SS in hospital when I have baby?
MIL asked the other day if we'd like her to pick up SS13 and bring him to the hospital after I have my baby. DH just said "I don't care what you do." and I said nothing. I never say anything to the ILs about SS because I don't want them to realize that I don't like my SS.
So, I don't want him there. I don't really want many people there at all. I want this to be about DH, me and our new baby. MIL had to involve SS in the baby shower, she wants him to come to the hospital and I just know that she'll feel the need to involve him in anything we try to do with/for our daughter.
I realize that it may seem messed up or selfish of me to not want him there. He is after-all her half brother. I don't find it necessary that he come to the hospital though. He'll get a chance to see her. I guess the messed up part is that I'd like a tiny bit of time to maintain the illusion that this is as new and exciting to DH as it is to me, but if SS comes, it'll be a reminder to me that DH has "been there, done that." Also, I simply don't like being around SS so I don't want him around during the most special, stressful, crazy, happy and whatever other feelings I'll have time of my life.
I guess I'd like to know if anyone thinks I'm being a total b****. And I'm sure some people probably will think that. Just please keep in mind that I've never bonded with this kid and being around him is still like nails on a chalkboard to me. I want to do what DH wants, but shouldn't there be a point where I get to put my foot down and say "no, SS doesn't get to be around this time."
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This IS a point where you get
This IS a point where you get to put your foot down say "no, SS doesn't get be around this time". All you have to is speak up.
Chances are you'll be home the day after your child is born & SS can see her there. There's no reason for people to gather at the hospital.
Let your DH deal with SS when he comes to see the baby in your home. They can visit & take care of her while you rest.
Thank you! That makes me feel
Thank you! That makes me feel so much better. I just realized that I forgot to mention that MIL asked us this in front of SS. So that was also why I said nothing. He apparently didn't even go to the hospital when his mom had her other babies either. And MIL was all like "well now this is your chance to see a newborn baby in the hospital." Umm, probably not, but thanks anyway MIL for making things a bit awkward.
He doesn't need a chance to
He doesn't need a chance to see newborn baby in the hospital. If she feels he does, she can haul him over to the hospital nursery & he can look at the babies through the window, though I feel certain nobody in the hospital (where many patients are seriously ill & very weak) cares to have people needlessly hauling germs & viruses through for them to catch.
You & baby will need your rest after she's born, & you'll be in there only a short time. You need to take advantage of that time to enjoy her & bond with her.
He can see his sister at home.
I hope your DH will speak up on your behalf here, but if he doesn't, you need to speak up for yourself.
You are not messed up or
You are not messed up or selfish for not wanting your SS there. It is a special time for you to bond with your newborn, SS will have plenty of time after you leave the hospital to see the baby, there is absolutely NO reason for the birth of your child to become a three ring circus.
I was so freaking lucky when I had BS3 it was flu season (end of December) and there was a strict hospital policy..NO visitors under the age of 14 NO exceptions. Skids were 11 and 12 at the time, so I got out of the skids at the hospital drama. I ended up having a C Section and being in 6 days total, so it was absolute heaven on earth to not even have to worry about skids showing up, asking, demanding, crying, etc. AND I got out of having to be the wicked stepmother by denying the preciouses
Put your foot down, let this be YOUR special time. You're only going to have it once!
This topic has come up often
This topic has come up often on this site over the years. It is not in any way selfish of you to want the birth of your child to only be about you, your DH and your baby. One thing that you need to know now is that you can control everything that goes on in your hospital room. Tell you in-laws that everyone can see baby when you get home. You don't want people at the hospital. Then when you check in tell the nurses who can and who can't come in to see you. They have no problem sending people away. Enjoy the little bubble that you get to be in for just a minute before the rest of the world crashes in!
MIL's feeding the
MIL's feeding the entitlement.
my brother and i got to see all three of our half-sibs - AFTER they got home.
i'm a very private person- if i EVER get knocked up, there will be NO ONE at the hospital except the two of us who MADE the baby!
"there will be NO ONE at the
"there will be NO ONE at the hospital except the two of us who MADE the baby!"
This is how I feel it should be. Even when my sisters had their babies & I wanted, SO badly, to go see them, my mom explained that they needed to rest & they needed some time to just enjoy their little family.
Even SHE didn't go to the hospital to see them. She didn't go for the birth & she didn't go for a visit. She took me to see them when they got home.
I do remember going to see her at the hospital when she had my youngest brother. Of course, that was back in the day when they kept you in the hospital for a week after giving birth. We went once. The rest of the time was hers to rest & bond.
I'm relieved to be getting
I'm relieved to be getting this feedback. A couple of times when I've blogged about stuff that frustrates me about step family life I've gotten the "you knew what you were getting into", " you married the man and the kids" -type responses. So I never really know how stuff I post will be received.
I'm leaning more and more toward saying that no one gets to come to the hospital. I do want my parents and sister to come if they want but then I'm worried about how that would make DH feel. Plus my sister would probably need to bring her kids, which I have no problem with. This is so stupid. I'll probably be there for less than 36 hours so it really is not worth stressing about this much.
You could let them come to
You could let them come to the hospital but not in the room when you give birth. That time is special between you and your husband.
There is nothing messed up or
There is nothing messed up or selfish about you.
What the hell is wrong with your MIL that she even thinks a 13 year old boy wants to be at the hospital when his stepmom gives birth?!?
She should be told (by your DH) that HE will call her when it's OK to come visit and to please not come until she hears from him. WTF is with these MILs that are as bad as BMs trying to butt into your life?!?