My gut instinct is that this "realization" is short-lived, soon to swirl down the memory hole. That your SO scored a victory in you back-tracking on your word, and going when you'd endured so much abuse, harrassment, and disrespect. The "He's glad you went" seems like "He's glad his abuse and pressure worked."

Sorry, but I'm SUPER-JADED from having dealt with someone who treated me just like that: my now-xH. Angry while reading your recent blogs that I had actually hoped things would get better with my xH when all along, it was really his expectation that I'd get used to it and resume going along with the b.s. Rage, Pity, Charm cycle. XH would periodically "throw me a bone" of hope by having a similar occasional "Realization," but every time, he reverted to (and even escalated) his same tactics.

I'm so glad that's not my life anymore. 

Well, let's hope he doesn't start having a memory lapse as time goes by. I hope he sticks to "stepping back".

My SO almost broke down he was so upset.
 

Firstly you going was a way to indirectly give yourself some peace since you still live with him (and as adamant as he was about you going, your absence would have - in his mind - given him an excuse to lash out at you)

However you may want to revisit where you stand on events in the future so that he is crystal clear you won't be attending anything else you don't agree to on the front end. And be firm about the consequences he will face if he chose to attempt to encroach your boundaries  

Now that he went and saw with his own eyes (what you've been trying to tell him this entire time) just how petty and inconsiderate his daughter (led by her breeder) is being he may behave better (and stop hounding you about attending these SD worshiping events) for the sake of your marriage/relationship

now he will learn what happens when Disneyland parenting doesn't work and blows all the way up in his face!

I'm glad you went. This sounds awful. My DH has been through very similar situations. To me, this kind of behavior is unforgivable, but although my DH has confronted and stepped back, he is still involved. I am not at ALL. When DH here seems to be getting (too) soft, I drill home the fact that neither skid mentioned his health crisis on social media, never mention on social media that they have seen him, yet for years publicly glorify BM if she does as much as farts (I am no longer associated with them on social media). DH: They pretend you don't exist. 

There is a time when enough is enough. I hope you step back completely now and that your DH doesn't fall back into fantasyland. 

Two fundamental problems that these divorced Daddies have are:

First, when these divorced dads split from their ex-wives, their kids often shift loyalty almost entirely to their BM, to the point where it feels like they’ve joined a cult. They have - the club of an alienating BM. The kids, whether openly or subtly, reject their father’s authority in favor of their mother's. In this twisted dynamic, whatever BM says becomes law.

Yet, somehow, these clueless divorced dads still believe they hold some sort of ‘authority’ over their children. Even after repeatedly hitting the wall of rejection, they refuse to face the harsh reality—BM has seized control of the first failed family, and she has no intention of letting it go.

No matter how much these dads grovel, kiss ass, or try to buy their way back into ‘the club,’ the truth is they’ll never regain membership. That club is exclusive, and the only role they get to play as an inanimate object is that of an ATM—nothing more than the Bank of Dad, with zero influence on how the 'the club' is actually operated, that's BM's job. When these fathers become divorce, they automatically become ex-husbands and ex fathers. Ask me how I know this?

Second, when these divorced dads remarry, and they haven’t come to terms with the fact that they aren’t in ‘the club’ anymore, their loyalties and priorities don’t shift to where it should be – with their wives. Wives should take priority over skids.  No, they marginalize their wives to the level equal or less than to their kids and they wonder why these women resist when the skids mistreat them.  This helps no one, especially not their case, because these ex-wives really don’t want these men to move on. Even when they remarry and have 'the Cleanup Guy' living with them supplying them with extra cash, (one of the main reasons the new stepfather is in 'the club,' he has the 'right' currency, these evil BMs still want to go after and 'punish' their ex-husbands. Why? Because in their book, they are innocent, and it's all their ex-husbands' fault they are divorced. 

The best way for a woman in Rocky Road's situation to protect herself is first to realize what is happening. She didn't create it, and she can't control it or fix it—don't enable it!  This engage!

Second, she stays out of the way when the universe gives her husband ‘consequences’ when he fails to work with reality and gets an ‘ass-beating.’  DO NOT feel sorry for him. He already had plenty of warnings before.

For him to move forward, he might have to get two or more massive ‘ass-beatings’ or be beaten repeatedly until he realizes he. is.NOT.in.the.club, before he decides to accept reality and realize he’s no longer a member of the BM’s cult, ‘the club.’ Ask me how I know this.

Men like this haven’t processed the post-divorce aftermath and (the alienation of the skids) yet, if they ever do.  You need to protect yourself financially when he decides to try to ‘buy his way’ back into ‘the club.’ He can’t, but he won’t admit it to you.  He might think that if he lets them 'beat the hell out of him' enough times, he can get back into 'the club' that way. What that only does is, in the BM's and Skids' eyes, lower the respect they might have left for him. At the worst, they make fun of him behind his back.

You can't help him. He will have to learn this independently, maybe with his second divorce.

Good Luck!

before. You have to know your SO learns nothing from these smack downs. His resolutions last maybe a week before he swings back and blames himself for his children's rejection.

He is saying this stuff because he's hurt but also to please you because you're the only thing he has now. He, like you, stays because he doesn't want to be alone. This is not the basis of a normal relationship.

For both your sakes, end this relationship. It is quite possible his kids will come around if you leave. His ex will be happy because he will be free to go back to their co-dependent, quasi married game they played for so many years and will encourage the kids to reunite with dad, if only to have reason to talk to him all the time.
 

This is what he wants. This is what your (entirely reasonable) request that he give up his enmeshed relationship with his ex costs him. I think he knows this and this is why he blows his stack when you refuse to play Happy Families with him. Is this normal? Are you wrong for wanting a normal relationship? Hell, no. You're 100% right but being right doesn't mean you get what you want. 

And if you could just get away from his abuse you would be able to see the relationship as it truly is - a pretty dream that turned into a nightmare. 

I shared my DH's similar experience with HC on your other thread.  It played out just like I predicted.  Hopefully this is a wound that went deep, so deep it made a permanent mark on his memory and heart.   
 

Don't go to anything else for this bratty SD.  She has made her bed as they say.  She is old enough to suffer the consequences.  Christmas is coming up.  I suggest a token present and nothing else.   Finish up the CO, no extras and start banking that money.   Give what you get was the advice my DH got from his therapist ( a man who had also suffered from a PASing BM and BD).   

Will help ?   He will never learn. If getting disrespected and put down didn't do it. Nothing will 

Pleae proceed with caution! Your So has done this before, and has always gone back to his old ways. You are caught up in something very similar to the "cycle of violence" in domestic violence situations. He gets mad at you over you not going somewhere, so to keep the peace you go, he then has some sort of "emotional breakthrough" and is nice to you because you went, after a period of time he will start in on you again about doing something you don't want to do and the whole cycle will repeat.

While I hope this time is really different, I doubt that it will last. The only way to break this cycle is with therapy. You deserve so much better, please keep that in mind.

He has learned nothing. The time to "talk" to SD and tell her how he feels is long past over. The time to jerk a knot in her tail is now and forever until she stops playing mommy's games.  No more. None.

See how SD and BM like living their lives looking in a mirror facing their bullshit fully.  

Tolerating this kind of crap just empowers the toxic assholes to be toxic assholes. Yes, kids can be assholes.