Really need some advice
Hi all, just want to throw a situation out there as I need an outsiders opinion before I tackle it. My SO is taking his son canyoning this weekend (it was my present to him for his 40th birthday). I'm looking forward to spending the weekend with my bios and my girlfriends. Here's the deal... He needs to stay for two nights in the north of our state, there is his mothers place not far from canyoning that she has said he can use, or there is a camp ground right at the place that most people use when they go. My SO wants to go stay with a couple who the wife happens to be BM best friend. I have not met these people in the three years we have been together and SO claims that they are his good friends too. I feel really wierd about it... Not sure why, the only time I hear these people mentioned in our home is when skids say that these folks have been to stay at Bm's or skids and BM have been to their house for a weekend. Just want to get a feel off objective people before I raise this with SO I mean it's not like BM will be there I just feel well weird. Thanks 
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No not going together just
No not going together just these folks live close to where the canyoning is. So does MIL... We go to this town and I have been up there to visit MIL several times in the past 3yrs but we have never gone to see these folks as a couple.....
It may feel uncomfortable for
It may feel uncomfortable for you and that's OK. It is not weird for you to feel this way. However from an objective outsider's standpoint, there is nothing inappropriate for your SO to stay with people who are his friends. BM isn't involved in any way in this trip.
Understand that while it's normal for you to feel uncomfortable about your SO's ties to his "past life," it's not your place to try to encourage him (even subtly) to cut off those ties.
Does your SO love you? Are you secure in the knowledge that he doesn't want to be with BM anymore, but is happier now with you in his life? If the answer to these questions is yes, you have nothing to worry about and if you lodge any objections you will come off as insecure and untrusting.
Thanks. I kinda see this I
Thanks. I kinda see this I just do feel insecure!! Yes my SO loves me, yes he is totally into me and no he would never go back to BM... Doesn't hate her just had a toxic relationship with her. I know I am probably over reacting like a ninny!! Just find this weird feeling hard to process.
Yep!! That thought has
Yep!! That thought has crossed my mind... I love my SO however and I want him to have fun with his gift, that was the whole intention (and some badly needed one on one with ss
) just felt a bit blind sided with his plan.... The weekend will come and go though and no doubt it will all be fine and by Monday I'll be sitting there thinking what was I worried about **shrugs, SMH**
So he turned your lovely gift
So he turned your lovely gift into a potential drama fest for BM. Potential yes, but potential is still something of a worry
^^ this is the root cause of
I would feel awkward about it
I would feel awkward about it as well. I have been with my husband for three years and I can tell ya, if I have not met his friends yet, they are not his friends. Maybe an acquaintance or someone he went t school with that we bump into at WM but not a real friend that he would go stay the night with. Just seems weird to me that all of the sudden they are close yet you have never met them in all this time.
I personally would express my
I personally would express my insecurity to him. My DH has me raising his painfully problematic SS16---so for sure that gives me carte blanche to express anything to him at this point. See what he says. If he doesn't see it your way, then go into his luggage when he's not looking & write on all his t-shirts with a Sharpie---"Please do not ask me anything personal about my very loving & happy relationship" HAHA
Lol!!! I might just try that
Lol!!! I might just try that
Seems like there are a lot of
Seems like there are a lot of people on this thread who don't think a man should have any good friends that he hangs out with alone even ONCE if they're also still friends with his former wife. That strikes me as really petty, insecure and unnecessary.
Is it preferable for a man to cut out all his old friends from his life, or put them "on hold" until his new lady can size them up and approve them? What kind of man would that be? How weak is your relationship if you don't think your man is capable of spending time with old friends WITHOUT the ex anywhere for miles around? :?
No Dallas that's not what I
No Dallas that's not what I want at all. I just find it odd that even though we have been in that town several times in the past few years he has never suggested seeing them. Ever. They have not
kept in touch with him but still keep regular contact with bm. The two families used to spend significant time together. I'm totally into my so having his own time with friends, just not sure why he's looking to rekindle this particular friendship after so long. I hate feeling insecure about it and wish I had a way to reconcile it in my own mind so I could understand
No different bm. 2 sons to
No different bm. 2 sons to bm1 and 1 daughter to bm2 plus another "inherited" daughter to bm2...
Tell him how you feel and
Tell him how you feel and leave it up to him. Not in a confrontational way but just very matter of factly...Something along the lines of "I'm sure you're gonna think I'm being totally ridiculous but I'm feeling a little uneasy about you spending the weekend at the home of your ex's BFFs whom I've never met. You hardly even speak to them anymore are you sure it isn't going to be awkward?"
See what he says...