Embarrassed in front of other because of Steps???
Anyone else feel embarrassed by how your steps act when you are at other people's houses? Almost like people look at you and why you didn't raise this kid to have manners?
This weekend, SO, SD12, and I were over at some friends place watching the football game. SD12 is grounded, so she was bugging the adults more then hanging out with the other kids. More correctly, she was bugging any adult that would give her attention. At one point, she came strutting in the room with a 3 month old baby. My heart about dropped out of my chest. She was so busy showing off that she had him, it was almost like she wasn't paying attention. Thankfully, she went and sat down, so I didn't have a heart attack. The mom gave her the baby, so not a whole lot I could say about her having him.
Later, I'm sitting with the wife of the house and SD12 comes to her, says she found her cat, under her bed in her bedroom. .....Uh.... I'm horribly embarrassed. SD knows she is not allowed in bedrooms of adults. She's not allowed in mine, she's not allowed in SO's. Although, one did come before the other. So I tell SD, "you KNOW you aren't allowed in the bedroom." She just gives me this blank look. Which is her standard for when she's done something that I've nailed her on. SO wasn't around or I would have made him handle this, but I was SO embarrassed!!!! I would be very upset to find someone in my bedroom. A young kid, okay, but she's 12. She knows better. I made her apologize to the wife, who said it was okay. Which is what I would have said too if someone was getting after their child who'd be in my room.
SD just acted like she had never heard such a thing. I don't want to go to my friends' houses anymore with this child! Goes in their bedroom, doesn't always flush, and the worse part is I feel this gets reflected on me. SO is completely oblivious because he is a man. Makes me want to punch him.
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Or in restaurants or stores,
Or in restaurants or stores, etc. etc. I always had to quietly whisper that I'm "just the SM" and not the parent. The behaviour was absolutely HORRIFIC!!
Not your fault...and you Also
Not your fault...and you Also don't have to bring her along
All the time. BM doesn't
All the time. BM doesn't socialize the skids, she doesn't even bring them to the grocery store with her. Skids will show their butts everywhere we bring them. I have pointed out that I am SM only when they act up. DH and I have gotten to the point of having discussions with the skids prior to going anywhere, shake hands, make eye contact and do not touch anything anywhere.
I just read your reply below.
I just read your reply below. The skids don't know how to make friends, they meet kids everywhere we go and SS13 will not open his mouth and SS10 opens his mouth and overshares EVERYTHING. Scares other kids away.
BM has used the TV/Video game as a babysitter, so these kids have no idea how to relate to other kids.
Glad we aren't the only ones with these issues, sometimes the pep talks work...sometimes they have to be reminded several times at whatever event we are at.
Yes yes yes. I know the
Yes yes yes. I know the feeling. It has happened many times. But, remember: YOU didn't raise her. It's her parents fault that she lacks manners and respect. And I too, have been known to inform people that she(SD11) is NOT mine.
I can somewhat relate to your
I can somewhat relate to your feelings. While my ssons are generally well behaved, there have been a few times when I feel embarrassed by their behaviors or short comings.
Sometimes I feel responsible for ss6's immaturity and his laziness. At 6 years old, he doesn't know how to wipe his own butt, he never flashes the toilet when he goes, and he doesn't know how to wash his hands. When you ask him to wash his hands, he just runs them under the water. I am often panic when guests come over because I'm terrified they'd go to the bathroom and there is ss6's number 2 floating in the toilet. yuck! It's really gross to go into the bathroom after him. I feel somewhat responsible the kid doesn't know how to do those basic things because I've been in his life before he was 3 years old, DH has 50% custody legally, but in reality the boys are with us way more than that because at least once a month, BM chooses to give up some of her days with them. While I do a good job of teaching manners, I didn't focus too much on supervising him when he washes his hands so imagine my surprise when I happen to witness him wash his hands in the kitchen sink! I stopped wiping his butt a few months ago but DH still does it but because he's in school/daycare most of the day, his underpants are always soiled and nasty. DH doesn't seem the least bit concerned that a 6 year old doesn't flash the toilet after he goes or the fact he doesn't know how to wash his hand properly.
SS6 just recently quit asking
SS6 just recently quit asking for help wiping, and I constantly have to remind him to wash his hands. Being in school helped a lot, I think. BS3 has been wiping his own butt since he started potty training. I helped him in the beginning, but he started wiping on his own by his own choice. I couldn't believe SS6 had sych poor hygeine til my SDs told me about some of his disgusting habits. :sick:
Yes and no. My friends know
Yes and no. My friends know all about my SD and that her parents really don't train or stay on top of her. I always declined on offers saying "no thank bc I have my SD" and they ended up talking me into it knowing what they were asking for. Because of that, they helped in correcting her on the side when need be without making any scenes and they would let DH and I know when we had a private moment from other adults and kids speaking.
One time sitting at the kitchen table with the other adults as the kids were running back and forth, I pointed out to DH that his daughter was acting up with the boys. He blew it off so I watched extra close knowing that she was going to do something stupid again. Suddenly she ripped the shirt off of another boy and I looked at her dad telling him what she did and sharply asked if he was going to parent her. His face went red and he bolted to correct the situation finally. Later on though, I learned from the other kids that they were running around trying to get away from my SD. SIGH
I'm extremely ashamed being seen in public with them though if we picked them up from the BM's. The glares I get bc others are offended by the smells and they look disgusting.
Oh gosh.... um... I get
Oh gosh.... um... I get embarrassed by MY bios!!! :O
They are really well behaved kids when they're home alone with me, polite, calm, relaxed, helpful, follow instructions etc, but the second you add another adult to the mix (whether we visit them or they come to our house) my kids start acting up *roll eyes*
Sometimes I like to pretend that I don't know them lol na, it takes them about half an hour to calm the fluff down and behave like normal people... I think people realize that they're just excited and showing off for guests, so that helps.
The few times I've been with SO and SD3 when she plays up, it doesn't phase me, I just say something like 'whoops, maybe ice cream for breakfast wasn't the best idea"
YES, exactly! My friends and
YES, exactly! My friends and family understand that I have NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, I didn't make it, I don't have say over it, not my product!!!
But in public? I'd rather stick splinters under my nails. People give me "the look" and I want to scream, "That's NOT MY KID!!!"