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I'm not the same bc they're not the same.

Bradymom's picture

Submitted by Bradymom on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 11:20am

I don't like to do fun things unless my kids are there. DH makes comments like "you are different when your kids aren't here" or "my kids only get the fun side of you when your kids are here" Yeah I know. I just say "well I feel more fun when my kids are here" or "I'll try to be less blah" But in reality my kids are fun, enjoyable & happy themselves. His kids they're flat in emotion. It's either depressive or obnoxious. There are a small amount if times they're kind of enjoyable. It's hard to put forth effort when the exude negativity. I know I'm a fun, exciting mom & bio mom isn't, she's all about her -an attention slut my DH labels her. Both DH & I are all about the kids, but when it's just his kids I'm not so much all about his kids. I also lag on having gatherings, going to do things, eating out, etc when it's just his kids. Partly bc they're ungrateful & lack in the behavior department, but also partly bc I want to do fun things with my kids. I think that's probably normal. I don't know. What's your experience?

Comments

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 11:28am

DH and I have a balance that works for us. There are some things we wait to have the skids for .. cutting down Christmas tree, seeing certain movies, going ice skating, etc.

There are some things we really enjoy together without the skids.

I don't have bios of my own, so I can't compare how I am around his kids versus my kids .. but I would say that we have just as much fun doing things without them that we do with them. We just adjust activities accordingly.

esm for too long's picture

Submitted by esm for too long on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 12:41pm

*sigh*...I too have been accused of this very thing..."You shut down when your kids aren't here..." (both of my kids are grown, one lives in TX and the other is in college and lives on campus, but comes around often). I feel, like you, that my kids are fun, they enjoy laughing, they enjoy having a good time and they are fine if they are alone without constant attention.

When one child (SD8) clamors for attention and is constantly interrupting or can't sit still and wiggles through movies or even just a TV show we want to watch, it just irritates me so instead of letting my BP go up or letting it upset me, I shut down and disengage. I swear it's like she has radar - my DH and I can be in totally separate corners of the house, even on separate floors and she's in her room (blaring the TV, granted, but IN HER ROOM). Let him get within 10 feet of me and she comes out and starts yanking on his arm or hugging on him or trying to climb in his lap. Who sees that as a trip to Disney World? Not me.

At least when my kids are around I have companionship.

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 1:17pm

I feel this way: At least when my kids are around I have companionship.

I dread the skid only days every other Saturday when the skids are here and mine are at their fathers house. Since my kids go EOW to their fathers and DHs are here every weekend split, every other Saturday is skid only day.

Skids are here 50% of the time anyway, mine are here 80% of the time, so its only every other Saturday night and all day Sunday that they are here when mine are not - and it feels a lot longer than it is.