Hi everyone. Its been awhle since I wrote. Things with DH have been going well. My last blog entry I had written that DH had left us. I wasn't sure where he went or even if he'd be back. But he came back the next morning. We both apologized and things since then have been pretty good. We still have our issues but all in all he is trying to spend time with us more. I've gotten to the point with DD having just turned 1 a month ago I've been thinking about baby #2. I have wanted a big family as long as I can remember. I've always wanted to be a mom and DD has given me so much joy and love that I find myself longing for another baby. DH has known that I've wanted more than 1 kid since we got together. He gave me the impression early on that he was a family man and since he grew up in a broken family and bounced between his mom's house and his dad's house that he would want us to be together and raise up an intact family of our own. He really is a loving man. But ever since DD was born he hasn't been the father that I thought he would be. I know he loves her but he just doesn't have the fatherly instinct in him at all. He can go a day or two without talking to DD or wanting to see her. Sometimes unless I say something to him or ask him to spend time with her he would easily spend that time on the computer or doing whatever he wants. It is just not what I expected at all from him. Based on how I saw him with the limited time he had with SS I envisioned him to be a doting father. But I guess its just different when he actually has to live with the child day in and day out. I want another baby so bad. Its not that we have to have one right now but I want to know that it is on the horizon and that he is not only on board but excited about the prospect. I see other dads pupshing a stroller or talking to their babies and I almost tear up. DH has not spent even an hour by himself wth DD in her whole life. Yes it is partly my fault for not implicating this shared responsibility early on but would you leave your child with someone who clearly does not want to be left with her? ITs heartbreaking especially because he is her father.
When I brought it up recently he said to me "you really want another one? its so much work"
Well if you spent even an hour in our house you would see that I do 95% of the childcare for DD. I also work from home do all the housework (minus repairs and outside stuff) and all the groceries.
I would just want to know if anyone has any experience with this. I'm actually considering leaving him sometimes. It just hurts so bad. I've told him and he knows. HE tries to spend time with her and I but I can tell he does not enjoy it. He goes into a daze and stares off into space and thinks about work. I don't think its something you can change in a person. It breaks my heart to see DD stare so lovingly at her father and he is so engrossed in whatever hes reading on the computer to even notice or acknowledge her.