I just had the kids ask me tonight if they could call me "mom". It's come up before and I've always changed the subject because it was the youngest one (Cool asking. But tonight it was all three together (like they talked in the other room and came as one) and asked me in front of FDH.
First, FDH has primary custody. I get the kids ready every morning for school. Help them with their homework every night.
I do typical "parent" things with them, at the request of FDH, (and the hatred of BM). I have a pretty good relationship with all three 95% of the time...
So, my first gut response to the question was, "why would you do that?"
The youngest said, "well cause you act like a mom should."
The oldest said, "we aren't saying you act like MOM, we are saying you act like A mom"
I responded, "won't that get confusing? if you said ' mom said she was going to pick us up from school for a doctors appointment' who would you be talking about?"
The middle boy said, "well right now mom gets mad because we keep calling her your name and you don't yell at us when we accidentally call you mom"
FDH said, "they used to call my mom ' mom' when they were younger. And I did get an ass eating once from BM because the kids kept calling her grandma. So I guess the kids are just asking if they can use what has worked for them before"
So I turned to the kids and said, "I'm sorry that your mom gets upset when you call her the wrong name, but calling me the wrong name isn't the way to fix mom's problem with me. I accidentally call you guys the wrong names. I call my own sisters the wrong names sometimes. It happens. But that doesn't mean I should call everyone ' sis' from now on so I don't upset my sisters by calling them the wrong name"
The kids were sad.
And honestly, I was sad.
I do EVERYTHING for these kids.
BUT I am not their mom, no mater how badly their real mom treats them, no matter how badly they want me to be and no matter how badly I want to be...»