What to do when BM just shows up
The oldest girl 12 was SUPPOSED to be at basketball practice last night until 5:30, but on her own, decided not to go.
Apparently BM told her she was going to pick her up from practice. (BM's time was last night 5:45pm-7:30pm, pick up location our home)
So BM went to school and the 12yogirl was not there, BM then came here to our home and picked them all up.
NOW it LOOKS like to the Coach, that my boyfriend is not communicating with BM about the girl not going to practice. (Because obviously BM had to ask "why isn't girl12 coming out?")
So, BM never mentioned ANY of this to my boyfriend. He had no idea of this until the kids came back after visitation at 7:30pm.
So,.... what can be done about BM doing this?
Or said about it?
Obviously we documented it, but anything else?
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I'm not sure she did anything
I'm not sure she did anything wrong. She tried to pick up the kids at school, but they weren't there, so she was unable to.
I don't think there's any consequence for "attempting" to violate a court order, kwim?
But her time didn't start
But her time didn't start until 5:45pm with the kids, and she showed up at a different location to pick up one of the kids at 5:30pm. BM was trying to pick up the child when it was not her time.
I'm only asking because this time there WASN'T a problem because the girl didn't go to practice.
I'm asking "WHAT IF" next time, BM is somewhere trying to pick up the kids when it is NOT her time and it causes a conflict.
BM says, "Get in my car"
Their dad, or Me, or grandma(whoever is SUPPOSED to be picking her up) says "Get in my car"
What do you do when the Non Custodial parent takes the kids from a location they are not authorized to do??
I don't know all of your
I don't know all of your history, but if there haven't been previous conflicts I might just chalk this up to a miscommunication and ask DH to address it with BM with your exact phrasing... I don't want there to be confusion in the future so can we agree to "xyz" to avoid conflict?
If there have been previous conflicts than I would definitely document this and have DH email BM so that there is a record of the conversation.
Short of sending a cordial
Short of sending a cordial "reminder" email telling her that their order specifies pick up times and locations, I'm not sure what you can do.
If it actually happens and she shows up to get the kids at the wrong time/place, call the police and file a report. Short of gathering these documents and taking her to court for violating the agreement, I don't know how else you stop it.
I don't know the history at all .. but is it really a big deal for her to get them at 5:30 and not 5:45? Is this maybe a change that could be agreed to in the order?
Yes she put the 12 year old
Yes she put the 12 year old in the middle. We have a feeling that is why the 12 year old didn't go to practice (in retrospect because we weren't told until after the visitation time) and I had surgery on my wrist on Monday and still can't drive or I would have driven her butt back to practice when she got off the bus.
I must be missing something I
I must be missing something I just don't see what she did wrong? If she did pick the kids up at 5:30 and you were there would you actually make the kids get in the car and drive home so she could pick them up? That seems like one of those things you just let go.
The parenting order is in
The parenting order is in modification right now. BM ASKED to have the kids between 5:45pm and 7:30pm to take them out to supper. SHE wrote the times SHE wanted to pick them up.
She had a long list of demands about having them look presentable and everything,... so one would think she would like her 12 year old girl to shower before she takes her into town to a nice restaurant and NOT in her sweaty basketball clothes.
This BM is high conflict and as someone else posted on here, she has been sending crazy emails and texts the last few days.
We believe she did this intentionally and wanted to make a scene (with someone else showing up to get the girl too) but she was denied her scene because the girl skipped practice.
The tricky thing is BM NEVER
The tricky thing is BM NEVER SPOKE to my boyfriend about it, so if he brings it up again to BM he will be putting the 12 year old girl in the middle by saying "she said" you were "going to" do this, I want to confirm you weren't going to do this??? BM made the times and picked Thursday nights,... It seems like stirring the pot to bring it up to BM again, and remind her what SHE SAID. no??
The kids told us that BM got
The kids told us that BM got on the 12yogirl's case asking WHY she wasn't at practice, BM went there to get her and she wasn't there and BM yelled at the girl for it because BM told the girl the night before over the phone that BM was going to pick her up at 5:30 from practice, THEN come get her brother and sister at my boyfriend's home (at the correct location and pick up time).
Apparently BM accused the 12yogirl of lying, saying, "Tell me the truth. Tell me your dad told you not to go to practice so I couldn't pick you up"
Which is the REALLY crazy part because her dad didn't even know!