What do you think?
Yesterday during our visit to SO's parents (we had his kids with us),a few minutes before we had to leave to take them home, his daughter announced we had to go back to his house before taking them home and it was important - but she wouldn't say why. SO doesn't do well with being told what to do without the why and of course he's drilling her about why we need to go back and she starts crying just saying we have to go back.
So we start walking out to the car and he's huffin' and puffin' and she finally says "I NEED TO GET MY BIRTH CONTROL PILLS YOU F$ck!n' D!ck!"
Her twin brother and I kind of back off and walk really slow. We have no intention of getting in the middle of this.
SO says "I never thought I'd hear that coming out of your mouth!!"
We all get in the car and it's very quiet and tense. On the way to the house, SO says "Well I'm going to call your mother and tell her why we're going to be late" and she sniffles and says "OK".
Not sure exactly what was said inside the house, the son and I stayed in the car. SO and daughter get back in the car and she's frantically texting and his phone is blowing up.
I think he's most pissed that he didn't know and he was kept out of it. She is 14 and has apparently been on it for a year or so now. Since her mother has six kids by 4 different men, I think it's great that she's hopefully not going to pop out any babies any time soon. Of course, he's a dad and thinking about his little girl like that is ...well let's just say he's infuriated. She may be taking them for heavy periods or regulation; I tried to tell him that but he said "That's what they always tell the dads!"
As a woman, I always feel that my business is private and I don't have a daughter of my own so I don't know what to think - but hell, my mother wouldn't even talk to me about getting birth control and Ihad to get it on my own. My parents were divorced and I know I sure as shit didn't tell my dad about this kind of thing - but once I was removed from his house @ 13 I stopped visiting him for extended periods of time.
We dropped them off and the look on her face, well let's just say it was pitiful and I felt for her.
So we drive off and he tells me that Horsehead told him it's none of his business, he has no right to be involved in "womanly" things and hung up on him. I guess that's when the nasty texts started. I asked him what he would have said if she would have called him and said "I'm putting our daughter on birth control"? Would he have been cordial and accepting of it or would he have been an overprotective dad and got pissy? He said he didn't know but he has the right to know about the medications his children are taking. Which I can't disagree with him about.
I'm not sure even intact families don't have this particular problem because it's so touchy. You're almost always positive a boy isn't on birth control, right? 
In reality, none of this is my business or place to get involved - but he was very pissy last night and I just kept to myself.
What do you think? Do you think HH should have been required to tell him or is this a private thing for his daughter?
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My mom put me on bc when I
My mom put me on bc when I was 16 when my SM found out she blew up and called me all sorts of nasty names and was ticked my mom didn't get permission from my dad. I put my dd on bc because I don't want grand babies and she doesn't want to be a mom yet and even said "I don't know if I want to do that (sex) yet, but I do want to be safe if it happens" She told her dad it was for heavy periods when his gf's kid tried to get her in trouble over it she'd been on it for a good 4 months. I didn't hear a word from him he knows better it's woman business I'd of told him to bugger off and no daughter's don't want to discuss it with dad.
I agree that he should know
I agree that he should know for those reasons - it's just..they're soo shitty with each other that they can't see the forest through the trees.
Thank goodness, SO's parents were still in the house. They both would have been horribly wounded if they heard that come out of their granddaughters mouth.
If she was put on BC for
If she was put on BC for period issues, I wouldn't see the big deal about telling him.
The defensiveness of both SD and BM makes me think it's not that, and I can see not wanting to tell him his daughter is having sex, especially at such a young age.
Still no excuse for calling him a F$ck!n' D!ck.
I wish she could be grounded
I wish she could be grounded for that. But it's a Sunday evening 30 minutes prior to having to go home.
HH isn't going to care and if he tried to punish her the next time she came to his house, she just wouldn't come.
HH calls him names like that all the time and SD just follows suit.
I agree that she didn't want
I agree that she didn't want to announce it. However, he gave her ample opportunities to go aside with him and discuss why we HAD to drive back another 30 minutes to get "something". Instead of being private and polite, she was nasty rude and insistant then called him a name.
Her twin brother already knew she was on Birth Control. While they were in the house,he said "I don' tknow why it's big deal. I know she's on it" - that was to me. I did not tell my SO that his son knew and he didn't. I didn't want to get into that with him.
I think cussing her dad out
:jawdrop: I think cussing her dad out is a HUGE deal - if BS said that to me he'd be looking for his teeth...
what she said was out of line
what she said was out of line and she should have been slapped immediately. at the same time, i know that the reason she lost control and said it is because she was forced to tell her dad something she didn't want him to know.
when i was 13, my grampa and i sat in the car and he cried because his mom had just died. i cried with him because he was my favorite person and i hated to see him hurting. i went into the house and it was obvious i had been crying. i didn't want to talk about it. my mom pestered and poked and demanded until i told her why i was crying. she did the same thing when my first bf broke my heart. i didn't want to eat dinner and i didn't want to leave my room. i was crying. she forced me to the table and wouldn't shut her damn mouth until i told her why i was crying. it was not out of concern, it was out of pure nosiness that she did this. when i told her i had been dumped, she said "oh", and went on with her night. no hug, no talk, no nothing. she didn't care. she was just fucking nosy. and it was very infuriating that i was forced to tell her something so personal that she didn't give a shit about anyway.
i'm not saying dh is like my mom. i would be demanding to know why i am being told to drive back to a place i just left, too. i understand that. and i'm not saying what sd did was ok, she could have chosen her words much better. i'm just saying that she likely didn't mean what she said and it came out in frustration at having to tell dad something she very much wanted to keep to herself. she's a teenage girl. there are a lot of things she's not going to want to talk to him about.
the thing is - my SO
the thing is - my SO genuinely wants to know whats going on with his kids. He genuinely cares - and it breaks his heart that his daughter is growing up to act and behave just like his ex wife.
He's the one who told her about her Period in the first place, three years ago. He's the one who takes her for her products because HH told her she has no money for stuff like for her.
In the last year or so, she's becomes someone he doesn't know and she acts like her mother.
Honestly? I'd be more
Honestly? I'd be more concerned about what came out of her mouth instead of what was going in it.
You know what I never
You know what I never understand? How can BM say it's not his business.
What if she passed out, and something was wrong and she was not conscience when you take her to the doctor. How do you know what to tell them for current meds?
BM are assholes...well except me
Funny you should say that -
Funny you should say that - (about the STDs) HH sent him a barrage of texts this morning about why she's better at this than he is and blah blah blah. So he said "Well you're a nurse and you should know that the bill doesn't stop her from catching diseases" and she said "It prevents what I want it to prevent"
WTF does that mean?!?!?!
If she's got that kind of power - I need in on that secret! DAMN!
What do you
What do you think?
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I think she should have been knocked on her ass for talking like that to her dad.
The day my Skid, Biokid, or
The day my Skid, Biokid, or ANY kid speaks to me or my DH in that manner will be the day I end up handcuffed to a chair in a police department because I will knock out someone's front teeth.
Very very sad.
IMO... It takes 2 to make a
IMO...
It takes 2 to make a child and 2 to raise the child. Both parents have rights to know what is happening with the child socially, physically, spiritually, sexually, emotionally and psychologically.
Just because it's a "female issue" doesn't give the mother the right to keep information from the father. BM should have had a conversation with DH and explain what was happening with SD. DH may not like what's going on, especially with SD being 14, but I think he would have felt better knowing than being left in the dark about his daughter.