Disengaging Day 1
Thank you so much everyone for your advice yesterday. My husband refuses to go to counseling for us, so if our marriage fails it will be on his shoulders. To keep myself sane I am disengaging even though he threatened divorce over it, and I have to tell you, even after one day, BEST DECISION EVER!!
I am not fully disengaging. I am just not dealing with any behavior or disrespect or any "real" parenting anymore. I will still cook and clean, do laundry and take all the kids to activities. I just can't justify in my mind doing those things for my 2 and not for ss who lives with us.
Last night was awesome though!I met AHH at walmart after work because he had to get new tires. We went out to dinner while it was being worked on. SS started acting like a fool and I just got up and walked away, didn't say a word. When I came back, AHH was actually being a parent and telling him that he was being inappropriate. When we went to Walmart to get his work van SS started crying and stomping that he wanted a toy. I just walked down a different isle. It is so much fun to pretend you do know them!! At bed time, he came downstairs 3 TIMES! Once again, didn't say a word. I kept enjoying my glass of wine and let his dad deal with the whole thing }:) . Guess what, I wasn't "mean" step-mom once yesterday!
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PERFECT!!! It really does
PERFECT!!!
It really does set you free huh? Keep it up and you will see DH step up a little more and a little more. BUT always remember...he will probably NEVER be the parent you want or need him to be. BTDT.
Good luck and if DH complains tell him to fly a kite.
You are right about that. I
You are right about that. I just have to remember that as long as my bios grow up to be strong, independent members of society than I have done my job. WHEN ss is in jail, that will be on the 2 people that brought him into the world.
it's like freedom for you
it's like freedom for you brain, although I will warn that you will have triggers stuff that makes your insides boil and you cant say a thing you still have to maintain. Its not all sugar plums and enlightenment. it can be tough at times but worth it
I can see that it is going to
I can see that it is going to be tough, especially with all the nights that my husband works late and he will be at home with me. I will have to find a way to navigate that one...
That's AWESOME, I'm so proud
That's AWESOME, I'm so proud of you!!! I agree with whatwasithinkin. You'll definitely have moments where you want to tear your hair out. Have little back up plans in mind. For instance, ss does something that irritates you and DH doesn't respond, take your kids for a walk, go to a movie, the park, something to remove yourself from the situation.
That is definitely something
That is definitely something to keep in mind. I really had to bite my tongue several times last night and I know that SS will take the change in me as a new challenge but I just have to stay strong and stay the course. It really is the only way for me to survive my marriage.
I was so scared to do it. DH
I was so scared to do it. DH threatened divorce when I tried to discuss it with him. The way I figure it, he says we are headed for divorce if I do, we are 100% getting divorced if I don't. I might as well try and find peace in the mean time and see what happens.
Awesome! Just keep saying
Awesome! Just keep saying 'not my business'...that really help.
How do you stand him living
How do you stand him living with you. This is one of my biggest fears in life. At 18. And graduated from high school out. And if not graduated it will be all on him for being a looser and out of my house. I don't know what I would do in your shoes!!