And I'm so glad I bought the e book Step monster. I work with people who are much younger than I am and they do not have step kids (yet) as they are either not married yet, newly divorced, or on their first marriage having their own kids who at this time are mostly infants.

When I read the first part of Stepmonster, the author described moving into someone else's house, and fitting into someone else's life. I moved in with a man 8 years my senior who lives in a large house, already furnished. Most of my furniture went to charity. I felt like instead of "growing together" as two young people who then have kids and grow older together, moving into a larger house together, etc. It's almost like I dropped from the sky and landed in a family.

I'm luckier than many as I get along well with the kids. But there are difficult things- no matter what happens, I'm "only" the step parent. Other parents will always call their BM first, even though the kids basically live with me. I never got to be pregnant, I never got to see the kids grow from infancy. Their BM had this incredible priveledge and is throwing it away but refusing to see her kids, etc. I'm envious of her because she gets to be the mom.

It doesn't matter that I check to see what their homework is and make sure younger SD gets it done. I supply school supplies. I pay for classroom parties, etc. I'm glad to do so. But the teacher will always call the actual parents. I supply the health insurance. But I need to ask permission to take them to the doctor. Playdates come to our house all the time, but I have rarely spoken to another parent.