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OT - Let's talk about sex...

simifan's picture

So... DH and I have had a rough year. Part of the problem I think is that the closer DH gets to 40 the more his sex drive seems to plummet. My sex drive doesn't seem to have changed much from my 20's. It bothers me when he turns me down, even though I try not to take it personally. He really seems to not be in the mood and I just don't get it. I've asked him to talk to a doctor - but i think he'd prefer water-boarding.

Anybody else dealing/dealt with this? Help a girl out here

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fedup13's picture

I have not personally, but my Aunt did. She is the type that NOTHING is private or off the table and she told my Mom that she finally got my Uncle to go the doctor, thinking he was depressed or something, and they put him on testosterone injections. They run commercials about it now sometimes, low testosterone can be a cause for low sex drive in men starting in their 30's. It does render them COMPLETELY infertile though. They will shoot blanks, it is pretty much male birth control with a 97% success rate, another thing she bragged about, no more worrying about a late in life baby.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

My DH is nearing the 40 mark as well, a few years shy at this point. Diet, exercise, destressing, and mental stimulation plays a huge role I think.

For a while we seemed to be stuck in a rut, me in my mid twenties, I was not going to take it lying down. We found some articles on how to get back into it--tried to psychologically analyze what was happening, and talked through it. it just seemed as though sex took a backseat to everything else--household chores, renovations, work, etc.

So finally, even though we didn't want to, I asked him (since he was the one who was most tired all the time) to pick two days that are sex-nights. Whichever two days he felt he'd be up for it. No matter how tired he was, no matter how many times we've done it on the other days, these two days were our days. No complaints, treat it as a chore you do with a smile on your face.

Sex is a funny thing, if you don't do it for long enough, you end up not wanting to expend the energy to start. Like... sex procrastination? Sexcrastination? But when we scheduled it, we got back in the groove after a few weeks, and now go at it somewhere between 2-4 times a week for the last half year, with HIM initiating--in comparison when it was once a month with ME initiating.

tryingmom's picture

Get his testosterone checked. My hubby had the T level of an 85 yr old man when he was checked. Shots have helped a lot. He is back into normal range and he does seem to have a lot more drive. He also was diagnosed as having sleep apnea, it seemed like his whole body was working against any drive for sex. CPAP and the shots, he is more rested and able to enjoy sex again. Smile

New second wife-step-mom's picture

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Hanny's picture

My SO just recently went on high blood pressure medication...and it has definitely made a difference in our sex life. Not sure if anything can be done about that...anyone's DH or SO on BM medication? It doesn't exactly ruin the drive, but makes it very hard to get stimulated and stay stimulated.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

My DH isn't but a friends DH went on it and he was very upset with the changes so he went back to the doc and they changed his medicine. She said things are much better now.