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Crush on an EMS

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Mon, 04/08/2013 - 3:41pm

I feel very guilty for thinking these things...although I think I know where they are stemming from.
I was out yesterday with my daughter and ended up having to call emerge as she bumped her head. Thankfully, she didnt need any stitches and everything was okay.
Except for the fact, I devloped a crush on an EMS worker, who ironically has the same name as my BF.
I love my boyfriend a lot, but sometimes feel unsatisfied(as I think many of us do, thru the ups and downs of relationships).
I think I feel this way because A)bf who is not the father(is about 20 years older than I), parents do not approve
and society doesnt approve. B)If we have kids together he'll be close to 70 by the time they graduate HS.
However, I have deep feelings for my BF. C)Not to sound materialistic, I have more assets currently than BF.
D)Resentment towards the BM, more in monetary ways than anything else.
With the EMS guy(max 10 years older than me), their was this unspoken chemistry, perhaps it was me being blinded by attraction. We did speak,but not too much.
He mentioned to the triage, "if he should stay with us or go back on duty". Nurse, said"He should go back on duty." I think I could be wrong and trust me I have been(many times) his way of hitting on me...not to sound egotistical.
There was other things as well....
I would never cheat, but its nice in a weird way to have that high school crush feeling again.
I just needed to get it off my chest as I feel guilty.

Comments

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Submitted by RainbowsAndDaisies on Mon, 04/08/2013 - 5:12pm

Lol i think you're over analyzing :). Pretty sure it's purely chemical lol

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

Submitted by ownpersonalopinion1 on Mon, 04/08/2013 - 5:31pm

You need to really think about the age difference. I was in a similar situation years ago. The age and health difference does matter years later.

Your not married. Go for it.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Mon, 04/08/2013 - 10:03pm

What lavender said , nothing more exciting than being in the back of the ambulance as a student, (not fire EMT) and new young probie fireman after a call, gets in back and lots of adjusting, taking off his turn out coat trying to get his cell in his pants pocket,it was a good day to be a student, sit back relax and um watch the show.

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Tue, 04/09/2013 - 2:28pm

Hey Nena,
I read your last post on your blog. And yes I definitely get why you would say that.
I was in a similar situation to yours a couple of years ago, although thankfully, me and my ex had our first child together. No BM drama untill now with SO. Just ex drama lol. And please dont do anything above and beyond for him, I did and my ex ended up screwing me around, because like you I still had feelings for him, it takes a while to get over.
Good for you that your a paramedic, you really don't realize how vital these workers are...untill your in an emergency situation. It is quite amazing and I was really impressed not just with how hot, they are. At least where I am in Canada, from what I remember in the hospital, my guy was the hottest, the rest were mediocre.
So I say jump on that band wagon, oh I mean paramedic LOL! It'll do you and your baby good to be out in the workforce, helping peoples lives!

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Tue, 04/09/2013 - 2:23pm

Thanks everyone for responding. You know when you make a connection with someone and its just too coincidental? Thats how this encounter was.
A) He had the same name as my BF.
Dirol We have the same allergy lol
C) It seemed he wanted to stay with us, otherwise he wouldnt have asked the nurse(unless its standard)if he should.
D) We both knocked on wood, after I said "Luckily my daughter doesnt have the same allergy as me and other things" or something like that, and he said "Ill knock on wood for you"
Yes it is lame, gay petty. It is hard to explain. The only other explanation I can come up with,... is the fact that I have b een having anxiety attacks lately(from the Mirena Iud withdrawal) and when I was in that emerge moment, I wasnt panicky. Perhaps, it was life telling me to let go and not worry so much. And, I am dating someone 20 years older and I always thought guys around my age wouldn't like me. Again maybe life is telling me,"see there are guy out there around your age who may like you."
Sometimes I feel like I am settling, just suffer from low confidence. Oh well. Ill figure it out!
Again Ill say it, its nice to have those butterflies in your stomach again! I'll thank him for that! Wont see him again! But it was nice!

mommabear's picture

Submitted by mommabear on Thu, 04/11/2013 - 2:57pm

Every time I drive by the grocery store and see the firetruck in the parking lot, I can always think of something that I just have to have and can't possibly live one more minute without!! hehehe }:) I really am absolutely head over heels for DH, but my-oh-my, those fire'boys' (they are kinda young around my parts) are just the yummiest eye candy!

As for the 'connection' thing, that's actually how DH and I met. We worked together for 3 years before we were both single, and after we started dating, we both agreed that the first time our eyes met, we felt an immediate connection. We were both married, so neither of us acted on it, or even let on that we felt a 'spark'.. but anyway - I get it.. I totally get what you are saying.