How do you get your adult SD to stop coming over every other weekend and spending the night?? It's causing too much stress and I'm so over the laziness!!
Get rid of the bed and redo the room into some other purpose. Point out them that they are aged out of the CO and have no legal reason to follow it. Put them to work with nasty chores. Cut their bio parent off from all fun adult activities until they explain it to said skid.
I would love to turn her room into a multi purpose room/ guest room. Our house was brand new when we bought it 5 years ago and she's only cleaned it once. My husband had cleaned it before family get together and I know she had a huge stain on the carpet. Who knows what else we'll find when we finally get rid of her furniture.
Are you helping at all when they come over? If so, stop doing anything to help immediately unless it's a 100% agreed on, between you and your DH, visit.
She's 19 and sleeps all day lays in her bed and plays video games or watches tik tok on her phone. I feel like I'm trapped and uncomfortable in my own house every other weekend when she's here. Her mom lives a few miles away and I don't understand why she still comes over. And no, I've never cleaned up after her. I raised my children, who are all grown and live on their own, to be able to clean, cook, and take care of themselves when they were ready to be on their own. I'm afraid my SD is going to be a spoiled, lazy, freeloader forever.
I have talked to him. He doesn't want to upset her, ever. She's wrecked her car a few times and he's fixed it. She's rear-ended 2 people and wrecked his car once! Neither parent disciplined her for any of it. Anyway, SD and husband don't really have a relationship since he and her mom divorced 10 1/2 years ago. He really doesn't care if she comes over or not and I feel he rather she didn't. He gave her the option when he was done with child support but yet she still comes over to spend the weekend in bed. We just need advice on how to tell her it's time to stop without "hurting her feelings" and getting his ex wife all pissy. I don't want to sound selfish but I'm so ready for an empty nest and to enjoy just the 2 of us without the looming darkness of feeling like I'm the one intruding in my own house.
She is on the waiting list for the RN program at our local community College. She might have a boyfriend but they never do anything when she's at our house. She works PRN at a nursing home at nights so she doesn't have to "work as hard" and can "rest" at the desk and watch movies on her laptop when the residents are sleeping. She has one friend who is at a state university in the pre-med program. She really does nothing. She sleeps, watches tik tok, plays Sims, talks about the nursing home residents, and collects books and book covers.
Time for SKidult SD's EOWE visit schedule to be your and DH's social group schedule. Find a hiking club, biking club, foodie group, wine club, buy a Harley and go on WE motorcycle runs with a group, volunteer, find a concert series that falls on those weekends, etc, etc, etc... Make plans and do those activities.
And... re-key the locks and install a full remote monitored security system with cameras, etc, that you can monitor on your phone. Don't forget to turn her room into your art studio.
If you are engaging in your lives together, are not home, and she has no key, no one has to have the difficult conversation. Daddy just needs to polish up a one sentence message and lather, rinse, repeat. "Sorry kid-oh, we have plans."
Get rid of the bed and redo
Get rid of the bed and redo the room into some other purpose. Point out them that they are aged out of the CO and have no legal reason to follow it. Put them to work with nasty chores. Cut their bio parent off from all fun adult activities until they explain it to said skid.
I would love to turn her room
I would love to turn her room into a multi purpose room/ guest room. Our house was brand new when we bought it 5 years ago and she's only cleaned it once. My husband had cleaned it before family get together and I know she had a huge stain on the carpet. Who knows what else we'll find when we finally get rid of her furniture.
Are you helping at all when
Are you helping at all when they come over? If so, stop doing anything to help immediately unless it's a 100% agreed on, between you and your DH, visit.
She's 19 and sleeps all day
She's 19 and sleeps all day lays in her bed and plays video games or watches tik tok on her phone. I feel like I'm trapped and uncomfortable in my own house every other weekend when she's here. Her mom lives a few miles away and I don't understand why she still comes over. And no, I've never cleaned up after her. I raised my children, who are all grown and live on their own, to be able to clean, cook, and take care of themselves when they were ready to be on their own. I'm afraid my SD is going to be a spoiled, lazy, freeloader forever.
Have you spoken with your DH
Have you spoken with your DH about this? I'd suggest talking with him and setting some boundaries/limits, enforced primarily by him.
I have talked to him. He
I have talked to him. He doesn't want to upset her, ever. She's wrecked her car a few times and he's fixed it. She's rear-ended 2 people and wrecked his car once! Neither parent disciplined her for any of it. Anyway, SD and husband don't really have a relationship since he and her mom divorced 10 1/2 years ago. He really doesn't care if she comes over or not and I feel he rather she didn't. He gave her the option when he was done with child support but yet she still comes over to spend the weekend in bed. We just need advice on how to tell her it's time to stop without "hurting her feelings" and getting his ex wife all pissy. I don't want to sound selfish but I'm so ready for an empty nest and to enjoy just the 2 of us without the looming darkness of feeling like I'm the one intruding in my own house.
We just need advice on how to
I don't know if that's possible. Their reactions are controlling you all and, believe me, they know it. It works for them.
School? Job? Boyfriend?
She's 19, what's she got going?
She is on the waiting list
She is on the waiting list for the RN program at our local community College. She might have a boyfriend but they never do anything when she's at our house. She works PRN at a nursing home at nights so she doesn't have to "work as hard" and can "rest" at the desk and watch movies on her laptop when the residents are sleeping. She has one friend who is at a state university in the pre-med program. She really does nothing. She sleeps, watches tik tok, plays Sims, talks about the nursing home residents, and collects books and book covers.
Time for SKidult SD's EOWE
Time for SKidult SD's EOWE visit schedule to be your and DH's social group schedule. Find a hiking club, biking club, foodie group, wine club, buy a Harley and go on WE motorcycle runs with a group, volunteer, find a concert series that falls on those weekends, etc, etc, etc... Make plans and do those activities.
And... re-key the locks and install a full remote monitored security system with cameras, etc, that you can monitor on your phone. Don't forget to turn her room into your art studio.
If you are engaging in your lives together, are not home, and she has no key, no one has to have the difficult conversation. Daddy just needs to polish up a one sentence message and lather, rinse, repeat. "Sorry kid-oh, we have plans."