I posted this in a comment in CLD0711's blog. I thought I would post it here.

This is an actual notice we have this posted on our bathroom door (facing the outside):

Message to children from occupant

1) Yes! This door is closed. Yes it is closed for a reason. No, nothing is wrong. I am simply taking a dump and wish to do so in PRIVATE. That means I want to be by myself.

2) No I do not hate you. No you haven't done anything wrong. Yes I still love you. I loved you in the same manner as I did since before I went into the washroom. Please just leave me alone and let nature take its course.

3) There is NO emergency you can dream up that requires my attention at this very instant. NONE! Whatever it is you need me for, it can wait.

4) Whatever it is you need to talk to me about can wait as well. Do not try to talk to me. You do NOT have anything important to tell me right this very instant and I refuse to have a conversation with a child through a closed door.

5) The most I will say to you is "I am using the washroom!". I will not say anything else. If you persist, I might repeat "I am using the washroom!", only louder and I might throw in an expletive.

6) No I do not know how long I will be. So do not even ask me that question. I have not left you to join the travelling circus (although the thought has crossed my mind). Please be patient. I will emerge eventually sometime in the future.

7) If you need to use the washroom, either hold it in, or use the bush outside.

8 ) Do not think for a moment that you are exempt from any of the above rules. Knocking on the door asking for me is not going to make my bowel movent faster. Insisting that you need to see me right this instant will only incite my anger.

9) Do not stand outside the door waiting for me to come out either. You are not a dog. I taught you to be independant and to entertain yourself. You do not need me. If I so much as suspect that you are waiting outside the door for me, I will escape through the bathroom window and really join the travelling circus.

10) Don't worry, that noise you are hearing me make is normal.