BM pushes buttons
Things have been going really good. SD showed her true colors and SO finally decided to leave me alone about not wanting to do anything with or for his kids. I have let him go thru football season going to partial football games on Friday nights (because SS is JV and doesn't really play) and going to all Saturday morning games without causing a fuss because I wasn't even asked to go.
This has meant I have taken on more of a load at the house. At the end of travel baseball and beginning of football BM and SO agreed that there would be no basketball. SS would concentrate on starting baseball again. I figured fine there would be somewhat of a break.
Well BM went behind SO back and signed SS for some Rec basketball team. It is three months of one practice a week at night and then Saturday games. I guess SS was upset because he isn't going to be on the varsity baseball team and only on the JV team so BM is trying to make him happy. Maybe you didn't make varsity because you don't concentrate enough on the sport.
SO isn't happy about it and of course I am not either. It is going to overlap with baseball practices. SO will feel obligated to attend the basketball games and I already know how obligated he feels to run him to the baseball stuff. SO did tell BM he wasn't happy with it but what can he do. Not go to the games? His kids are already pretty much non existent in all other aspects. This is all he has left. If he doesn't go SS will like him even less because BM will tell him your dad isn't there for you. But now I am left for three more months of Saturdays that I should have had. I wouldn't be so upset except that it is overlapping with all of the running SO will do for baseball. I don't know what i am looking for I am just venting.
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His response to the scent
His response to the scent marking by his XW and their spawn does not reduce his duties in your home, life, and marriage. Stop taking on more in the home. In fact, put more on him. Work time is from the time the first of you leaves for work until the last of you gets off of work. Being a blood hound following the scent marks of his X and their spawn is not work. So, when he gets home, hand him the recipes for cooking dinner, broom, mop, sponges, cleaners, and the chore list that he has to have done before he gets to shower and come to bed. When he comes to bed, he services your emotional and physical needs. Then, he can sleep. Of course you have your half of the chore list done so you can diligently supervise him in getting his done.
I stole the emotional and physical needs thing from another STalker. It applies here I think.
He needs to clearly see what he owes you, the marriage, and your marital home and HE needs to figure out how to deliver on all of that in addition to working and earning a full time income. Servicing his XW and their spawn he has to do after or in between when he mans up on everything else.
IMHO.
I am furious for you. I hope you realize that his never ends. His XW and their spawn are a lifetime drama burden that the odds of them ever ending is slim and none at best. These shit shows tend to only get worse once the SKids reach Skidult status.
I guess what I have found a
I guess what I have found a relief from is that he hasn't asked me to do one thing with or for the kids since senior night with the SD and how he was treated.He is actually seeing the kids for what they are. My SO even said he has a feeling that the relationship with SS will end the same way it is with SD he still wants to hang on as long as he can. I knew that with baseball my SO would be doing most of the leg work and was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for is 3 months of Saturday games. I mean SO can just not go but then he would feel bad. But I am going to take your advise and not do all the work. While he is at the games for those two plus hours I am going to either sit on my butt or do something for myself. If he is letting those jerks take away from his duties with me and our home then you are right he can do his share of them when he is done. I just don't know how much hurt one man can take from his kids before he stops. At least he has let me stop. I am hoping BM figures out how to manage to let SS drive himself to all of these practices.He will be able to in January . SO will really see he was just a ride. BM figured out how to let SD drive , I call it gasoline ass, so SS will want the same and those kids get everything they want.
Something that
has frequently occurred to me is that your SO also expects to get everything he wants, the fact that he isn't demanding that you attend Saturday morning rec sport basketball games notwithstanding.
Think about it. He has expected you to not just accept his infatuation with his kids but also has demanded that you do likewise - and he has thrown temper tantrums when you refuse.
I'm thinking the apple doesn't far from the tree.
That's a great observation.
That's a great observation. Everyone gets what they want by demanding it.. Except RR
But also that the son is learning it from him or acting the same way at least, and its not shut down by his parents
Overall... Boundaries and
Overall... Boundaries and reasonable expectations are important. When Rocky Roads tried to communicate some reasonable requests she was usually shut down and furthermore he tried to demand more things like making her go to all their games etc
And then the kid... Due to all of the circumstances it would have been reasonable to say to the kid that it was too much... He's taking on too much, it isn't feasable, for example choose one sport etc. But instead the kid just got what he wanted and it was all just over the top. And the kid demanded all these things and the dad and mom allowed it.
The kid will grow up just wanting it all his way or the highway too... Because he was never told no. He was always catered to.
SO did not want him to play
SO did not want him to play basketball and BM and him agreed on it and SS was told he wasn't going to do it. BM went behind my SO back because SS was pouting about not getting on the varsity baseball team. He is not good enough and is playing on JV. That is where his grade plays unless they are better players. And you guys are right SS acts the same way SO does by throwing tantrums and demanding that he gets what he wants .And then he always does get what he wants. I had to use SO phone (he knew I was using it)this morning and I decided to look at the texts between him and BM about this basketball crap. They rarely communicate anymore . SO did tell her that SS was not supposed to be playing a third sport, he said he was not contributing any money to it, and he will be at the games he can be at and before he knew that they were just all local at one place he said he would not be driving him to any tournaments or out of area games. I am not sure why he didn't communicate this with me. I am guessing because I know that he will end up at all the games because they are all at the local rec center. I do know that if I make plans for something on one of those days for us he will not be going to a game. Especially since I now know he had the guts to say something to BM.
Time for your plans to
Time for your plans to consume the calendar. Every spare minute. Time for mommy to be the Uber service that schleps the SKid to every event. This kind of crap cannot be tolerated to interfere in one more second of Dad's COd time with his kid. If mommy wants her time to be a solid wall of over-scheduled kid coddling, that is on mommy.
I would not tolerate a relationship where my mate put me and our relationship on the back burner and played the role of dung beetle chasing the scent trail of his shit ball X and their shit ball spawn all of the time. Visitation is for the Skid to integrate into the NCPs life, not for the NCP to coddle the Skid and cater to an idiot X's manipulations.
If I were an NCP, I would move way beyond the radius for local or 50:50 visitation. I would push to get the holidays and most of the summer so I could structure my time with my kid(s) as I saw fit and to minimize the interruption of my time by my X. If that meant summer day camp, vacations, etc... then great. Getting far enough away from the presiding court and the X to not have to deal with the crap would be my goal. I would also make damned sure I had the kid's passports so if I wanted to do a cruise or international vacation I could without interference and manipulative bullshit.
What the SpermClan did on their time with my SS was their call. They did Disneyland (once), they did vacations at time shares and vacation homes owned by SpermGrandHag's housekeeping clients. Mostly they just planted SS and his three younger half sibs by two other baby mamas in front of a wall of screens to watch the Spermidiot play video games. We did countless things during our Skid time. Fortunately for him, we were his real life and his normal.
But remember the problem here
But remember the problem here is that there was never a custody order for a schedule and the kids don't even stay with us anymore. There is zero set time for when my SO is supposed to have him. All I can hope is that SS starts driving himself to practices (even though SO was against him driving and also lost that battle) as soon as he is able which is in January.
Nothing a call to a pit bull
Nothing a call to a pit bull lawyer and a Court hearing to set a CO and visitation schedule will not fix.
And remember it’s only a few years more
Of High School sports. DH can't take every Saturday to go to his kids sporting events. He has other duty's at home
"This is all he has left."
"This is all he has left."
I disagree. He still has you ... but for how long?
I agree with doing nothing
I agree with doing nothing while he's at the Saturday events or do something nice for yourself... Treat yourself. I don't feel he should go to ALL of the games.. He should take some to spend with you too. He can miss the odd game (imo) because he shouldn't shirk his other household duties and being able to spend quality time with you on weekends too. It is a win for you at least that he doesn't try to guilt you to attend this stuff any longer. Maybe he's starting to get it.
Yes I am not guilted into
Yes I am not guilted into anything anymore. It is such a relief.
I personally think your DH
I personally think your DH should decline all unilateral decisions BM makes that impact resources in your household
some of these BMs are using their kids to have their ex (your DH) resources of time and money tied up as a way to turn it into a kid centric operation
However if he agrees then like others mentioned .... do what YOU want to do those days
He didn't agree to it but it
He didn't agree to it but it is done. How would I go about telling him that he can't go see his kid play. I am thinking soon the kids will be no contact .
Don't tell him he cannot see his kids.
Tell him he is about to not see his wife. Then schedule your life with the things that you want to do. Every single day of every single week. Give him the schedule two weeks in advance and tell him if he wants to participate to let you know now or he will not have tickets to concerts, shows, museums, events with you and you will be enjoying them alone. Then, do what you tell him you will do. Go without him. When he starts harping on his kid event, or whining about you not participating immediately interrupt him with a smiling description of how much fun you at at whatever event you were in most recently. Tolerte no interference in your life. He has already chosen the shit puddle of a genetic cesspool of a failed family, an X, and their spawn over you and your marriage. So, prioritize yourself and live your best life.
Same message, very different words.
This reeks of massive BM game
This reeks of massive BM game playing and ridiculousness. It's a power play. SO should find a happy medium. BM is going to badmouth him (and skid will go no contact, you believe), anyway. But if you're going to ride it out, I agree with the idea of you doing something good/fun for yourself vs taking on more housework.
Eye roll to these sports
When did it become normal for these kids to play any and all damn sports?! What happened to doing maybe 2 sports and becoming really good at those 2 sports.... When did it become normal for kids to be doing cross country, soccer, football, basketball, baseball and track and field. Like wtf. How do these kids think they are going to be good at all these sports when they don't practice an individual sports long enough to become good at them?
I'm glad you've gotten out of the participating in taking to all practices and games and such. I wish I was able to bail on that more without the guilt trip. On one hand having some Saturdays all to yourself will be beneficial but can make you feel that your life with your SO isn't free for you and him to make plans.
It has taken a lot for me to
It has taken a lot for me to get the to point where he has stopped pretty much forcing me to go. I am just disappointed that I had to do Saturday mornings alone all through football season. There was supposed to be a break and now there won't be. It will also be overlapping with tons of baseball practices and it will keep my SO away more then I want. Yes I am selfish but I know life is too short to be wasted on things that are not important. I am not saying kids are not important but his kids don't even like him. I hate how SS plays so many sports it is unbelievable to me. I can't believe that this seems normal to so many people. Kids should not rule lives.
In my simple world, never
In my simple world, never forget that guilt is a choice. So stop that.
Make a better and different choice for you.
Yes I do know. But things
Yes I do know. But things have been a lot better. I do zero for the kids and I am not asked or expected too anymore. I do always appreciate your opinions.
It warms my soul that you are
It warms my soul that you are getting some improvements. Stay the course of driving your demands and boundaries iwth your SO.
Take care of you.