Summer break
It's that time of year again. I was previously a sahm/student while caring for my bio daughter who is now 3. I also have watched my stepson(6) a lot since being a sahm and have helped out a lot with school pick ups/drop off, summer break and more... ss mom is fully involved but has a past of using us like babysitters (no schedule arrangements just when convenient for her to send him with us) hubby talks of getting a parenting plan but is slacking. He always jumps at every chance to get his son, which I don't blame him, but I am resentful of how disorganized it is and how it feels like my time doesn't matter
this summer I have to take a class on campus and while I am working on getting my daughter enrolled in a learning program, my mom offer to help with watching my daughter this summer. She has some health challenges and is recovering from a fall where she injured her hand, and I'm very grateful she even offered.
I have a feeling I'll be expected to care for stepson this summer but I am feeling guilty for feeling like I'll need to have a talk with hubby to let him know I can't do it this summer... it would be a lot for my mom to watch them both as well as me shuffling both of them around,
need some pep talk and some advice from stepparents who can relate
thank you
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Comments
The kid has two parents and
The kid has two parents and you are not one of them. Let them sort it out between themselves. You are trying to better yourself so you can better care for your family. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold for someone else's child.
Absolutely not. Your schedule
Absolutely not. Your schedule is yours - only help if you feel like it and are not pressured into it. You are not the parent and they can sort it out. Make your plans and be firm.
Come at it
from the other direction. Write up a schedule of when you will be available for providing child care for your SS this summer - and make sure you're carving out all the time you need to make it work! And tell your DH straight up that your mother is NOT babysitting his son.
If he wants time beyond that he is responsible for finding childcare for him. He and his ex are taking advantage of you and it needs to stop, like now.
^^This. And do not make
^^This. And do not make yourself constantly available. You need time to study AND time with your little one.
If you were not available, DH and BM would definitely have to make other arrangements. You are a rare option.
Agree
Let SH and BM work it out. Does BM have parents who can help? DH's mother ?
In the wise words of the late
In the wise words of the late Barbara Bush - "Just say no!"
ETA i know it's no easier now to follow that simple advice than it was then for at-risk kids. But still.
That was
actually Nancy Reagan, as part of her anti-drug campaign.
Yes! The egg in the frying
Yes! The egg in the frying pan! LOL!
This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Sizzle.
A classic.
Just say no. Simple, elegant, effective. At least for those with some intelligence it is effective. For drooling dumbasses, not so much.
I agree with the
I agree with the recommendations for you to make a schedule. Absolutely SO needs the message that there will be no drop ins by BM. He has to get a CO with a clear schedule and that schedule has to be his hill to die on. No jumping through his and your ass backwards to accommodate his X. Her time with her kid is her time. Not time to dump SS on you and your mate. Your mate, is not her mate. While he is the SKid's father, in COD visitation schedule situations he is not the full time parent. He is the visitation schedule parent.
Yes, there is a general perpsective that failed family parents want their kids all the time. THat is not reality in the overwhelming majority of failed family situations. The new relationship houshold has to be held sacrosanct for those who reside in it full time and the adult relationship at the center of that houshold has to be the unassailable priority. The other failed family parent has to parent on their time.
If y our SO ends up being the NCP, which is likely as far more often than not the BM is the CP, he has to demand that the BM delivers on the care, feeding, and parenting of his child per the schedule.
So, time to sit SO down and throttle him into getting a schedule instead of just paying lip service to getting a schedule. You both deserve that, your child deserves that, and even SS deserves the stability and routine of a schedule.
The first 10 years of our marriage included Undergrad for my DW, Grad school for me, Grad school for my bride, and preparing and passing the CPA exam for my wife. We did not have a local visitation schedule to accomodate. DW had full physical and legal custody of SS. The SpermClan had limited long distance visitation on a 5Wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring schedule. If they bothered to take any of it. While DW was in night school, she would drop SS at a drop in daycare and I would pick him up on my way home from work about 30-45mins later. Then it was kid/dad time for a couple of hours, then I would cook us dinner, bathe SS, then it was gradschool time for me. I did my Masters online. It wasstudy time for SS well. He would grab his Dr. Seuss books, sit on the day bed behind me in the study, and we would do our school work. I had a parrot sitting on my head or shoulder for most of my MBA.
You can make it work, but for sure, do not cater to BM. DH needs to get the schedule. Period. Dot. He has to hold BM to that schedule.
Take care of you.
Spread some summer camp
Spread some summer camp brochures on the kitchen table
and have multiple conversations with your spouse about respecting you/your time by creating structure in the home like most men are capable and expected of doing.
And if this doesn't work .... spread photos of cots in the basement (which is where he will be sleeping if he acts obtuse and/or bucks up against you in this issue)
A tent for the backyard and
A tent for the backyard and sleeping bags.