am i wrong?
Is it wrong of me to expect my husband's family to pay attention to our newborn?
Because I somehow believe that in a family, when there's a new baby, the grandmother would be interested. Probably the aunts and uncles, too. It just seems like the normal thing.
However, I can tell already that my baby will not only not be recieving any love or attention from them - but that they will try to make the bith of my baby about my stepdaughters, just like everything else.
It hurts me that my child will probably go without their affection, but seeing SDs be showered in love&gifts. They can be really good to people they want to treat good.. And I wish my child was one of them because it's a member of the family, not only SDs, but our baby too. But everything has to be made about SDs.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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No, you are not wrong, not in
No, you are not wrong, not in the slightest. These obsessed inlaws, trust me, I have the same kind, are the ones in the wrong. It is weird and not normal at all for them to have tunnel vision about the skids.
It sounds like the in-laws
It sounds like the in-laws are making up for the 'poor widdle' SDs divorced parent status. I mean, your baby has both parents. Poor SDs don't.
My MIL used to be like that.
My MIL used to be like that. She would do anything for SD, would only come visit if she knew SD was here, would always ensure that if we went to visit SD was coming, would buy special gifts for SD. My DD was always left out. We were both hurt but I know you can't force outsiders to accept your children as family. My DH and I didn't like it but figured this was just how she was because she did the same thing with her two brothers kids. To her only blood seemed to matter. Then DH and I had a baby together. You would like MIL would have oohed and aahed over her. Nope - everything was still about SD and SD only. It wasn't until one Father's Day when she was going to take SD shopping for DH (that's right just SD, not the other too) that DH and I let her have it. We made it very clear that she had three grandchildren here and if she couldn't accept that, she was no longer welcome here. She's been fine ever since.
Wow she sounds kind of
Wow she sounds kind of bitchy... Reminds me of my MIL!
I don't think that letting her have it would work in our situation because the SDs are 12, 14 and 18. Even if we told her he's not welcome to OUR house, she can have them at her place, outside, at their mother's.. Well basically anywhere. They're not small kids so we can't keep her away.
What bothers me about this is that my child will feel left out and it's not something I want her to experience from people who should love her. I know that in life she'll sometimes be left out,and sometimes not, just like all of us, but I also think that it shouldn't come from her own family. And I don't want her to grow up in a situation like this.. Occasionally being left out, OK.. being left out all the time, NOT OK..
I just wish they would stop and think what's really the best thing to do. They seem to never think about anything but how to please SDs.
My MIL is the same way. Old,
My MIL is the same way. Old, bitter women just do stuff like that to upset daughters-in-law, I think.
My Inlaws don't even
My Inlaws don't even acknowledge my children in public. I'm talking both their stepgrandcildren AND bio grandchild. They were born from my loins so apparently they've decided to hate them for that reason. My ss however lives with them. Part of the reason they can't stand my kiddos is because dh, for years, in an attempt to get Inlaws to like our children would talk up their good qualities, their old grades and such. Evidently this infuriated them because ss fails at school.
I think that if we tried, one
I think that if we tried, one day, to talk up our daughter with having good qualities,they'd just come to the conclusion that no one compares to their princesses and just ignore it. :?
I know he needs to set them
I know he needs to set them straight, however I can't really tell if it's possible to set them straight now.
Earlier it could have been done, but now? I'm not sure.
The only thing he can do is stop them from seeing our baby, which wouldn't set them straight because they don't really care. And I'm not even sure how much they care about him, since if they cared, they'd at least try to be civil to his wife and to acknowledge his baby.
But they only seem to care about SDs.
They are POS indeed, but when they love someone, they're great to them. The way they treat SDs is really loving, caring, affectionate and they can always go to grandma and each of the aunts (even their husbands!) and talk, ask for advice. It's a good relationship between them, but the bad part is giving them anything they express liking for, and not caring about anyone else. Three of the aunts have children, who are older than SDs and treat them the same way. They always have someone to come to, someone to rely on, someone that will fix things.. And I don't want my baby to miss out on that. I know that if they loved her, she'd really, really have it good. But if they don't, she'll have to watch SDs get it all and she gets nothing.
What makes it worse,I only have my mom and no one else, +she lives in another country. It's just very hard for me. Even I have a hard time not having such love and support, let alone a child or a teenager that has to watch someone else get all of it, which is what my daughter is going to be I guess. I just want to save her from that.
Not yet, two more weeks!
Not yet, two more weeks!
I'm so excited!
A lot of people who don't
A lot of people who don't have kids or maybe their kids are grown, are not that interested in infants, and it is nothing personal.
Babies are a lot of work as you know, they cry and are fragile and poop the diaper then someone has to change it. These things alone will keep many people away.
I am sorry but that is true and it seems new moms often take it personally when it isn't.! Now if they ignore the child after infancy and it is not due to a behavior issue with the child, then I would definitely object.!!
So don't worry yet dear . .. hugs.
Yeah my SO's mum is like
Yeah my SO's mum is like that, she sees SS all the time but has only seen DD once since she was born, she is 9 weeks old today! I am pissed about it coz DD will miss out but at the same time I'm not pissed about it as DD has my mum and dad plus heaps of aunts and uncles on my side so there's plenty of love to go round without her and her shitty attitude!! Hopefully once your bubs is born things will be different with your inlaws!