After so long without drama...
So today dh called bm's mom house to let bm's mom know what time he'd be getting Ss as she is takes care of Ss in the mornings when Bm is at work. Bm happens to be there and grabs the phone and starts going off on Dh about Ss's school supplies and how he BETTER help her, Dh again repeated to her that that is what child support is for and if she cannot handle Ss that he'd be more than happy to take over. Dh said Bm got angry and changed the subject because she knows damn well we can take care of Ss and that this is all about her wanting him to give her money above child support NOT the school supplies so she started going off about how he's a borderline deadbeat-apparently because he won't give her money whenever she asks for it the way he used to... lol.. um the entire time I've been with Dh he has had that boy every single weekend and he pays his child support like clockwork, how this makes him a deadbeat, I have no idea. Then Bm starts going off about how there is orientation for school and that Dh NEEDS to be there for the orientation because SHE'S embarassed that she's a single mom and she wants him there (I guess so she can pretend that they are still together??) but get this, she tells him he isn't allowed to bring me, her exact words were "you better not bring msg1986.". Dh explains to her that if I cannot go he will not be going because I am his wife. Dh is very adament about reinforcing that I am his wife and I will be involved whether she likes that or not. Bm continues to go off and says that if he isn't there or if he goes and takes me that she is "done with him" and is going to withhold visition and she isn't going to "allow" him to see Ss anymore (like she has that power, pfft) and he can be happy with the new family he has with me. Dh let her go on and on and just said to her after her mini melt down "you know very well you cannot take my son from me, I may go a few weeks without seeing him but that'll be fixed once we're in court." Dh said Bm seemed to get more and more angry that he wasn't fighting back with her so she just hung up. It's all so stupid. So we'll see if we get Ss next weekend. I doubt she'll withhold Ss because she likes her free time, it's just funny to me that she thinks she can withhold visitation and the court will just say "sure sure, don't let your ex see his son even though he's has him every weekend since he was 3 months old and pay his child support." so we'll see what happens. I'm proud of how Dh has been handling this outbursts though, the few that there have been since the only time he talks to her is when she happens to be at the house when he calls to either talk to Ss or tell the grandma when he'll be there. Bm won't ever text him these things because she's probably afraid of there being a record.
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Child support being for
Child support being for school supplies is debatable. I too get annoyed with constant requests for money, especially from a woman who doesn't see HER role in financially supporting the kids too. But, in my opinion, child support covers food, clothing and shelter. Large sudden expenses like school supplies may need to be supplemented. But I certainly wouldn't give her cash. I'd ask for the list and buy half of what's on it.
I also see your point on
I also see your point on this, Ss is going into kindergarten and we've priced everything out and it would be about 125 at the most for clothes/supplies, Bm gets about 400 a month (in may she would have gotten 600) and her only bills are her phone/insurance/car payment plus she works full time so I don't see where she is "struggling". she's known that this is coming so it isn't an unexpected expense.
I agree, if bm was providing
I agree, if bm was providing a list or something it'd be different and I'd encourage dh to go half (even though he feels strongly that child support should be used for the supplies as she doesn't provide for him as she lives with her parents and they provide for both her and Ss)however that's not the case, she just wants cash.
I totally think that CS is to
I totally think that CS is to help with school supplies.
CS is for exspenses the child
CS is for exspenses the child needs. However, this does not mean that the non custodial parent is to pay for everything! As Anne Boleyn said, she doesn't see her role in the financial part of this. Your DH already pays CS, leave it at that. She knows all year long that school begins in August and supplies must be bought. Her fault for poor planning. And yes, communication should only be in writting. If she picks up the phone again when he calls he needs to tell her he is not going to speak with her and if she won't return the phone then hang up. And if you have a visitation order you won't need to wait to go to court to see SS. Just have it with you and go to where he is with the police. They will force her to hand him over or she will spend a night in jail.
They will force her to hand
They will force her to hand him over or she will spend a night in jail.
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WHAT?! Where on earth does this happen?
You know I had never even
You know I had never even thought about this, this is a great idea, I think I will mention this to Dh, thank you.
That's how I feel too as far as her not getting to play house with another woman's husband.
School supplies are so damn
School supplies are so damn cheap during the summer(unless you're buying graphing calculators ) , I don't understand why people get so worked up over them.
BM and DF are having their annual school supplies war. It's same fight every year. She wants him to pay for it all. He says use the CS. I think they are both nuts.
I wish Bm was like you!! I
I wish Bm was like you!!
I would think it would be a different issue if she wasn't so demanding. She has an attitude that she's doing Dh a favor by letting him see his son and that he needs to do whatever she says or she starts with the "I'll take your son from you!!" bit.
My thoughts exactly. My
My thoughts exactly. My parents are divorced and my dad has custody of my 12 yr old brother and because of his bitterness because my mom left him he acts like a crazy bm and it kills me because my little brother is always the one that ends up hurt. My dad has chilled out a lot but the damage is done. I feel sad for Ss because Bm will go off on these rants while Ss is within earshot.
This is Bm. She's asked Dh
This is Bm. She's asked Dh for 'help' in the past with things for Ss and when we've sent Ss home with new shoes, clothes etc she throws a fit that he isn't wearing new items home. In my eyes, if he's coming home with new items, why are you mad? isn't that what you needed help with?
BM in our situation was the
BM in our situation was the same way. Would request cash instead of the checks we normally wrote her, for all sorts of ridiculous reasons. We would never do it, and kept track of every dime we gave her.
I think I maybe paid 10.00 a
I think I maybe paid 10.00 a piece for my two high schoolers school supplies. Paper, pencils, pens, and some folders.
My grade schooler I spent maybe 15.00 as she needed colored pencils, ruler, protractor, etc.
Obviously these are not large expenses-nor are they sudden. Ive known for a long time when school was starting. Clothes are a bigger expense for me-so I start my back to school clothes shopping usually in June. By a few things that month, a few things in July, and a few in August-that gives them more than enough to start with .