My conversation with SD3 and a half....advice please
SD3 has been acting up all day yesterday and today, whenever SO and I would tell her to do something she was back to just standing there staring blankly or she would throw a fit. Well SO just told her to stop pushing her crayons in the heat register and she FREAKED out. So SO just walked away after taking away her crayons.
I watched her and she went and sat on her floor and buried herself under her blanket and she was doing that silent sob thing like the world was ending.
Well SO just ran to the store so I called her over to me in the living room and had her sit with me in the chair, this was the conversation:
me: SD honey why are you being so naughty today, what is the problem?
SD: because
me: because why?
SD: because I love somebody
me: and who is that?
SD: mommy
me: you love your mommy
SD: yes and she LOVES ME! (said VERY forceably)
me: I know sweetie your mommy loves you very much, but why are you misbehaving just because you love mommy?
SD: because she was mad.
me: what was she mad about?
SD: because she loves me. (she gets all teary eyed again)
me: well you love your mommy, do you love daddy and mamaLAdy too?
SD: yesss
me: and what do we do when we love people?
SD: we are nice
me: and we behave 
SD: yeah
so then she gave me a hug and apologized for throwing a fit and promised to not misbehave anymore tonight.
I have a feeling that BM is telling her things though ALREADY, like saying that she doesn't need to listen over here or something idk.
annnnd 10 minutes after our talk she is back to being weirdo SD that just whines under her breath and stares at you blankly. I am at my wits end here and I have no idea how to combat this situation. help please.
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SO's dd did that weird sob
SO's dd did that weird sob only she would get louder the more she was ignored. Then he started spanking and time outs for it she hasn't had a sobbing pouty fit since probably the 3rd consistent time of punishment.
This kind of happened with my
This kind of happened with my DD20 when she was 2. Her dad started dating and immediately after introducing DD and GF they moved in together. When Ex would drop DD off, she would scream, cry, refuse to look at him. And being a BM, it HAD to be that GF doing something horrible to MY daughter....it couldn't be anything else, right?
After a yelling match in my front yard (it had been going on for 6-7 weeks). I started asking questions....do you love mommy, do you love poppy, do you love gma, do you love daddy....always years. Do u like GF? Dead silence.
Different tactic. Does GF play with you? Yes, does daddy like GF? Yes.
Do you like GF? Dead silence.
Hmmmmmm.....So I say, you know mommy loves you, yes. And I think its great that GF plays with you and likes daddy. And if daddy likes her you should to, and mommy doesn't care.
Have DH, talk to her that way. That she should always love her mommy. You both want that, but that he really likes you, and she can like you too.
The problem was corrected. Even at 2 she had a loyalty issue.
I don't think its that she
I don't think its that she doesn't like me :/ I've been in her life since she was 9 months old I am hardly a "new girlfriend". And she doesn't just do the weird behavior thing to me it's SO too! And she gets sad when she talks about BM, idk how to explain it, like you ask her if she loves daddy or me or nana (SO's mom) and she is normal happy says yes, but when you ask about BM her voice gets quiet and the tears start welling up, even when she is saying things like "mommy loves me", the behavior just doesn't match the words if that makes sense?
Loyalty can rear its ugly
Loyalty can rear its ugly head at different times in a divorced lids life.
I had issues at 25, when my sdad was a better pop than my real dad who raised me! It was huge guilt for me to hear her call him pop and see that bond form.
Just guessing but I still would say that she thinks that she can't love both of you.
well then that is just sick
well then that is just sick because one)they were never married, BM left SO when she was pregnant with SD, and two) SD doesn't know any different then what we have now. I am the only other mother figure she has ever known besides BM (although BM is on BF number 5 since SD was born, all of which she has told SD was her "daddy"). I don't buy the mixed loyalty thing in our situation. If she was 11 and I was dads new GF, I would get it, but our circumstances? NOPE. There is no reason for her to act/feel the way she does unless someone is poisoning her mind and MAKING her feel that way. And by someone I mean BM.
Poor kid, so young and
Poor kid, so young and already catching on. BM can't even see how she is affecting this little girl. Guess I would keep reassuring her that her mom loves her as well as you guys and be strong for her. Also know that your SD is lucky to have you in her life, it sounds like your heart is in the right spot.
You're probably right about
You're probably right about the transfer of emotions :/ And I don't subscribe to the "not my kid, not my problem" mantra
SD, when under my roof is for all intents and purposes my child, WE are a family, if I have something to say to her or I feel that I can get through to her when SO can't I am certainly going to! 
I just REALLY hope that we can get a more even custody schedule before she gets much older because we're already seeing the early warning signs of HUGE emotional problems and it just makes me sick to my stomach 