I thought I would share this blog to hopefully help someone else and also for myself to reflect back on if I ever need.

Nearly 4 years ago I started dating my full time partner with 2 sons (aged 3 and 5). We were distant friends for many many years before then but it never went over platonic until we started meeting up properly as friends. Well, never wanting kids or a partner blew up in my face and we ended up dating.

When we first got together the other Bio parent was sporadically seeing the children but more often than not was absent. This was after social services intervention, etc. I wont go into too much detail as thats unfair on the parties involved. But, it unfortunately got to a point within the first 2-3 months of us dating, contact was cut completely for the sake of kids and contact centres or a new child arrangement order was requested. My partner left their job to full time care for the kids and I listened to my heart and we lived together. I lost my s**t several times, rebuilt my s**t several times and now fast forward to where we are.

We have lived together for 3 years, now married and have a stable home life. Unfortunately other bio parent hasnt gone down either contact centre or child arrangements routes. That being said, I do really hope that a positive relationship can be built here for the kids and them in the future.

Both kids have been diagnosed with SEN (i wont divulge specifics for safeguarding) but they are both physically healthy 7 and 9 year olds. 

Over the years, we have had battles with parenting styles, getting the right care in place for kids, battles getting diagnoses, SEN placements, employment for my partner, financial strains and you can only name what else.

We are now in a good place, weve done it backwards but 3 years of pain has turned into this. We are finally seeing the light.

7y.o is still struggling with defiance (his struggling to understand why he cant see other bio parent) but aside from that he is no longer on reduced hours or expelled from school, he is in full time with correct SEN provisions, he has the right medication now and has a good support system in place.

9y.o is doing well in school, but we are awaiting a placement change to meet his needs. He is now on right medication and has a good support system in place.

My partner is now working, seems happier to have their own provisions and contribute to the household and Im proud of where they have got to considering all the battles along the way.

Im no longer a burnt out, stressed out stepparent. Have good relationships all round including with the kids, and no longer have to fill out reams of paperwork or worry about anyone more than I should naturally as a parent.

We got there! 

So why Im writing this blog...

Sometimes you need to ignore what others tell you...trust me...I got told to leave millions of times. But trust what you both want as a couple. If you truly want something it will happen, it will get better and everyone adjusts. We argued alot....alot! But this was because we both cared considerably for those kids and each other. Now its over silly things like its your turn to wash up! Persistence is also key, being persistent and in a good routine helps, but also opening up to each other and dropping walls between you as a couple too. If you can get through hard times together, you will get through anything.

So, if anyone needs some reassurance, connect or comment below. It was something I didnt really have going through this as I was in an odd place and none of my family/friends could relate.

You got this parents and stepparents!