I would be extrememly embarrassed if I was your DH right now. Did he say anything about it?

its a reflection on dh as well.

Oh wow - just wow!! so rude of her, but like they said, it is just a reflection on her own self!

I would so regift it to her... simple and to the point!

You are right stepaside. Her DH will be afraid to rock the boat, because as you said, he will be afraid his daughter won't speak to him anymore.

But you and I both know that will NEVER change. That is who he is, and there is never going to come a day when he is going to be so tired of it so embarrassed by his daughters behavior, that he will stand up and pull her into line.

I'd be willing to bet if op complained to him about being given such obvious rubbish in a trash bag, he'd find some way of defending his daughter and accuse op of being ungrateful for his daughters efforts.

We've all been there done that, and op
Has made a big mistake here. One most of us have made. Her DH said nothing, and to keep the peace, to not upset her husband, and in the hope of creating and keeping the peace. she ignored it, worse than that, said thanks for insulting and making a fool of me, thanks for humiliating me, and she tried to be "the adult" the bigger person, to make this blended family work because she loves her husband and wants to see him happy.

We all know she has just set the stage for a lifetime of abuse and humiliation from this young woman. A lifetime during which dad will sit quietly by and by his silence support his daughter humiliating his wife.

Op has one of those husbands who is going to blame her for everything his daughter does , so he never has to tell his daughter to knock it off.

Op unless you do something about this, you are going to become one very stressed, anxious physically ill woman over the years. You will lose respect for your husband. This will, if not break your marriage, put some very deep scratches in it. And, the longer you put off dealing with it, the harder it is to stop. YOU are the one who needs to stop it. Your husband is one of the ones who cannot.

You think you did the right thing here you thought if you were polite and didn't take the bait she would feel embarrassed by what she did to you and wouldn't do it again. She thinks she got away with it. Dad said nothing you said nothing, worse still you thanked her for making a fool of you. So now she thinks you're an idiot on top of everything else. With her, it's let the games begin now. She is already laughing at you behind your back and telling people what she did to you. And they are all shocked that you not only took it, but you said thanks. They are all laughing at you. You just showed them you are a fool. You are not dealing with normal people. You have to see that. They will not respond to decency. You have to put them in their place. Modeling good behavior will not teach them anything.

Probably the best thing to do now would wait till after Christmas. Then when she is least expecting it. In front if DH, tell her that what she did was extremely rude, childish and unacceptable. That you let it go because you didn't want to ruin
Her Christmas, but she is far too old to be behaving like this and you will not tolerate her insulting you ever again. Give her back the book and tell her to give it to get father, her mother a friend or put it in the trash where it belongs but you are not her personal garbage disposal unit

You by thanking her, have just like your husband by his silence,
Encouraged her. Please listen read this site. Those of us who took your approach suffered for years and it never worked. We finished up disengaging after years of abuse, after years of trying. And still our husbands didn't get it. If they had've the disengagements would not have happened. The people who faired the best fall into two groups. The ones who's husbands saw what was going on and pulled their daughters into line. Not many of them though, and the ones who stood up for themselves and nipped this crap in the bud. For the sake of your marriage and your sanity. Do not let her and your husband away with this. You need to let your husband know you will not tolerate being made a fool of by his daughter. You will not accept him sitting idly by and ignoring it. They both just gave you a huge bunch of disrespect for Christmas. You just gave them the gift that keeps on giving. You said you were ok being treated like this by the pair of them. You just taught them how to treat you and they will not only keep it up, but the will step it up too.

Stop this now.

Catmom, I think this questions was asked before, but can't remember the original poster answering it. However, they have been married for 15 years, two steps and two bios. After 15 years SD 20 is pulling this crap, it's a safe bet daddy has done nothing about it before and never will.

My mother raised me right, but she taught me that I never had to accept abuse.

I would not have gotten mad when I opened it but I would have laughed and ridiculed it. The only way I would have graciously accepted that would be if it came from a 5 year old.

Honestly I'd wrap up some of my dog's shit and hand it to her. And make the comment that how nice it was that we gave each other equivalent presents.