Now we are being punished - LOL
Since being told she is not the recepient in either of our wills, SD has gotten nasty.
I guess H tried to call her to see how she was doing and it went to voice mail. He hears from his other daughter, who is a delight, and calls him all the time to check on us even though she is thousands of miles away. Finds out from her that the SD is over in Europe on vacay. H was surprised because she never said a word to him about that and it was planned well in advance. He was disappointed because it enforced the realization that if there isn't anything in it for her she doesn't bother. Me? I kept my mouth shut, let it sink in. He is moppy about it now so I decided to come here and let it out.
The other daughter was quite surprised we didn't know. The one around here had been leading her to believe she was doing a lot for us. FWIW, the nice one didn't talk to the other one because the one here is known for stirring the pot, so to speak. It was H that got them back together because, as H says, they are sisters and should keep in touch.
Am I surprised? NOPE. This is typical. I mean, let's face it, when one is having severe heart problems and alll she wants to talk about is his will, then she has a problem. She is not concerned about improving his remaining life, taking him out for a burger, a ride, or do anything for him. But let him to to the ER or hospital she shows up immediately so that she can see what is going on an get to things asap. VULTURE, Ghoul is what sums her up.
Thats really sad
Husband and I had a brief discussion last night. Sometimes he is ready to speak of things and sometimes not. I was venting on here about adult SD18 Princess Powersulk Do Nada and her sister SD25 Feral Forger, and how hes become the ATM Dad, that is used for money and no relationship interest. It got heated. This time - he was quiet and I was quiet and he said simply "I know my daughters are both bad in different ways."
And I finished with "but you dont want your nose rubbed in it and theres nothing you can do".
That about sums up what your DH is dealing with for the SD Ghoul-some. He knows but theres not much he can do about it.
Clove - you are right. He
Clove - you are right. He knows but nothing he can do about it. But that doesn't mean he isn't hurt by it. I get to deal with that because when she does surface he will be all smiles and act like he was never hurt etc.
As I have said before, he permits her bad behavior so she gives it to him. As with Father's Day, for as long as we have been married she has NEVER called him on Father's Day or sent him a card that arrived before that day. She always calls after the fact, midweek with the excuse that she got busy and didn't realize it was FD. H. always lets it go by but he is always hurt by her actions.
If my D did that to me, I would sure in the heck tell her to stuff it.
This is disgusting behavior.
This is disgusting behavior. And that mopey stuff is really unfortunate. He should channel that hurt into anger (or action = just stop speaking to the mooching ingrate), but, well, some people prefer to be treated like crap, apparently.
How
Does she know what's in your wills?
When he finally took the
When he finally took the mooch by the horns when she was pestering about our wills, he told her everything he had would go to me and would be sold for me to go into assisted living. And I agreed vica versa. She didn't like that as she was counting on at least 1/2 the house and contents 'cause she wanted them in rememberance of her father, the guy she doesn't even remember on Father's Day.
There is a history here. She hated her Mother. She does not get along well with the rest of the family either. The only one she got along with was H. because he is so tolerant and easy going.
When the Mother passed only one of the 3 kids wanted to help pay for the funeral. H. and the nice one ponied up the funds to bury the Mother. As hubby said, he didn't want his Ex to be buried in a paupers grave, she deserved better. The Greedy one here used the excuse that she didn't like the Mother, BUT she would gladly fly to FL to go through her things and see if there was anything of value! AsI understand it, the deadbeat son who lived with the Ex in her trailer, got the trailer and all and disposed of everything he could at the pawn shop, etc. Note, he didn't chip in for the funeral either.
I posted this on another thread, this deadbeat was busy spending up the limit $10,000 on the Mother's Discover card while she was in the hospital. He figured, and actually told H, that all the stuff delivered was ordered by his Mom when she was hospitalized. Took a few years,but Discover went after him for fraud and now has a $10,000 judgment against him. This POS would actually check into the hospital on days he was to go to court for the matter. After the 3rd time the judge ruled in Discovers favor.
After the latest judgement H is furious with him and wants nothing more to do with him period. Thank goodness!
Wow!
She doesn't eve try to hide the fact that she's a grifter! These sorts of stories make my stomach sick. I feel bad for your DH because I know what it feels like to have a child turn their back on you. However, he has to, at some point, accept it or it will eat away at him. Has he gone to counseling?
H doesn't believe in
H doesn't believe in counselling. Thus I get the "pleasure" of dealing with his stuff. Sad, because in the past when she does come around he is oh so pleased to see her and listen to her BS. She was going to take him to the new steak house for his birthday last March....never happened. And the list goes on and on.
I must add that when we had our talk and made out our wills after he told her how things were going down, he also told me she was GREEDY!. That was an understatement and maybe a breakthrough because he has never ever said anything like that about her.
IMHO, he needs to call her on the crap. Letting her get away with it only means she will do it again and again.
My DH
My Dh doesn't believe in therapy either. Word of advice, keep a close eye on the wills. She sounds like the type that would forge signatures if given the opportunity.
My concern about the will,
My concern about the will, his, is that she would change pages. The lawyer had us, and the witnesses, initial each page so something like this doesn't happen. He obviously knows what can go on.
Wow...
...SS sounds like a gem. So glad for you that your husband has his number.
I wouldn't say he has her
I wouldn't say he has her number. But from out talk about wills, etc., I pointed out that when he was gone I could not count on her for anything. His remark back to me was why should she help me. THAT surprised me but also let me know he knew what she was like.
What really turn my stomach
Was her ex who never payed CS. Never gave any money to his kids. [ sorry there was $35 once ]. When he died of bad liver from too much drinking.. Want me to pay for his funeral. I told her I will give the $35 back. We were planning a trip what we really couldn't afford to Disney world.
'I told her do what you want but it his funeral or Disney. We went to Disney.
Since being told she is not
I wouldn't tell these greedy mongrels sh*t!
Lie and tell them money is being used up while living and IF anything left it is all going to Red Cross (or some charity) upon d3ath
That is pretty much what is
That is pretty much what is going to happen. I inherited ALL from hubby, and vica versa. Who ever is left will sell the house etc. to go into assisted living and will need every dime to do so.
That is why she is upset. She was counting on getting at least part of the house from Daddie.
Have a new update and it will
Have a new update and it will make things a lot clearer.
Earlier I posted that H heard from his other daughter the one down here was in Germany. At least that was what she WAS TOLD. Well, seems that isn't the fact. She was suppose to go to Germany to see her new grandson and son, but was told that they didn't want her and her hubby to come!
As I say, even her own family wants nothing to do with her.
H found out when he tried, once again to contact her and this time she called him back. She got handed a double whammy, nothing from us and her DIL doesn't want anything to do with her either.
She also expounded to H about a grievance she has long held against me, claiming she changed her life for me (BS). After he talked to her he told me I had been wrong about her and then started telling me the BS she had told him. When I pointed out the discrepancy about what she told him and what happened he got this rather confused look on his face and stopped the conversation by saying: "Well, that's what she says". He believed her until I pointed out the discrepancy! It didn't make sense, but I hope by the look on his face he caught on about her. He was also there when it happened so she was giving him an untrue version of what occured. Yet he was ready to go along with her until I pointed out the discrepancy that had to do with him. He couldn't deny it.
WIW, the oly reason she bothered talking to him was to be the victim. Look what they did to me etc., and to get her jabs at me. As I said before, the look he got on his face when I pointed what had occured to what she claimed had occured was PRICELESS.
Keep DH primed for a rolled
Keep DH primed for a rolled up copy of the facts to the face any time he starts to drink the SD's lie filled toxic Kool-Aid.
Lather.... rinse..... repeat.
When necessary, and it will invariably at some point be necessary, have the facts ready to scrub her nose in when she gets particulary obtuse and disconnected from the facts.
Rags, you are correct.
Rags, you are correct. Unfortunately H tends to believe, or at least want to believe it, until I point out the discrepacy. And it tees me off when he says; okay, enough, I don't want to talk about it. I feel like he is still doubting me.
What the greedy one is right now is scared because it looks like she ain't getting anything. IF she isn't getig anything she isn't going to bother with us. That is the way she thinks. What's in it for her. She is like that with other people too. There strangely is no warmth to her, like she is always calculating to get what she wants. Never come across that before.
I’m not so sure…
...that he REALLY doubts you. It is easier to doubt you because then he does not have to confront (his) familial dysfunction. It is so much easier to place blame on someone else (you) than face the truth and acknowledge his part in the problem...raising a dysfunctional child and sweeping the nonsense under the rug. He KNOWS. It is easier to scapegoat YOU. This doesn't just happen in step families, it can happens in any family where a newcomer shines the light on 'issues'. We all have issues, problems occur when they are ignored. This is why I advocate for therapy.
One more thing Rags, keeping
One more thing Rags, keeping the facts ready to, as you say, scrub her nose in it would be gratifying but a futile effort. This one is always ready to change the facts to make her the victim. I sometimes wonder if she has any grounding in reality. She thinks she is smart. She is not, what she is is cunning, opportunistic. Always looking for that way to get what she wants. I have her number.
Stick to your guns.
You can be both strong, but gentle with your delivery, when you speak the truth. Same facts. Repeat as often as needed. Isn't it the pitts that so often we have someone's number, yet they continue with their nonsense?
Yes it is. Way back when we
Yes it is. Way back when we were first married, this one came up with a story about one of the others, making it sound like she was a terrible person. I asked H about the story and was told it was nonsense, and he proved it to me. He said she was always trying to stir the pot against everyone else (jealous of siblings IMHO). He actually called her up and told her he wanted her to stay away from me! He said she was always starting problems between her siblings, Mother, etc. and had for years. I figured it made her feel important and a victim. She is extremely jealous of her older sister because the sister had her masters in nursing or something and is pursuing another degree even at the age of 58. The sister is smart and the troublemaker can't compare with her. Her claim to advanced education was at a Jr. College where she claims they signed her up for a course on how to do pratt falls, clown falls, etc. Supposedly that was towards a degree. BS is all I can say.
The few times I ran into her after that, she would start to whine about what kind of father tells a daughter that, wha, wha, wha. Of course trying to put everything on dear ole D. Told me I should keep what she was saying secret. I would always tell her that if she wants to know and had anything to say to go talk to her Father. THAT she never did. I also told H what she was saying to me, he said I should have kept it secret as she wanted. Hey, I never agreed, and that is what I told him.
But do note how she tries to get people against each other by playing the victim. Amazing.
Lol. The idiot is strong in
Lol. The idiot is strong in this one.
My brother and I are extremely close. I got him through both undergrad and grad school. Our parents would call me nearly every semester and ask me to keep him from quiting. It was a closely run thing a few times.
IRL, he is brilliant. He is a C-suite executive. I do well, but not nearly as well as little brother does. I am very proud of him. We have exactly the same degrees and even worked together for the first 8 years of our post undergrad careers. He is a corporate world savant. I am the guy that is tasked with either building the new business or rescuing the failing division. After I do that, I get sent to do it again instead of getting to run those busineesses long term. Those businesses usually get sold or broken up and integrated into other divisions.
I love what I do. He has shared several times that he hates what he does. He is bored stiff. He gets the corporate world so intuitively that he is a business leader rock star.
DH knows
If he turns off the ATM his kids have no use for him. Where is all this money going in the end. ? The kids ? As get it now or get it after I died ? Are you going to give your money to the government? Charity? Most charities spend the money on themselves with million $ paychecks
I realize now that she isn't
I realize now that she isn't going to give up as long as she THINKS she can manipulate.
I haven't said anything to DH, but should something happen to him I have no plans on calling her about anything until, well you know (making sign of cross). Don't need any aggrevation etc. in such times. If she shows up I will ask them to have her removed or put elsewhere.
Long time back H gave her a key to house. I am going to work on him to change the locks as things seem to have gone south concerning her. Honestly, she scares the begesus out of me and her ass of a husband just stands by and lets her do whatever she wants, take whatever she wants etc. As Rags said, he may be a journeyman tool and diemaker, but that doesn't mean he is smart and has values, ethics.