There's A Special Place In Hell For BM & SD
I couldn't get the blog to post so I am going to split it up and post the rest in comments.
I didn't think it was possible to hate BM & SD20 any more than I already did, but they proved me wrong. This may get long and slightly confusing, so bear with me...
DH & BM were "high school sweethearts". Translation: they were horny teenagers who could NEVER seem to grasp the concept of condoms. They were 16 or 17 when SD20 came along. They obviously learned NOTHING from this because not long after she was born, DH knocked the cumdumpster up AGAIN. This child, a boy, was put up for adoption at birth. I will refer to him as AS (adopted son) for the remainder of this blog.
At one point, BM & I actually got along. She would talk to me about AS and how she longed for the day she'd be able to hold him in her arms again, blah blah blah. AS turned 18 last October. He immediately began contacting BM because he wanted to meet his birth family. Arrangements were made for AS & his adoptive mother to come to our city & meet everyone in January of this year. DH had to fight tooth & nail with BM to give him info on AS. BM told DH that she would bring AS by our home so that DH would have an opportunity to meet him. When the time came, she did everything in her power to ensure DH only got a few minutes with AS before she whisked him away and began PASing the holy shit out of the poor guy. DH waited for days for the phone to ring and got nothing. DH pretty much gave up & accepted that he may not ever have a chance at getting to know AS. BM & SD had AS and his mom convinced that DH & I were horrible people and that they should just not bother getting to know us because we eat newborn babies for breakfast. Typical BM/SD bullshit.
In February, AS had a meltdown and wanted to come back to our city to stay with BM & SD. Apparently he & SD had become good friends and he wanted to spend time with her. His adoptive parents decided that instead of sending him here, they would pay for SD to fly to their city and allow her to stay with them indefinitely, help her get a job, and pay for her to go to school. Incredibly generous considering they'd known her for only a few short weeks at that point. After being there for a couple of months, SD became homesick so she & AS made plans to take a bus from AS city to our city for a visit. They were in our city for about a week before everything went to hell in a hand basket.
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AS kept asking BM to let him contact DH so he could have a chance to get to know his birth father. BM would make excuses, refuse to give AS the phone number to call, or just flat tell him no, that his birth father is a piece of shit. Finally AS got fed up with all of the drama and decided he HAD to find out for himself what kind of man DH is. He texted DH & begged him to come pick him up, said that he wanted to get to know him, that he couldn't stand to be around BM & SD any more. DH was skeptical at first so he had AS call him so he could hear in his voice whether he was being genuine or if he was being played. The poor guy was SOBBING. Needless to say, DH & I jumped into our car and headed over to get him.
When we got there, AS was in tears, standing on the curb with his bags in his hands. DH helped him load them in the car and went to talk to BM & SD to find out what had happened. The only answer BM gave was "I don't know, *DH Name*! He has mental problems and shit!" DH gave her some smart ass remark and we left. We drove to a nearby park to talk a little before heading home. This is when the truth came out.
AS had begged BM to take him to our house so he could spend time with DH. When BM refused and went on a tangent about how bad DH & I are, AS got upset and called his adoptive father to make arrangements to go back to his city. He was done with the drama and wanted to go home. His adoptive father couldn't get him home immediately & suggested he call DH to see if he could stay with us for a day or so until they could get him home, thus prompting the text & phone call to DH. When BM saw AS about to leave with his bags, she asked him where the hell he was going and when he replied that he was going to spend time with his birth father, BM screamed in his face that he was a worthless piece of shit and that she was done with him. He said that she kept getting closer and closer to him until they were nearly nose to nose and that she would raise her hand like she wanted to hit him. This is when he walked out and went to wait at the curb.
SD & BM both were sending cruel and threatening texts, facebook messages, and emails to him. SD even called a few times and verbally abused him. The attacks became so intense, his adoptive parents had his phone disabled and the number changed so that the harassment would stop.
Here's my question... How in the hell does a mother wait EIGHTEEN YEARS to meet/hug/hold/bond with the child she gave up for adoption and then throw it all away by calling him a worthless piece of shit simply because he wants an opportunity to know where the other half of his genetics come from?! What makes it all even worse is this kid is so incredibly sweet and loving and caring. He truly has a kind heart. How do you wait your entire life to meet your sibling and then shit all over him like that?! How could they hurt him like this?!
AS ended up spending Sat-Wed with us. His parents drove here to pick him up and took the time to get to know DH & I and our kids. They all loved us so much that AS is flying back to our city tomorrow to stay with us indefinitely so he can get to know us. BM & SD tried so hard to alienate AS from DH, that they drove him directly into DH's arms. Its their loss. I have a stronger bond with AS after one extended weekend than I have with 3 skids after 8 freaking years.
AS asked me if he could call me mom. He said that I had done more for him in one weekend than he felt BM could ever do in an entire lifetime. I told him I didn't mind if he called me mom, but only if he was comfortable with it. He has been sending us texts every day thanking us and telling us he loves us. He even sent me a very sweet Happy Mothers Day text.
I'd almost like to send BM a thank you card for pushing him into our lives, only she's not worth the postage nor the spit required to seal the envelope...
I'm just speechless. That
:? I'm just speechless. That poor kid!
Blessings for you and OH though, and at least now he gets to know his dad, and can feel good that at least ONE of his bio parents is a functioning human being.
"It's not uncommon for some
"It's not uncommon for some PASed kids to end up alienated from the alienator once they realize they've been lied to." what a true statement tog! skids were "closet-pas'd" by MIL, and now the truth's out they dont want much of anything to do with her...
OP- i'm so glad that you have another wonderful addition to your life, sounds like his adopted parents raised him well, and he likely inherited some of your DH's good qualities
I understand that he wants to
I understand that he wants to get to know BM and your DH but... there's something very strange about how he keeps making plans to stay with you guys for long periods of time. he has a family... you are his family too, but it seems like he should take more time to build relationships before moving in with ya'll.
she's a disgusting POS.
she's a disgusting POS. apparently her hate for dh is stronger than other emotion she has. she probably knew that AS would like dh and you better than her, and that's why she tried so hard to keep him away. when it failed, she lost her damn mind because she knew you and dh were going to get what she wanted all to herself and she would get nothing. }:) poor kid. i'm sure he is thrilled to no end at this point to have not been raised by that psycho bitch.