I have been dating a 34good year old mother of one for about 10 months, (im 31) i like her alot and her and i get along well, share many commonalities and she claims to be in love with me. My issue is her 9yrand old daughter. While i generally like and at the very least tolerate most children well, this particular little girl is unreachable. She is ungrateful, rude, self centered, lazy,ill-mannered and in my opinion very underdeveloped socially and mentally for her age. I know that her short comings are due to the parenting she has recieved from her mother. The child has never had a stable father figure in her life and doesn't know her biological father. After 10you months of trying, reading, researching and trying multiple different approaches, i am at a loss. Because im willing to try to make a difference, her mother has given up and put the corrective efforts all on me. The child is unrecptive to any authoritive figure including her mother. The grandparents, aunts and uncles rarely have anything to do with her because she is uncontrollable. I cant get her mother to stick to anything discipline wise. I dont feel like reforming this child at nine years old is my responsibility and it may be impossible at the rate were going. When im around her mother pours all of her attention into me and that makes the child resent me (i think). She throws fits like a toddler (child throws herself on the ground, kicking and screaming whaling out) in public, at home, when visiting friends/family. Its embarrasing and theres no stopping it! I feel sorry for her and her mother and wish i could fix it. Her mother chooses to drink alcohol to deal with the stress and i know that isnt near the answer, but honestly i can see why she drinks. Mom works all the time 12 hrs a day as do I, and i dont believe she spends adequate time with the child, and she keeps her occupied with the latest electronics and a big screen T.V. The kid has never even attempted to ride a bicycle, doesnt know how to swim, requires her mother for bathing and dressing. The child will not go to bed/sleep. As soon as mom falls asleep the child gets up and watches T.V., eats and does whatever she wants until she falls asleep in the early morning. Thus makes her increadibly hard to wake up in the morning, recently mom was late for work one time too many due to the sleepy, unruly child and was fired from her job, for the third time in 4 years.
Ultimately i want opinions as to whether i should be feeling guilty because i want to RUN RUN RUN AWAY!! I hate to end our relationship and feel like a jerk, but its all i have left. Footnote: I also recently discovered some rather inappropriate text messages on my girlfriends phone..REALLY INAPPROPRIATE MESSAGES to and from other guys who made their intentions perfectly clear. I havent confronted her yet because i was snooping in her phone after i saw part of a text she was sending. Was i wrong to snoop, or does the fact that i found a multitude of bad bad stuff in her phone negate the snooping folly? Any input will be appreciated!! Thank you