Telling SD off
So... after telling my Skids many many times to close the door as my reactive dog scaled already few times (more than 4 that I remember) today the oldest one left the door totally open and our dog ran away again. I ran after him and as I was seeing him in the street I was shouted few times "fucking hell" and I told off my SD12 saying that I told her many times to close the door!!!
My partner for the dog in the end but it had been very lucky for us that none of the times he escaped there were any dogs or cats in the street . He is a verh scared dog and gets very reactive at other animals to the point that we are spending lots of money in training him and I walk him with muzzle avoiding other dogs. We already had 2 incidents walking him and now we are extremely careful. I am really scared that one day if he is out and he sees another dog/cat he will attack. Imagine he consequences of attacking a neighbor's pet, he could hurt them or even kill them, my dog could get fucked too, they would call the police and who knows what else. I think he could even be put to sleep if something really bad happens.
So my partner got super angry at me and told me off in front of his daughter and said to not to say a thing until I say sorry to her. I said sorry for getting angry? I think this is a big reason to get angry, just this weekend he escaped twice and every time I feel like smth really bad is going to happen. He said something like : "I give you 3 secons to apologise to her". I felt very humiliated and treated like a kid so I didn't say anything. After I was alone with she and told her I am sorry if I offended you but the consequences of smth happening are really bad and this is very serious. She said: it is ok.
And now I am alone feeling like I am ducking evil for getting angry at my SD12 and saying "fucking hell". But at the same time I think someone need to get angry at this as this keeps happening and the consequences are way worse than offending someone.
What do you think? Thank you
Skid leaves the door open,
Skid leaves the door open, leading to danger for the dog and potentially others, you respond to get the dog and utter words of frustration. Then YOU have 3 seconds to apologize?
Oh hell no. Your DH is the bigger problem here.
As for keeping the dog safe (because reactive dogs are no joke), can you put an automatic door closing mechanism on the door?
You have a DH problem
He was completely out of line to speak to you that way, and in front of SD! You do not owe her an apology. She is old enough to understand the consequences of her forgetfulness. Agree with Merry's suggestion and would add perhaps a door alarm so you get an audible indicator it is not closed. Then work on rehoming your DH.
Dup
Dup
WTF is wrong with your SO?
WTF is wrong with your SO?
Thanks for the answers. We
Thanks for the answers. We spoke about it and I said sorry to my SD for swearing as I don't like doing that with the kids and because she paid my frustration I had with the other more than with her as it was always the sisters who left the door opened and the first time she did. I just wanted to make clear to her that if wasn't personal.
Said this, I made clear to my partner that I am an adult and he needs to let me do my thing with them. He admited that he was wrong treating me basicly like another child instead of giving me space to decide what I think is best. He also admited that I am right to panicked and spoke about what we should do to avoid this happening again. Something in the door to make it close automatically, dog on the leash when they are in and out...
But definitely telling me off in front of them is never the right answer. I am lucky she is very calm and don't take advantage of it tbh. I was doing pretty well at disengaging but when the consequences is smth can affect you what can you do?
SO Abusive Assh*le
Your SO needs to apologize to you IN FRONT of his kids, and apologize to them for treating you like a child instead of a legitimately frusterated adult who A.) had already cautioned his kids numerous times about the dog situ, and B.) is responsible for what the dog does to other animals and/or vet bills should the dog get injured after kids enable an escape.
Him admitting he was wrong later on in private is just a way to shut you up for now... until he pulls the same shit again on a different day. Also to triangulate: his kids as Victim, you as Persecutor/Agressor, and himself as Rescuer (of his kids by berating you in front of them when THEY were the assh*les in that situation).
As others have already noted above, you have a SO problem. I'd be PISSED - heck, I am angry for you.
/been there, done that, got the t-shirt
Edited to add: Did you end up getting a job so you can get out of this situation? My heart aches for you having to live like this, especially after re-reading your past blogs.
^^^^ This, 100% ^^^
^^^^ This, 100% ^^^
Regardless of what your SO thought,
he should not have humiliated you in front of a kid by "giving you 3 seconds to apologise". WTF. Who is he? Your father, an angry principal disciplining a child? That's some pretty messed up dynamics. He should be paying more attention to disciplining his kids, not another adult. It's in the moments like that - under duress, where someone's true attitudes come to light. He clearly sees you as someone inferior to him.
"She's a child. You're the
"She's a child. You're the adult here. How dare you say a curse word in front of a child?! It's not about you. Get over yourself, put your feelings aside, and be the grown-up here. It takes a lot of maturity to be a stepparent. Maybe you just aren't cut out for stepparenting."
Does that about sum up what your DH says to you?Does it sum up the kind of shit you read on Reddit if you were to post the same story? Yeah, fk all that, and you matter just as much as his spoiled brat who, at 12, can close a door unless she's mentally challenged. This is your life. This a-hole you are married to humiliates you in front of the Princess that he spoils and makes you grovel to her. That's abuse.
Oh, i just looked at the
Oh, i just looked at the history. This is the guy whose 7-year-old was still in diapers and neither he nor the BM seemed to think it was weird. This dude is bad news.
Think it’s time
For the old exit plan. When your SO talks to you like that it shows he putting his kids in front of you. That is no way to live. Time to exit
PLEASE get your exit plan in
PLEASE get your exit plan in place and RUN!!! This guy isn't worth fido fecal matter.
I've apologized to SS at dh's
I've apologized to SS at dh's bidding before. I was trying to tutor SS because he was struggling in school, but I couldn't get past the fact that SS did zero homework which meant that no matter what I said, it was not getting through. Me grilling SS about whether he did his homework made both of them mad, and dh asked me to apologize to SS. At the time, I bought into dh's sense of "hurting" his child.
On the other hand, I was just thinking about how SS used to be hostile, disrespectful, and showed me utter contempt. Not once did dh ask SS to apologize to me. I think there are a lot of reasons why the dynamics are completely skewed towards SS's favor, but the bottom line is that dh's perspective is distorted.
Recently, dh tried to make me apologize to SS again after SS tried to manipulate us and I refused to go along. It would have undermined my taking a stand. I didn't and I don't plan to cave into that again. It is so important that they both (and me too) understand that a teen expecting authority figures to cow tow to him will only inflame SS's psychopathic tendencies.
SS had a therapist in middle school who told his parents at every parent conference that SS needed more boundaries and consequences. But even after that, dh has been highly defensive of SS which in part is natural, but in part he's being driven by some psycho-dynamics that could only be addressed during therapy. Dh's knee-jerk, hyper sensitive reaction is not necessarily a good indicator of what my response should be.
I agree, this dynamic is
I agree, this dynamic is really bad. I made clear my point with me and now I am trying to get a job where I will be working every other weekend and we already arrange that will be the weekends he has the kids. That would be great seeing that I can't discipline I prefer to stay away.
In the mean time I am working in something temporary and doing he things I like in my free time and trying to become more and more independent and think about my future. Every time I try to get closer something like this happens and I become again the bas guy so I am done. No more trying, sorry. Hoping to get this job. which me luck!
Btw the diapers problem was solved. He basicly just needed to follow my advice few years ago, but nevermind. I am not suffering for them anymore. If I can't discipline I am nor getting involve with my time and energy. Now I just have to follow my own advice haha
I think your eldest skid is
I think your eldest skid is 12, right? I don't think younger kids or teens really understand what a "reactive dog" is. It's encumbent upon you and your husband to make sure that dog doesn't get out, whether or not the kids are there and not paying attention. I live next to a couple with a reactive dog that regularly gets out and causes havoc. It IS going to hurt someone one of these days. I don't blame the dog I blame the adults. That said....
Your DH is wrong to confront you in front of either skid. And the way he did it is not right - but you know that.
OP did say she is spending a
OP did say she is spending a lot of money to train the dog and walks him with a muzzle. She also keeps him inside. A 12-year-old absolutely can be taught to close the door. Her DH not backing her up and allowing his almost teen to let the dog out is undoing any progress she is making. I'm not a dog person and i fricking hate when people let their dogs run wild, but it sounds like OP is trying to do her part.
I am with Cover here. You are
I am with Cover here. You are responsible for making sure the dog doesn't get out for the dog's, other pets' and your (getting sued) well-being. If you can't get a trainer in, I'd look at some YouTube videos and do some serious daily training myself. If that doesn't work, I'd break down and use a shock collar in a situation like this--a situation that could become dangerous.
Clearly, the kids are brain damaged and don't know how to keep doors closed, and you can't use shock collars on them.
But I would be tempted to use one primarily on your SO. Three seconds to apologize? Kiss my A!
"But I would be tempted to
"But I would be tempted to use one primarily on your SO."
Yeah. OP is spending more time training her dog than he ever spent training his kids. 7 and still in diapers and this guy wasn't doing a damn thing. And he has the audacity to verbally abuse her in front of them.
You have a dangerous animal.
You have a dangerous animal. Yes, the 12yo left the door open, however, the root cause of the problem is a dangerous animal. The risk that animal represents is more than I would tolerate.
Time to send the viscious dog over the rainbow bridge and minimize the risk to your assets if the dog hurts or kills the wrong pet or bites someone.
My parents Bichon was mauled by an animal similar to yours that was being walked by a young child without adult spervision. He lost an eye had PTSD for the rest if his life. The dog that attacked did it a gain a few months later killing that dog that it attacked and was taken by animal control and disposed of.
As for your asshole DH, hell no to what he did. An partner never does what he did to you in front of the kids. Sick your dog on that POS non man and get on with your life. His railing at you because his spawn is an idiot is never acceptable. Stop serving yourself up on the alter of SParental martyrdom to this dumb ass and his failed family baggage.