Positive things about skids?
Another poster put something up a couple of days ago trying to list positive things about their skid, and it made me think. So many of us are dealing with very stressful step situations with shitty skid behaviour and horrible bms and it's easy to lose sight of the good qualities in our skids. I should imagine there are many step parents who cannot say anything positive at all about their skids, specially when their shitty behaviour is allowed and enabled by the bio parents, but I wonder how many of us can see good in our skids even if they do irritate us quite a lot. My ss's live with us and have eowe and school holiday contact with bm. She is a typical guilty parent who lost custody to dh as the courts found her unfit to be a full time mother. She has emotionally abused them in the past and that resulted in them all having behaviour problems which took a long time, strict boundaries and routine and professional help to overcome. They're not perfect by a long way and still annoy the hell out of me with behaviour that would never have happened if they'd been my own kids, but when I think how far they've come in the last few years I know that things could have been a lot worse.
SS9 is a good kid. He's intelligent, thoughtful and has a great sense of humour. He's quite artistic, good at art and shows potential with music. He's really interested in cooking/baking and loves to help me in the kitchen, which can be hard work sometimes but I usually let him as I think it's good to encourage him. Out of the 3 of them, I think ss9 is going to grow up to be a really good guy as he doesn't have the self centred attitude that the other two do.
SS10 has a great sense of humour and says the randomest, funniest things. He is brilliant with electronics and technology and can work out games/computer stuff really fast. I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up being a games tester/creator when he's older. He's also a bright kid who excels at maths and like ss9, is always being praised by his teachers for good behaviour and a mature attitude at school. He's a popular kid who has lots of friends at school, which is a real achievement as a few years ago he was a very depressed and withdrawn kid due to bm's emotional abuse.
It's harder to think of many positives with ss16. He has proven to be a bully, a liar and a thief and now as a young adult he is more than old enough to make the choice to change and become a better person. At least we can be thankful he's never been in trouble with the police and although he has been in trouble at school, it's never been serious enough for him to be suspended. He is the laziest, greediest, most selfish person around the house and does his chores grudgingly after being chased by dh, but he is very keen to go out and find casual work to earn a bit of money which is a good thing, and during the summer he earned money from doing gardening/painting/labouring jobs and washing cars for neighbours. He is not academic at all and will get crap grades when he leaves school, but he is by no means stupid and is much better at practical stuff and fixing things than dh. He is thinking about a career in the forces which would be a good move for him, as he likes being outdoors doing physical stuff and the discipline would go him good.
All the skids love our 2 dogs and are great with them. They're very caring and protective of our older, arthritic dog and love to play with the younger, lively dog. They help to look after them though we don't let ss9 and ss10 walk the younger dog by themselves as she's very strong and is a bit of a handful. They're also all quite good with their manners after much training from dh and I, and are respectful to other adults like neighbours and my family. I should imagine the manners go out of the window at bm's as she has no manners herself and is a foul mouthed, lazy, disrespectful bitch who doesn't know how to parent. The kids used to come back from visiting her with a really shitty attitude but that was very firmly nipped in the bud when they were young so they don't do it anymore and settle straight back into our routine. I think coming home to see the dogs helps a lot as the kids and dogs are always over the moon to see each other.
They went to bm's yesterday for nearly 2 weeks and I'm loving the peace and quiet of just dh, me and the dogs. I don't really miss them when they're gone and couple time with dh is precious, but in a way I look forward to seeing them when they get back and I like to welcome them with a nice home cooked meal as I know bm is a crap cook!
Can anyone else find any positive among our often very negative situations?
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The positive aspects of
The positive aspects of SKids...hmmmm the only one I really have time for is older SS, he's 24. The youngest really are horrible! Twins, boy and girl, and they are now 19 years old. SD is about to do 3 months in jail...for what we do not know but she has asked if she 'may come here until she gets back on her feet?' I am NOT harboring a fugitive! I told DH, last time SD was in trouble, that if he's willing to take on the FULL responsibility of taking care of her, supervise her etc. then by all means she can come to stay. DH knows in his heart that he cannot control her, she's the original wild child, in the system since she was 13, kicked out of TWO group homes because they could not handle her? Oh, and I'm the bad SM who is the root of all the problems? The catalog of events with SD goes from bad to worse, culminating in her serving two years in a secure juvenile facility for a felony assault on the elderly, assault on an officer and resisting arrest...that sentence was deferred, in favor of drug court, but reinstated after SD failed drug court repeatedly.
Her twin? He's living here rent free, gets his phone and vehicle insurance paid and owes his dad and I over $1000 and is still not managing his money well. He hates me with a passion! I do not make waves, I take nothing to do with him. He left laundry in the drier for two days, yet again, so it's in a garbage bag! If he asks where it is I'll tell him he should know better than to ask me. Dare he retaliate! His ass will be out that door and he'll be living in his beloved truck! He dropped out of school in sophomore year, because he failed 8th grade TWICE, he went to live at friends' house, back to his mother, back to friends' house and at girlfriend's place for a little while...the catalyst for him moving on was being asked to pay RENT!? Whoever does not agree with him is a bitch or a son of a bitch, he transfers all of his responsibilities onto others...well...yours truly is NOT his scapegoat. I'm sorry for his troubles 'n' all but I am not responsible for them.
I wish I had some positive things to say, truly I do. I do not let it stop me from being myself though, I just ignore them for the most part. Don't get me started on the BM! LOL
My frustration in being a
My frustration in being a step parent is stemmed more from the bio mom. After years of casual PAS, the skids and I have no relationship. I love them, if they want one I will be happy to reciprocate.
My SD21, is a wondering lost young adult. I primarily blame her raising. She was taught she should have a say in life. That she is in charge the problem with that means she has trouble with jobs. I have seen a kind side to her, she is really smart and could go a long way if her mom would have brought her up to fly away from the mest.
SS16 can be a hard worker. But he's in the stage of its all about me.
Its sad that I've been with them 15.5 years, and I know nothing about them.
There are lots of good things
There are lots of good things about my SD and I do have to look to the good things more now than ever as her brat behavior has overtaken her awesome behavior as the years have passed. She has an awesome sense of humor, she has a genuine drive to learn new things all the time, and while it might bug some people, I think it's pretty awesome that she tries to be like me. Of course, I wonder at times how much her emulation of me is related to her trying to compete with me for SO's attention, though it's a competition she's in alone lol. But, even if it is related to that, I don't care because it just means we have more things we can talk about.
My SD is very smart and excels in math and science in school. Most recently, after GUBM moved her to her new school, she was in Algebra class and was given an assignment that neither she nor many of the other kids in class understood. She read her textbook and picked it up instantly and was able to help some of the other kids. Smart as a whip.
She's also got a lot of raw writing talent and such a creative mind. Now if only she would use it to figure out other ways to entertain herself besides hiding on her laptop or playing video games for hours on end...lol.
Well this post caught my eye
Well this post caught my eye only b/c it's making me think along a different line of thought for a minute.
Ss19 I have zero good to say about him, he is a clone of his mother and I cannot stand him at all. I act civil barely. Him and his gf are coming tomorrow for our c.mas eve fondue and I am not happy :sick: He has no job, lives off of his girlfriend's income and is just a leach. I have no respect or like for him at all.
Ss15 is not too bad and as he grows older he is actually getting easier. Yesterday he went to a friend's for a party and came downstairs all dressed in his suit and looked very handsome and I told him so, he flushed and said thankyou and then actually hugeed me real quick. First hug ever! He is doing better about girls and is going to church and is doing better in school. I see that he will grow up to be a very successful adult and that makes me happy!
There is a lot of good in my
There is a lot of good in my SD10, she is smart, kind, giving and generally polite. She and I actually have a really good relationship, we spend time together, bake together, she'll ask me to come crawl in bed with her during reading time so we can read together or once she asked me to come to her room, she just wanted some girl time to just talk.
I think what annoys me most is that I am not allowed to "parent" her at all. BM constantly accuses me of trying to be her mother and the one time I thought we had a productive conversation about things, she screams at SO that I just sat there for an hour and bitched about their daughter and called her spoiled. Well. . . if the shoe fits.
But the behaviors that drive me crazy are typical 10 year old behaviors (maybe the neediness and selfishness are exaggerated though because of BM and SO spoiling her to no end, although SO has gotten much better about this). BUT if I am annoyed and frustrated, I can't say anything. Even if I get a frustrated or annoyed look on my face, or I am short with her (I have never yelled at her nor have I ever disciplined), the kid goes off and pouts, SO tells me things are very delicate with BM right now and if I get frustrated I need to just let him know and he will take care of it. SD10 even went home and told her mom one weekend how mean I had been to her, no I had been frustrated and short with her. Needless to say, I plan on spending a lot more time running errands, reading a book in my room
My SS is a kind, well
My SS is a kind, well mannered young man (approaching 30).
But his addiction issues leave him in a horrid life style that just repulses me. Never in my life have I associated with the bottom feeders of society. I have two cousins much like him. I am always kind to them but never will include them in my life.