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Yes, I know I am being a complete ass.

stressed-mom's picture

Submitted by stressed-mom on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 5:23pm

As per my blog earlier... and mine and SD8 arguments DH told her last night that she was grounded and that she can provide for herself (according to her "SM does nothing for me and doesn't buy me stuff" comment). I know SD8, and I know this effects her not at all to have to make her own sandwich so I told her that she could pay for her stuff as well, otherwise she is only using my stuff therefore that is still me doing for her.

Today I get home from work and she promptly starts with her "I'm making dinner. I'm hungry." I told her to pay up. She went to her room. Upon further thought I decided that had she been in jail they would atleast provide her with bread and water. Had she went to a homeless shelter they probably would have given her sandwich. So I did that. I made her a PBJ and glass of water. She then asked for something to go with it. I told her "ok. Carrots cost $1." After the 10 minutes of "WHYS?!!?" and me not saying a thing or even looking at her (per steptalk advice) while I went along and proceeded to cook DH and myself dinner she finally got up and handed me $1.

Now I realize this is kind of harsh, but I really need something to drive home the fact that I am done being ran over and attacked by her. Im fed up with it all and I can't take it.

Comments

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 5:58pm

I'm old school, and I didn't read your other blog, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's not too harsh.

My DS13 pulled some crap like this last year sometime, talking about how he does chores but doesn't get paid. (He has paid chores and unpaid chores, but he has to do his unpaid chores every day. Paid chores are things any kid can do if their unpaid chores are done, for extra cash). I had to break down how many privelages he had around here, and he got the picture REAL quick. I said "Okay, no more chores. And no more privelages." I took his TV, DVD player, computer, cell phone, game systems, and left him with a bed and books. He was VERY apologetic when he realized how much he takes for granted.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 11:25pm

This, this, this,> Sometimes u have to take away their privileges to make them realize they don't own SHIT! I have to do this a few times a year with my own kids sometimes, they get big in their britches and have to put them back in their place.

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 2:56am

Charging an 8 year old for food is pretty crazy and is more likely to undermine you than reinforce your position because you can't possibly enforce it. You're engaging in a childish tit for tat battle with her instead of deciding sensible rules and consequences up front with DH and then enforcing them to the hilt.

If I'm a bolshy 8 year old, and I wind up my stepmom to the point she tells me I have to do everything for myself, then I act like I don't care, and she is wound up even more and says I have to pay for everything I use, then on the first day on this plan she says I can't have a sandwich, then makes me a sandwich and a drink and doesn't even make me do it myself I would not be taking stepmom seriously.

If this child has you on the run you have to be 100% consistent, clear and calm. She needs a rules list, chores, agreed consequences and a reward chart and for DH, supported by you, to enforce it consistently every time. You sit down with her, you explain how its going to work, you stick to it. Rewards are activities, treats, anything that will motivate her. Consequences are losing a set amount of tv time, not playing out, not visiting friends/family, extra chores etc. You are the adults, you are in charge, stop sinking to her level and letting her back you into making up silly punishments on the fly that she won't respect and you can't enforce.