Nothing is safe.
NOTHING!
I had friends over on Sunday for a cocktail afternoon. Stopped at the liquor Sunday and got strawberry puree for strawberry margaritas.
Never ended up making strawberry ones just regular ones.
I open the fridge just now and notice that it's not where I left it and it's half empty. Like wtf. Seriously. It's not for strawberry f'n milk or something!!
I text SO and say whoever used it owes me $8. He responded with "I told SS21 he could use it. I'll buy you another one."
Most people would think this isn't a big deal but this is the ONLY place that understands.
I can NOT wait to not have to live with anyone anymore. This stuff is really starting to destroy my soul.
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You are giving me flashbacks
"I told SS21 he could use it. I'll buy you another one."
SD used to dump entire bottles of my expensive shampoo and conditioner on her head.
ooohhh! Well when we were on
ooohhh! Well when we were on vacation SD said SS21was showering upstairs. I'm actually surprised she didn't chew him out.... but I told SO he is not allowed upstairs. I don't care! He can trash the downstairs whatever. SD and I have expensive stuff in the shower and it's NOT his to use.
I think this triggered me today because he told SO we were "running out of jelly" yesterday. THEN GO TO THE STORE AND BUY SOME!! OH!! So maybe he used it for a f'n pb and jelly sandwich!! DISGUSTING. Talk about sugar!!!
Get something he really likes
Get something he really likes and add a bunch of clear hot sauce to it. Put it in the fridge and wait
Anytime I've bought lemon
Anytime I've bought lemon/lime juice for drinks he uses most of the lemon juice and when that goes empty uses the lime. I buy organic lemon juice now and that doesn't get used.
Do they make clear hot sauce? I've never seen it! All I'll have to do is put anything in a lemon juice bottle and he will 100% use it.
Yup they make it. Got a
Yup they make it. Got a couple options on Amazon and Walmart.com that you can order. Also other websites too. Imagine him taking a nice big drink of lemon juice mixed with hot sauce lol yuck!
I'm 100% going to do this. I
I'm 100% going to do this. I'll let you know.
Cayenne or sport peppers in
Cayenne or sport peppers in vinegar. Sold all over the place. The liquid is clear. It will send the message.
Naaah
I'd be looking into liquid laxatives ...
"I'll buy you another"
That was DH87's line. He never understood that wasnt the issue. DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF
YEP!! What's even more insane
YEP!! What's even more insane is that SO said "yes use it." OR when I texted him about it he lied and covered for SS21 saying "he asked me if he could use it." Have to protect them from big bad Missk.
When it is someothing other
When it is something other than basic grocery items, the ask before you use it rule should be in place. Violate that rule, and find out what hell looks and feels like. They get their ass chewed, they immediately march their ass to the store to replace it with their own money. Their parents does not get to go do it and bail the kid out. They get exactly what they consumed. Not some cheap alternative.
Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
That said, if it is not clearly set aside for a specific purpose, food is fair game.
If a kidult is living in the parent's home, they need to tread very lightly. They need to cover their own food, etc... If they are a Skidult to one of the couple, they light tread should be that much lighter and wary.
A Skidult does not necessarily have the tolerability that may be afforded to a fully shared kidult who perpetrated irritating behaviors.
IMHO of course.
My husband would offer my
My husband would offer my sweatshirts and other clothing to his kids for camping and going out on hiking excursions cause they didn't pack right then they would love the item and ask if they could "have it". "Here take stepmom's..oh look it fits perfect... So nice!
Oooo flashbacks! My DH would
Oooo flashbacks! My DH would offer my things to the SD's too, and they always wanted to keep it. (They didn't)
Why is it IMPOSSIBLE for
Why is it IMPOSSIBLE for these people to say "no" you can't or don't use this or that. Ironically when SO came home last night around 9:30.... he made SS21 go outside and pick up his stuff he left around out on the deck.
The child that he is ALWAYS pulls "sToP tAlKiNg" to SO when he asks him to pick up after himself. SO will continue yelling with his threats that never amount to anything. Hence why he continues to do what he does... SO doesn't seem to understand that concept though. SS21 has the maturity level of fly.
What the hell did SS do with
What the hell did SS do with strawberry puree?! We can sound paranoid, but I swear toxic steps do this crap on purpose. SD, back in the day when she'd visit, used to EMPTY every bottle of eye drops she could find in the house. Weird. Pieces of blow dryers would always be missing after she left. Apple power adapters always came up missing (who travels without a way to plug in their phones/iPads?) SS overuses and empties cinnamon (????). It's the overuse, the taking of things that don't belong to them, not replacing things. At the very least, it's total lack of consideration. At most, it's passive aggressive theft.
Can you start putting sticky notes on your fridge? "Do not use the strawberry puree!"
Bizarro!! Emptying eye drops!
Bizarro!! Emptying eye drops! With SS21 he has absolutely no consideration for anything. Others belongings, keeping things clean, other people's feelings. He's a slob. Still leaves messes like a toddler.. actually worse.... My nephews are cleaner. All he does is talk about himself etc. I leave the room every time he enters. I can't listen to him. It's brutal.
I've tried notes. I left one on our downstairs bathroom at eye level on the inside to remind them to close the door. I actually wrote how the bathroom was an embarrassment for me because it is right when you come in to our kitchen from the back of the house. I wanted the door closed because I don't want people seeing the inside of it when they come in... they didn't care. I refuse to clean and make SO do it. Instead of making him cleaner etc he just allows the grossness.
Or one that says, "I spat in
Or one that says, "I spat in the strawberry puree."
(and hope he doesn't add, "so did I. ")
Did you check the liquor?
IDK what you use strawberry puree for except drinks
YOU have a major DH problem. Unless / until you get DH on board to get SS out of your home. You will be hitting your head against the wall. DH will always give his kids a way out. " I said ur was ok to do ". I will replace it.
I made a dozen cookies the
I made a dozen cookies the other day. Took them out and put on cooling rack. I went upstairs to give DS3 a bath. I came downstairs and HALF of them were gone! I asked DH where they all went. He asked SD14 if she took them and of course she said "oh, only a few I think." He just huffed and didn't even follow up with her. Then SD14 says "Fine, I'll go put some back." EW GROSS. No one else wants cookies you've had your nasty hands all over.
For me it's the PRINCIPLE of the matter. Taking things without asking. Being GREEDY. Seriously, who needs 6 cookies. And the ENTITLEMENT of course! Gets under my skin. Can't wait until she is gone.
Eventually these types will run into someone who will not
Eventually these types will run into someone who will not tolerate their shit. Basic manners have to be ingrained by quality parents or the kid will get walloped at some point and they will deflate and whimper in shock because they have been raised from a perspective of universal special-ness. Sadly, those raised without firm standards of behavior and standards of perforamnce, are generally never special. Mere existence does not make anyone special. Special is earned.
IMHO, it can't happen early enough. The earlier it happens, the better chance the kid has of learning and maybe getting on a path of quality.
My SKid has always had confidence problems but he has always been exceptionally well behaved and polite. If he can observe and position himself appropriately in any situation, he does well. He will never overstep. Unlike his dad.
But, I don't take the cookies!!! My kid would never take the cookies either. Asking will always happen and should always happen.
IMHO of course.
SS21 is one of those has
SS21 is one of those has manners outside of the house but none in the house. Two face.
It is never to late, or to
It is never to late, or to early to train them. The later the effort starts, the more confrontational the training has to be. Resulting in either them gaining clarity, or separating.
Either result, you win.
Greedy kids grind my gears.
Greedy kids grind my gears. SD20 is like this - as a teen she would loudly tell the room that SHE gets the most of A, B, or C food item because it's her favourite and she's "just a kid!!!" DH's family will only do dinners with her once or twice a year, and everyone has a bad time. (Except for me because WINE.)
Oh any baked good that's for
Oh any baked good that's for something specific needs a "DO NOT EAT" written on it. Otherwise he will eat it. It's all principle for me too.
I do NOT miss this issue. Me
I do NOT miss this issue. Me finding things missing or used without my ok. I don't care about the basics but the stuff I either needed or bought for myself or for projects: my household repair closet being raided for "play time" and DH thinking it's not a big deal while then I (yes me!) have to run to the hardware store for something I was repairing, missing my snack things (bags or boxes not just some of it), missing whole jars of things from the cupboard that I use regularly, etc. etc. All the while DH saying, "It's no big deal." But NONE of his things ever disappeared did they? Nope. I actually regret not making some of his things disappear so he could understand.
All that's in the past now with both SDs out of the house!
I only can say what worked for me: literally hiding things I just knew SDs would get into if I left them in the usual places. If I let them use something, really make sure it came back (I lost a lovely gray cashmere scarf OSD pretty much just upright stole and a good duffle bag YSD never brought back from BMs) and then just STOP letting them use anything as a result. Locks on cabinets and whatever DH thinks, who cares! Locks worked for me absolutely!
I actually regret not making
It might have been petty, but I definitely did this! DH was mad that I told SD to not use my collectible coffee mugs. He was adament that SD should be able to make hot chocolate in them, even though she leaves dishes up in her room.
I started putting his glass bourbon glasses in the front cabinet so SD could use them too then
One broke too while he was opening the cabinet since SD14 shoves everything in there and it never stays organized. "Whoops" ;)
SS21 broke not one but two of
SS21 broke not one but two of my glasses from other countries. He was probably 14 at the time. Now they were on the top shelf... he broke one... was told NOT to use them... naturally didn't listen and broke another.. I took them out after that.
I have a mug rack I made hanging in the kitchen. It's a travel mug rack (I actually need a half pallet to expand it) for all the places we've been. He thankfully doesn't use mugs and we have a TON of regular ones he could use... I used to buy them all funny mugs for Xmas in their stocking.
I've started throwing out
I've started throwing out socks and underware that are left on the ground because every time he does laundry almost every time something is left behind.
It's a validating thing. Sad that we live in situations like this.. but still validating.
Accountability drives results
Accountability drives results. If their crap is out of place, it goes in the garbage. Problem solved. One item at a time. Of course setting the example becomes paramount if the adults are leading an accountability centered household. We can't throw their crap away if ours is out of place.
Hammer time!!! Set the standards, enforce the standards.