Nopesgiving
A few weeks ago my SO told me his family was having Thanksgiving on Saturday the 23rd. He said he didn't want to go, though, because his mother would still be visiting family out of the country. His brother and his wife are best friends with his BM2 and really screwed him over by feeding her information on her last ex-parte attempt. So he said he wasn't going.
I told him if he changed his mind, i would go with him, though i was pretty happy not to have to. I made plans to go to my dad's tomorrow night (Sunday) but left tonight open just in case. So just now he tells me he changed his mind, he wants to go. His mother came back early and he always does what she says. Except they moved Thanksgiving to tomorrow night. Apparently they sent the info out on the family group chat last week but SO didn't read it. He has tried many times to add me to the chat but various family members just keep remaking it without me. Friends with BM2 and all. I told him i already made plans with my dad and to go without me.
I mean, there's no way i'm going. I'm happy not to go. Hardly anyone at his family gatherings even acknowledge my presence and i did try hard for several years, cooking and cleaning for these things. I'm still pissed, though. It hurts to be rejected, even by people you don't want to hang out with anyway.
- Rumplestiltskin's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Bye bye, so sad
How sad you can't go to the in-law fest. Cough cough. I hope DH has a good time (fat chance,).
I know. It's better for me to
I know. It's better for me to not have to go. I need to celebrate the situation for the blessing it is. Something to be thankful for!
Yes.
Rejection hurts, regardless of who it is. It makes one question why? Often times it has nothing to do with us, but is a reflection of the person doing the rejecting; that said and acknowledged...it still hurts.
I hope you have a lovely time with your father. Blessings to you.
Blessings to you, too. I'm
Blessings to you, too. I'm going to focus on the positive rather than the rejection part. It really is a gift in some situations.
Hey Rumple,
Hey Rumple,
I only wish that I still had a dad to visit! I lost my own wonderful dad in August and I miss him terribly. Give your father extra hugs tomorrow night and enjoy his company; far better being happy with a fella' who loves you than miserable with folks who who are rude and rejecting. Phooey on them!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom a few years ago and it was sudden. I'd been staying away due to COVID, looking forward to the days of family dinners with her again, but those days never came. You are so right about spending time with people you love while you still can. I won't make the same mistake with my dad. Cancelling on him wasn't even a fleeting thought.
♥️
♥️
Is extended family holiday
Is extended family holiday drama the norm or the exception?
Interstingly for us , it is not between my family and DW's at the holidays.
Any drama tends to inter family strife in my IL clan. For some reason my BILs and SIL all spend every holiday with their ILs. To minimize drama my FIL & MIL decided their family would celebrate the holiday on a different day so once DW's younger sibs started coupling my ILs never actually had the actual holiday with their kids, GKs, etc. unless we visited for the holiday. We don't play the not on the holiday, holiday game.
Last year we drove to SpermLand for TG with DW's family. We had TG on TG at MIL's house. You would have thought we Nuked the turkey. BIL1's MIL would not stop calling to rage and bitch that BIL1's wife did not cook for her parents, so the Bovine Bride is the guilt cook fest and delivered it to her parents then spent DW's family Grigio g my DW the pouty stink eye. SIL's MIL pretty much did the sand thing though SIL's DH is not one to take that crap even from his own mother.
The Bovine Bride did some snarky backstabbing manipulation that backfired. She did her go to family favorites sides. DW and I did ours. I am dietary limited in what I can eat. DW does it with me and we are both far healthier for it. Our stuff everyone ate every bite of it down to licking the serving dishes and asked for more. BIL1 and his BB, left with a ton of her dishes.
In a regular though not frequent event, DW called out the BovineBride for her pouty stink eye crap in front of everyone.
They always call to check if we are coming though this year it was pretty clear that the question was a bit loaded.
We are with my parents for 9days this TG. So, calm, peaceful..... home. Even more so for my bride than for me. They love her. I.... am tolerated.
My dad is always the one
My dad is always the one moving holidays to make everyone else happy. Tomorrow isn't even our Thanksgiving, just a dinner, but we are having it on a different day because my sister is going to her in-laws. TBH, i might be home alone on the day of Thanksgiving. I'm thinking i'll just cook a meal of "Thanksgiving" foods that i like and anyone who wants to come eat is welcome, then make my assigned dishes for the family meal a few days later.
As for drama being the norm, probably half and half. My side doesn't really have any. My SO's side usually does. Last Christmas, his SIL left the family Christmas in anger due to seeing her husband (SO's brother) texting in a group chat with his kids and his BM2. She left without her parents, newly arrived from the Old Country. Supposedly tomorrow his BM1 may come eat with the family. I'm mildly interested to see how that goes but not enough to actually, well, go. Also, nobody in the family knows about SD25's pregnancy (6-ish months along) by a guy who is undesirable (she has accused him of abuse in the past.) Doubt she shows but she's living about an hour away so who knows. There have been fist fights between men in their 50s at these things. No thanks!
I understand the rejection
I understand the rejection hurt. DH and I have kept our distance from most of his side recently. I used to be fine with his family (and they are still relatively polite to u) but over the years I've discovered that they are all just really fake people. Fake nice to your face then talk about you behind your back and it's not just us, it's with everyone they are like this. Idk. I'm tired. I'm tired of people in general and I just want to be left alone. Because his family all swings one way politically and DH is the opposite (and they love to needle him over it every chance they get - while he never brings up politics) he's been taking a break from them. We only see them once a year. Plus they kiss up to LI, the princess of debt, on social media ("we miss you! You look soooo beautiful!" Barf) and all I can think is you don't have to deal with the fallout from her decisions. You don't have to pay for her Christmas extravaganza. But oh we are certainly invited when there are gifts expected!
Ugh. Good for you to prioritize your dad. Let DH go deal l with his toxic relatives. Life is too short.
Ugh, politics. I imagine this
Ugh, politics. I imagine this year will be worse than most, with the election and all. We have both sides in my family so we just talk about everything else besides politics and it's fine. On my SO's side, the older gen is conservative and the younger is liberal but they don't have any issues with that (they are so busy with "local" problems that they don't have time to!)