Ok. Popcorn is on me. Already in the microwave.

Who is bringing drinks?

I agree with most of what you say. I think many times, on this site especially, women can be insecure in their relationship and feel the need to compete for attention with 5 year olds. I think that people tend to give ex's and stepkids way too much power over their mental well being. I also don't understand why people stay in relationships where they feel miserable or feel like prisoners in their own home. Life is waaayyy too short for that.

If I were to divorce, for whatever reason, I would not remarry or cohabitate with anyone until my son was grown. It just makes life easier for everyone.

"If I were to divorce, for whatever reason, I would not remarry or cohabitate with anyone until my son was grown. It just makes life easier for everyone."

Perfectly said. unfortunatly learned far to late

It's not all black and white honey. It's not all rainbows and unicorns. I came into my relationship with a huge, open heart, open mind, and open wallet. I gave love, attention, gifts and entertainment to my skids.... only to be knocked over the head at every turn by their scum of the earth mothers and then eventually the skids themselves.

Now I choose to give my love, attention, gifts and entertainment to our BS3 who truly appreciates it and deserves it. Skids can get what they will from their loser mothers which will never be much, but that is the road that THEY chose. And sure as shit, they will complain and bitch for the rest of their lives (just as you are) that I was the bad person, that I was a bitch, that I didn't do this or didn't do that. But everyone who is even remotely familiar with the situation KNOWS better and I honestly don't give a flying frack.

Somebody has already had a cocktail or two when he wrote this....No clue what a malicious teenage stepchild can do to someone.

I could write exactly what daisyduke wrote except dh and i didn't have a child together. I came in with everything wide open, arms, mind, heart and wallet. ha

Excellent. Vodka gummy bears for everyone!

I think as a parent, you need to take a step back and realize that not every child is accepting or willing to accept that their father or mother has moved on, especially if one parent poisons the children against the other. The worst part is, the women you see here are mostly the ones who tried and tried and tried and just gave up after a while. You can only kick a dog so many times before it's permanently shy of humans.

Would you, as a parent, allow your child to dictate you and your wife's schedule?
Allow them to dictate what you eat, or when you eat?
Dictate the rules of the house?
Would you allow them to disrespect you or your wife, physically assault you or her, manipulate you or her?
Take her things?
Not discipline them when they do something wrong?
Would you take resources that your family needs to blow on something that is only a want for your kids?
Would you ignore your wife or girlfriend when your kids are around because your kids might get jealous?
Would you allow them to dictate what you can or cannot do (kiss, hold hands, etc) with your wife while they are with you?
Would you pity, and subsequently excuse your children from things they should be learning--like honesty, integrity, and compassion, all because you believe they should get some slack because they are children of a broken home?
Allow your ex to tell you what to do, when to pay, how to run your household that you now share with your wife?
Allow your ex to disrespect, hurt, or otherwise terrorize your current family?
Do everything the ex or children say because you are afraid that if you don't, your kids won't come over or your ex will withhold them?
Not consult your wife on any decisions that involve her schedule simply because your kids come first?
Would you yell/defend/argue/put your wife down if she bris up an issue regarding your children's behavior she'd like to see improved upon?

If, as a sane and respectable parent, you find the actions above to be ridiculous and wrong, then welcome to the world of the stepparents here, where their spouses, which are the source of the problem, are unwilling to set boundaries for their children and exes and subsequently, the casualties include the new wife/partner and their children together.

See, the thing is, at a certain point, children make their own decisions for who they allow in their life and who they don't, who they respect and who they don't. You can blame the ex, but when it comes down to it, every human being has the ability to make their own choices--as you are expecting stepparents to overcome their resentment regardless of what they went through, children of broken families, at a certain point in their life (I'm talking close to teenage years) will be responsible for their own actions towards others.

There are many men (and women) who have set boundaries with their children only to be disowned by them because they do not get what they want, they can't control their father (or mother) through blackmail, so they use the lowest form of emotional blackmail and fail at it.

I'd rather never see these kind of children, be they mine or anyone else's, again, because they are people who have no empathy, compassion, and are more selfish than the stepparents themselves. They made their parent choose, not the parents spouses, and they lost that bet.

The ones you see succeed, the blended families that do get by, have bioparents who are not willing to put up with that nonsense. Unfortunately, that's not what happens here. That is what makes this situation so different than e one you are proposing.

I have an incredibly shitty SF too, DFof3. He told me at age 15 or 16 (mostlyA very few B job holding devout Catholic virgin girl) that I was a loser and would never amount to anything. Thing is, I think you misread the banner on this website. "WHERE STEPPARENTS COME TO VENT".Not step kids.

:sick:

Pass too.

>>>>>>>>>>You are in a priviledged position, one that can potentialy be of great help to a child in ways sometimes just as profound as BP's. You can make a difference in someone's life that might be more satisfying than anything else you could do without having to feel the guilt of bringing that life into the world in the first place should you fail....<<<<<<<<<<<

Firstly, please define how "Priviledged" I am because there are days I sure don't feel it.

Secondly, how in the world can I be of great help to a couple of kids who decided from day one to try to make this household the most miserable place on earth? If I could make a difference in their lives, it would have been to raise them over the last 6+ years as I have raised my own children.... to be kind, considerate, empathetic, think of others once in a while, speak when spoken to, use "please" and "thank you", the list goes on.

So if I can go WITHOUT feeling the "guilt of bringing that life into the world in the first place should you fail", who takes the responsibility for them? I have yet to see THEIR OWN PARENTS take responsibility, because they're too busy trying to out-do the other parent for BFF status.

Okay, I engaged here and I probably shouldn't have...

If only things were that simple in stepfamilies. The idea that everyone gets on, the step parent loves the kids like they were their own and the bio parents work together to raise healthy, happy, well adjusted kids is a wonderful thought but in reality it doesn't always happen. People on here are dealing with all kinds of difficult situations - interfering, demanding bm's who are incapable of moving on and accepting their ex has a new life, dh's who pander to their kids and allow them to walk all over the sm and kids who are more than old enough to know right from wrong but are incapable of behaving like civilised human beings.

I tried to embrace my 3 skids when I first met dh. They were all traumatised in different ways by bm's emotional abuse of them. My oldest ss was 9 then and had never had a mother figure as his bm either ignored him or shouted at him/hit him all the time. I tried particularly hard with him to be a stable female influence in his life, show him I cared for him, that what bm had done was not his fault and tried hard to reinforce that he was safe from being treated like that ever again. He repaid me by stealing from me, constant lying and destroying his and other peoples property, bullying his brothers and being very disruptive at school. He's had so much extra support at school to try and help him overcome his behaviour and has also had professional help from child mental health services, which has helped a bit but he has just grown up from a disrespectful child into a disrespectful teenager.

As a step parent there's only so much you can do before you reach your limit. Oldest ss is 16 now, still stealing, still lying, still destroying/losing things and has become a terrible bully to his younger brothers. He is more than old enough to know how to behave, so as far as I'm concerned it's his choice to conduct his life this way, and I don't have the same unconditional love for him that I have for my own daughter (who has never stolen, lied, bullied or anything like that despite a shitty upbringing with an abusive father). Dh and I have tried everything - being supportive, doing more grown-up things just with him without the younger two kids, being strict, being extremely hard on him but still he carries on choosing to behave like an idiot. I feel I am just tolerating him now until he turns 18 and then as far as I'm concerned he can leave. Dh agrees and totally understands why I feel this way. I would never ignore him and still try to include him in family activities/discussions etc, but it's a real effort knowing that he rarely appreciates anything anyone does for him and that he's likely to ruin any kind of family activities he's involved in.

I'm taking a pass on this one too.

Anybody got a flashlight? I need to explore underneath a bridge for a while......

OP, people here aren't really interested in seeing things from the skid's POV.

When I think "vent," I think about grumbling about something that's happened that's annoying or irritating me. I vent about it, and move on. It seems there are many posters who define "vent" differently than I do, though. They absolutely despise their skids, and possibly their DHs, too, and complain with regularity about the situation they have chosen for themselves.

In my case, my SD19 has been the most destructive force of my 3 skids. She has been malicious and vile and even accused me of abuse (!!) to the GAL and any family who would listen. I don't hate her. I almost feel sorry for her.

I have to ask, though, if you are not a stepparent, what brought you here?

Ok, you had me at >>>>>>>>>>>>>>Of course, not being a step-parent muself, I am unable to fully understand your plight.

Walk a mile sweety... then judge.

I have only one thing to say to the OP, (as I'm not even going to begin to talk about the 'priviledged position' he thinks we have or about children having a choice in choosing a step parent, get grip dude): on the topic of 'One overheard phone conversation: "I even got them to clean the whole kitchen!"' ever heard of a little thing called context? Were you lazy? Did your Step mother have to clean up after you constantly? That is something I would say because my skids don't pick up or clean anything without being hounded. Ok, they are only 7 & 9 so they aren't cooking yet, but they are old enough to clear their own dishes from the table and throw out their own napkins, but they don't. Maybe she astonished that you had actually done something for once.

I think it's really sad that op is on here still complaining about his various stepparents and bio parents. Seriously. My ss14 will be you someday.

Sadly, this kid has had everything handed to him on a platter. He lived in a great home, had all sorts of material things, was involved in extracurriculars with both parents and stepparents there cheering him on, had a hot meal on the table every night, always ahd someone to help with his homework. His dad loved him, his bm loved him, I loved him, his stepfather that he had for many eyars loved him-but for whatever reason this was not good enough for him. He lived with us in a stable home for many years-had regular consistent visitation with bm. Has a huge extended family network. Where things perfect? Of course not, but they are not for children in intact families either. The kid was never abused, in any sort of way, never neglected, had tons of attention-it just never was enough.

Instead the kid has immersed himself into a fantasy world, in which everyone around him has abused him in some sort of way or another. He's had a "rough life" in his opinion. Everyone else in the entire world has it better than him in someway. No one else has problems like him. He is a victim, an object of sympathy in his opinion.

So did he ask for his parents to divorce when he was 1? Did he ask to have stepparents? No, he did not. But he did choose how he sees things. He did choose his behaviors. He was the one that was "privileged" to have sooo many people love and care for him and try so hard to give him a good life-however, he chose to let his parents divorce at age 1 be the defining moment of his life.

OP I agree with your statements. A SO can be a dynamic force into a step kids life.

For the good and bad.

My mother was a fantastic SM- per my step brother- she is the reason he is who he is today. She was loving, caring and a real parent.

My stepdad made a difference in my life after I became an adult. I love him dearly and miss him horribly.

My SM was like many posters on this board, she did not want us around, we were a reminder of a past. Her parenting style did scar me, it did alter how I cope in a relationship.

Back in my day as a step kid there was no interference from house to house. My parents coexisted in my life. I had two seperate families. I did not want them to be one happy family.

I respected both my step parents because they were elders. I did not think I was a slave because I was made to clean the house, do the laundry for my brothers and me, or that we mower grass. That was part of family life.

A) we come here to.vent-
we come for ideas of how to survive

Some step parents are strong in their vents, and opinions. I have not walked a mile in their shoes so their opinions may be justified.

I feel sad for 99% of the skids in this world. They did not ask to be born, and they are usually not given the right tools to.cope with their situations.

Okay I'll be the first to admit that I don't give a shit about my SS. I am way more important than he is. He is nothing to me.

I don't care what he does, how he feels, etc. etc. I do not wish him ill - just wish to have minimal contact with him. I don't hate him at all. It's just that there are literally 100s of people more worthy of my time.

So what. He's an adult.

Why should I care about some random crotch dropping?

Go dtzy! How & why did OP come to this site? Although necessary for SPs, it's not a pleasant site for stepchildren to read!