Needing to vent

Nothing new. Just very anxious. Of course all week it has been the usual. DH spends about 30-60 min with our almost 2 year old and that's about it. If you want to call it "spending time" it's her and I playing and he is sitting on the floor or couch next to us on his phone. I've started taking pictures of this, not sure if it counts as documentation or proof if I end up in court one day. Today, he goes out with his friend to golf for the morning. My daughter and I go to church. We then get home and he had went to the gym. She goes down for a nap and he goes to do other things for 3 hours. Then gets home at 5:30 because other daughter is getting dropped off by 6:30. He then is with her the entire night. She is always sitting on him and hanging all over him. While I'm over playing with our daughter. Then he wants to act like a dad and play with her and other kid. Then at bedtime he never rocks or tells her a story, all the sudden he sits in her rocking chair and SD9 sits on his lap for a story and my daughter of course wants to join. He then says for me to take a picture...of course so he can post to make him look good right? Maybe I'm just being too irritable with it and overthinking it. I'm really starting to hate my S/O. His daughter and him act more like they're married than him and I do. At this point I am weirded out by their relationship that it's a total turn off.

UGH.

if divorce wasn't so expensive and I didn't worry about getting fought for custody then I would have been gone a year ago. This is the most unusual relationship I have seen. I could be a step parent, but I don't want to be in this situation any longer.

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Damn, i'm so sorry you are

Damn, i'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like he likes getting attention and accolades on social media (there are so many people who feed into it with "Wow, you are such an amazing dad!". I wonder if you could snap a pic of him and SD looking especially icky and send it to him to post. Without letting on that it looks gross. If he posts it, screenshot it as evidence.

He won’t

He won't. He just likes to look really good on social media. He also lectured me cause I only post of my daughter and not him and his other daughter. When SD was 7 and I was at a wedding with my sister, he sent me a video thinking it was cute and funny of SD dancing and singing naked in the shower. Her lyrics were "I'm a naked booty, every body loves me" and she proceeded to turn around and shake her butt. While he was laughing. I felt like this was so inappropriate on so many levels, my response back was "oh my..". I know some people look at it as innocent, I get it. But it's just weird to me on so many levels. Never could I have imagined my dad being in the bathroom at 7 and recording me naked.

Did you save it? Seriously.

Oh yes, I have it saved in a

Oh yes, I have it saved in a file!

Came back to add, i'm not

Came back to add, i'm not definitely saying you should divorce, since you have a young child. I'm not saying you shouldn't, either. Idk enough from just a few posts. But if you do divorce, you will need all the ammo you can get to get as much custody of your daughter as possible. You don't want it to be her in the video.

OH, oh, oh....very bad.

Do a consultation with a divorce lawyer to find out where you

Do a consultation with a divorce lawyer to find out where you stand in your county as far as custody. A local lawyer will have a fairly good idea about your chances of getting more custody than your DH. I am normally very pro father, but there is something seriously wrong with a Father who would video his naked 7 year old daughter in the shower. There are places in this country where that could get him arrested.

Research "mini wife" - that is exactly what you are dealing with.

The fact he sent you a video

The fact he sent you a video of a naked minor and that you kept it puts you in a precarious position. Child porn charges for both of you if you don't handle this right. Research your state laws in this. You could be in deep and possibly lose your bio. No worry about sharing custody. Does this scare you? I hope so because you are married to a creep. Get yourself to a lawyer

Hopefully a lawyer can advise

Hopefully a lawyer can advise her. How can she prove he's a creep without, well, proof he's a creep? If she didn't save it, it's her word against his. She's in a bad spot.

Also, every culture is

Also, every culture is different as far as nudity but OP is in Indiana, so i imagine the culture is about the same as anywhere in the US. Bathtub videos are cute when they are a baby or toddler who still wears diapers. Preschool age is iffy, but where i come from (southern US), once the kid is old enough to go to school it's too old. Couple that with the fact that this guy is a divorced dad, would rather spend his evenings cuddling on the couch with his (9 now i think?) daughter vs his wife, it's not normal.

When my ySD was about that

When my ySD was about that age... she decided one day to come down to the kitchen and "warm her buns" on the wood stove.. bare butted.. her dad immediately told her that she was too old to be doing stuff like that.. it wasn't cute.. and it wasn't funny.. it was inappropriate. I mean... she wasn't a bad kid.. but she was def looking for attention.. but her dad actuallly parented her vs whipping out the cell phone.

Yeah. That's how you do it,

Yeah. That's how you do it, and good for him. OP's SD has now learned that dancing naked for Daddy gets her positive attention, as does lying on the couch with him for hours and hours. She even said "I'm a naked booty and everybody loves me!" What kind of message does that teach? Any woman in his life, even her sister, will be seen as a rival now. Even if he's not molesting her, it's bad for her mental health and future and bad for the family dynamic. To me the test is, what if a 7-year-old son started shaking his butt at his dad in the shower. Would he film it and send it to people or would he say "Get out of here with that BS!"

This is it. Exactly right. It

This is it. Exactly right. It's a very unusual situation that I no longer want to be in or my daughter to be in. But how can I prove it without saving the evidence. We have an entire couch and they have to be sitting on top of one another. Just like last night. I'm playing on the floor with my little one. She is laying on him on the couch. Or they will want me to come downstairs and hang out with them. And it's them on one side of the couch cuddling and me over on the other end by myself. How awkward? I have started taking pictures, as I stated before. He thinks this stuff is cute and innocent and it makes me so uncomfortable to the point that I have to leave the room. I am glad to know I'm not being over dramatic or weird about it, because that's what he tells me I am being.

And these are exactly the

And these are exactly the photos you should be posting. He doesn't see how icky they are but the folks on social media will... Bonus points if you can capture the pair if them cuddling/snuggling with your dd clearly out of their little world a few feet/yards away, looking very alone/sorry for herself.

Exactly!

I had a married male associate on Facebook who looked like he was treating his daughter as a mini spouse

Posting hella pictures with his younger (high school but looking mid twenties), attractive daughter giving the impression to those who didn't know him that she could be his gf

I thought it was weird and never said anything but Someone finally called him out in the comments and said "dude where is your WIFE?"

Can you purchase security

Can you purchase security cameras (they aren't expensive these days) and put one discreetly in the room where this is going on?

The funny thing is we have

The funny thing is we have cameras in our household and he only has access to them. Never thought anything of it until about a few months ago I was in therapy with my counselor (because of this situation) and caught him on the cameras watching and listening.

What? There are security cameras in your house and he spied on

What? There are security cameras in your house and he spied on you when you were talking to your therapist? This needs to stop right now. Your situation is not only not normal, it is becoming almost abusive. Either you get access to the cameras too, or they get removed. Please tell the lawyer everything you have told us.

Yeah i was going to give this

Yeah i was going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and think maybe he didn't realize how harmful his behavior was, but now he checks multiple creep boxes.

Never thought anything of it

Never thought anything of it until about a few months ago I was in therapy with my counselor (because of this situation) and caught him on the cameras watching and listening.

thats imo controlling and overstepping boundaries

OMG

I would have gone effin' NUCLEAR!

That is such a huge breach of trust! How can you ever come back from that?

WTF made him think he had the right to do that?

I would track down every last one of those cameras and rip them out. Pay special attention to the bathroom and bedroom because he probably isn't above putting them there.

I understand what you are

I understand what you are saying. This isn't an easy situation. I had told a lawyer about this when I met before. I actually reached out to one today. Thank you.

Best of luck to you. This is

Best of luck to you. This is a very very awkward (to say the least) situation.

if divorce wasn't so

if divorce wasn't so expensive and I didn't worry about getting fought for custody then I would have been gone a year ago.

costing you more to stay with a man who isn't changing for the better to improve your marriage

Sounds like your husband is suffering from extreme guilt about his kid from another relationship being in a multiple home family. Most kids adapt fairly well to living in 2+ homes. Mine stayed with grandparents, bio breeder, etc. and my bio is doing fairly well (honor student, full ride to top college, philanthropist, student athlete, etc) so overcompensating on kids from previous relationships (especially in a marriage with kids in the current marriage) while single may be not as harmful as it is to the dynamics of the current household/marital relationship with new kids together.

Have a serious conversation with him about it perhaps in therapy cause quite possible he'd get defensive and start gaslighting you.

Also - to give him the benefit of the doubt - maybe he's splitting childcare so (tending to his bio while you tend to the little one) so you don't have to wear yourself out dealing with both.

Maybe put some cams around the house, leave him with BOTH kids, and see how he responds...if he still neglects you alls bio then you know there is a bigger issue that needs resolution

You must realize

That if you do nothing...Nothing is going to change ... this will be your life... DH already has one fail marriage [wonder why]. And going for a second fail marriage. Nobody can or should tell you what to do.. but doing nothing isn't working