on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 12:36pm

Thanks everyone! I'm trying to figure out how to tell my kids. That will be the hard part. But the rest is easy. And good luck to AHH trying to find somebody else that will tolerate his situation.

princessmofo's picture

Submitted by princessmofo on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 12:44pm

I made it clear we no longer needed to discuss things if that was how he felt. He'll know when they serve him the divorce papers.

goincrazy.com's picture

Submitted by goincrazy.com on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 12:54pm

Damn, I'm sorry it came to that. I'm not there but wouldn't be surprised if I ended up in your same situation. SD16 doesn't live with us and SD22 and her 2 brats moved out exactly a year ago. Had SD16 been here 50/50 and SD22 not moved out I would have ended the relationship. There's only so much a person can deal with and being the target for all to blame and all thats wrong is even more difficult. Enough is enough.
In a previous relationship when I broke up with him we were stuck in a lease. It was unbearable knowing I was done with him and being around him and his pity party. I "made" him move out. I couldn't live that way.

esm for too long's picture

Submitted by esm for too long on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 1:00pm

Making the decision is always the hardest part, but when you do, the calm is such a nice payout. The kids might not take it all that hard. When I told my kids I was divorcing DH2 (that stands for deranged, not darling), they were thrilled and asked why it had taken me so long. Turns out they were just as miserable as I was, just in different ways.

I apologize that I don't know the ages of your kids, but I did read where one has autism and worries about things being his fault, I feel for you on explaining to him. Hopefully the break will be the very best for you and your beloved children!

princessmofo's picture

Submitted by princessmofo on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 1:12pm

Thank you for your kind words. And yes, my son with Autism is the one I am anxious about.

farting_glitter's picture

Submitted by farting_glitter on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 12:47pm

Mofo, I am soooo happy for you!....and sad that it came to this also...but I can honestly say that I know how you feel...I am living it now...I have also "changed" in my marriage...and like you, I changed as a product of my environment...but of course, everything is MY fault...it's MY fault I have changed....at least according to DH anyways....*eyeroll*

princessmofo's picture

Submitted by princessmofo on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 12:50pm

Glitter, no penis is worth this aggravation! I've got a Lelo, and that baby is rechargeable. Unlike AHH.... Wink

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 5:18pm

You are doing the right thing for you.Finally.

It can take some time (and awful experiences) to hit that wall where you finally realise that you do not give a crap anymore. That eerie calm always signals the final curtain call and unless BIG changes are made (by him) then it really does become FINAL.

What appears to be a pattern with these men (farting glitter's DH is cut from the same cloth) is how successful they are at leading their own pity parties, "poor ole me...look how miserable my life is with a psycho ex and the haaard work I have to invest in everyone else except myself..."

They are aces at fulfilling the "victim" role and expect everyone to trip over themselves to hold their hand, to sacrifice their happiness to secure OH's happiness. They wallow in this and fully believe they are "owed", they do not see the blessings they DO have nor acknowledge how wonderfully they may have been treated. It is never enough and are horrified when they are asked to behave with consideration. It's all about "Me. Me and ME..."

Well let him live out his dream of "Me, myself and I..." alone. Save your time, money and energy, don't waste this on someone who is in effect emotionally stunted and is turning verbally abusive in an attempt to regain their victim foothold, as after all how dare you expect YOUR happiness to factor, THEIR happiness is top bill don't cha know?!!

It sounds to me your DH's need to get therapy for their way of thinking and could be suffering from depression, however if they cannot save themselves and realise how self destructive they are behaving then you certainly cannot help, not without sacrificing yourself and your children.

Good luck Smile

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 12/06/2013 - 11:07am

Anyone could tell that you were reaching or getting pushed past your breaking point lately. Yes, when you are no longer furious but just indifferent...that's when you know it is time to get gone.

Wishing you strength and peace.