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Baseball Drama Again

mndblwn's picture

Submitted by mndblwn on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 11:19am

Stepson wanted to play baseball again this year. Dh and I signed him up thinking that BM would come to her senses. Last year skid missed 3 games which were all during her scheduled visits. This year he misses 5 out of the 10 games due to her visitation. She won't switch time with us claiming that skid has church and family activities even though she has known since March that skid was in baseball. Skid has practice thursday night so we gave her the option of having him miss and she picks up normal time or he goes and she picks him up later at practice. She of course chooses later cuz that means she works an hour later yet now skid misses all games. She comes up with all excuses now and never said there were issues in the beginning. skid wants to play so bad and yet he just gives in to her bribes and sweet talk. he can do church his whole life and baseball is 2 months out of the whole year. she won't even come up a day later to watch the friday night game and then go home.

it's to the point where DH and I won't get skid involved in any activity here in his home town which he is here 60% of the time. BM complains about driving and here she has an out but still comes up with excuses. she wants DH to help drive for visitation so skid doesn't get to her house so late but now its ok for him to practice and get home later. what gives? now skid has all his hopes of playing and she smashes it. last year she told us he wasn't going to play because we wouldn't let her have him every other year for taxes.

we drive ourselves nuts trying to do the right thing by this kid and we always gets stomped on for it. whether it's this type of stuff or the attitude that is brought home by skid because he is catered to with her.

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step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 11:39am

This could be me posting.

SS missed half of his football games in the fall. DH and BM were still going through court and the judge cut out BM's Saturdays from her EOWE's that she had at the time. She now saw her son only 2 days a month and this was fine with her as long as she didn't have to drive SS to football.

The latest court order states that BOTH parents must support SS13 in his activities and bring him to events when he is in their care. We alerted BM that football started in july back in March and she immediately began texting that she did not want SS to play and football was unsafe.

DH told her that it wasn't her choice. She could do what she wanted and she was aware of what the consequences would be at that time. Our hope is that she won't take him, that we will take her back to court to reduce her back to two Saturday nights a month and then request child support at that time.

We'll see.

It's very fustrating. the kid doesn't want to be in the middle of BM and DH arguing about his activities, so he'd just assume not play. Which again, is very sad. He doesn't want to lose time with BM but the kid LOVES playing. BM has been absent for 7 years of SS's life so SS is thrilled to have her back in his life, but doesn't want to do things to make her upset.

It's hard to know what's right: not enroll him in activities because BM is too lazy to put her kid first, to enroll him and just let him suffer the consequences of what happens when he doesn't show up during her time, or just not enroll him at all and have him miss out on something he likes.

Really hard decision. SS is 13 and he just started playing organized sports and he NEEDS this type of interaction with other kids and he needs to continue to develop his interests. It's hard.

mndblwn's picture

Submitted by mndblwn on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 11:50am

Thank you for your post. SS already sees that BM is being mean about not letting him play. DH has let him know that SS is the one that needs to talk to her because she doesn't listen to DH. SS said he would be mad at his mom but he doesn't have the guts to tell her. DH gets the brunt of everything yet he is the best parent especially when our BM is only present after 4 years because of me. We have decided that we aren't doing baseball next year because it's not worth the time, money or excitement. SS will hopefully learn to resent her and realize that she is a joke just like we do.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 12:41pm

Wow. Such similarities to our stories. Our BM only started coming around when she realized I was serious with DH... and all of a sudden her son was 11.

Ss13 wanted to play basketball. We told him we'd be happy to sign him up but he had to at least talk with his mom and let her know that he wanted to play. We didn't even care if she took him, but HE had to have the discussion with his mother. He decided not to have the discussion. We told him the same thing with baseball. Again, no discussion. The poor kid has to go with us to the park for both my DD12's softball games and DS8's baseball games and during basketball season - it was the same thing. He got to sit on the sidelines and watch. I'm sure it went through his head that he wasn't playing because of BM.

Now with football, we originally told him, he was playing and that BM had already agreed. But as soon as she got the schedule from us and realized she would have to drive him several times a week for practice during her time in the summer, she started to talk him out of it. She even put it in his head that it was not a safe sport and that he'd get hurt. Frankly, I'm over it as to whether he plays or not. Not worth my time and energy. I have three kids of my own to cart around to activities and if he says he doesn't want to play, then that's fine with me. Plus - the $250 enrollment fee, money for equipment, tournaments, etc. I'm fine not puting money into it since BM doesn't pay any child support.

Plus, SS13 had not done so well this school year, so we have told him that summer he won't be going to camps and doing fun things, that he'll be attending tutoring and math and writing classes. So, that's fine with me too. School comes first and it's not all fun and games. He needs to learn about choices, etc.

mndblwn's picture

Submitted by mndblwn on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 6:44pm

I know with my own daughter with DH and planning having another one in the near future that I wont ever miss out on these sorts of things but it breaks my heart for my DH to watch his first born to go through things like this. BM bailed at about 1.5 yrs and left them alone until he was about 5 in which i then was in the picture. i almost wish she would leave now for those four years. i understand that church can be important however interaction with children his own age is more important at this age. baseball is two months out of the whole year. SS has a heart issue and this is the only sport besides golf or bowling that he can do so why not embrace that is what I ask? she wants to take us to court and act like we don't want him involved in activities because we won't get her the time she needs to go to church. Like I said earlier she was aware that SS was signed up in march and needed to make her announcements then not now when we are one game down into the season. we didn't ask her to pay for anything. we told her she is more than welcome to come to the games and that ss would really like that but no. i'm sick of the excuses and bribing and sweet talk to the kid only because it's just plain crap. she talks in circles to us and doesn't like the driving so one drive in the summer is better than those 4 weekends now but oh no can't have DH getting something that he is asking for. heaven forbid. we never usually talk with her unless it really will benefit ss. she is a piece of work and really it is only going to cause an issue later in life. i just hope DH doesn't get the brunt by ss.

mndblwn's picture

Submitted by mndblwn on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 6:45pm

I know with my own daughter with DH and planning having another one in the near future that I wont ever miss out on these sorts of things but it breaks my heart for my DH to watch his first born to go through things like this. BM bailed at about 1.5 yrs and left them alone until he was about 5 in which i then was in the picture. i almost wish she would leave now for those four years. i understand that church can be important however interaction with children his own age is more important at this age. baseball is two months out of the whole year. SS has a heart issue and this is the only sport besides golf or bowling that he can do so why not embrace that is what I ask? she wants to take us to court and act like we don't want him involved in activities because we won't get her the time she needs to go to church. Like I said earlier she was aware that SS was signed up in march and needed to make her announcements then not now when we are one game down into the season. we didn't ask her to pay for anything. we told her she is more than welcome to come to the games and that ss would really like that but no. i'm sick of the excuses and bribing and sweet talk to the kid only because it's just plain crap. she talks in circles to us and doesn't like the driving so one drive in the summer is better than those 4 weekends now but oh no can't have DH getting something that he is asking for. heaven forbid. we never usually talk with her unless it really will benefit ss. she is a piece of work and really it is only going to cause an issue later in life. i just hope DH doesn't get the brunt by ss.