For real BM
.
SD15 will be 16 at the end of this month.
**Background on our relationship:**
SD hasn't stayed overnight since she was 5, and visits have never been regular. Attempts at visitation always ended in fights with both BM and SD, with SD hysterical and BM acting like the hero. We eventually gave up.
Now, BM wants us to help buy SD a car, but we said no. SD hasn't attended school since she was 10, and BM homeschooled her due to behavioral issues. SD is academically at a 6th-grade level.
SD stays up all night, goes out with friends or her boyfriend, and sleeps all day. BM calls us every few months, saying she can't handle SD anymore. SD only contacts us for money. BM ask us to take SD because she is out of control, then backs out when SD throws fits
BM is determined that we should help buy SD a car, but my husband said no. SD doesn't respect anyone and sees us as a bank. BM plans to finance the car and get a second job to pay for it, despite our warnings.
My concern is whether this decision could backfire on us financially if BM's situation worsens. Could we end up responsible for the car payments?
Worse than car payments
You could end up with SD, that would be worse. Unless you guys sign any paperwork at the car dealers, you aren't liable.
After having a troubled 15- year old SD move in here after BM couldn't handle her, I'd say that's the bigger fear. SD moved in here, back with BM, in here, back and forth, whichever place let her evade consequences at that point. If we had it to do over, we should have supported BM"s parenting efforts and made SD stay with her, that's where she wanted to be anyway.
But, I agree, your BM sounds weak and ineffective.
Her parenting is let her do
Her parenting is let her do what she wants. And if we try to help her she backs down to SD and acts like we are to tough.
Stand your ground. Smart you
Stand your ground. Smart you and smart DH! Let BM's financial mistakes be her mistakes and let her deal with them. You all are not obliged to be responsible for finances related to a car. You are not liable for whatever happens. Stay strong! :)
Thank you. It feels mean, but
Thank you. It feels mean, but it also feels mean letting SD fail and encourage it almost. When reality hits she is going to have a breakdown.
The last thing you want would
The last thing you want would be the financial responsiblity for SD w/ a vehicle. It sounds like BM is big on the threats and weak on the follow through so SD has learned how to get BM to give her things her way. You do not have to play along. When SD hits the wall of adulthood she is going to be shocked at what adulting looks like. That's one thing you don't need to be a part of. BM created the monster, she gets to reap the rewards.
Agreed!! SD can't handle any
Agreed!! SD can't handle any part of life that is not fun. She can't go to school because of anxiety but she can go party races and what ever else she wants to.
So BM let SD run wild
Let her do what she wanted . Home schooling, Now she BM , doesn't like what she created . And wants to dump SD on you washing hers hands of her mess. Unless you take a stand. All will be lost. SD disrespect ed her BF and you. So No car. College is out of the question, she will never finish high school work. Buy there are weddings. Wedding with a S. As in more then one and those GK. All needing funding to
You will not end up
You will not end up responsible for car payments that BM finances. Her choice, her responsibility.
Do not put any $$ out
And dont sign anything.
Your husband is not an ATM. Sd sounds like an over grown 2-year old, but hopefully one that is on birth control.
The kid is 16 and has
The kid is 16 and has basically dropped out of school. Which in the US the kid can do at their own discretion at the age of 16. Also at t his age, depending on your State, a parent can file for forced emancipation of the same kid. If I were DH, that is exactly what I would do with this kid.
If BM wants to stay on the hook for sniffing this shit spawn's ass, that is on BM. No, you have no financial liability on teh purchase of the car. However, without an official emancipation order you may be fully exposed to liabilities for any damage or injury that SD causes to others.
DH needs to get to his attorney and immediately file for the forced emancipation of his minor incorrigible child.
A good friend of ours did this with his DD when she was 17. She refused to comply with household rules and was perpetrating attendance fraud at school. So... out you go kid. Write when you find a job. She was forcibly emancipated through the courts. Unlike your SD, this kid was brilliant and actually graduated from HS with honors a year early and attended university on an academic scholarship and finished a degree in Computational Mathematics. She is now 40 and has had a successful career. She and her dad (our friend) are very close. She needed that kick in the ass to get her head out of her butt and to launch into adulthood.
You and your DH need the emancipation to protect yourself from the poor decisions this kid will invariably make. Leave it to BM to resolve.
IMHO of course.
Then BM will get a car to use.
Are you buying BM a car or DD. Why does someone who doesn't go out need a car ? She doesn't go to school,or work ?
Hi, Totheend12345,
Hi, Totheend12345,
In an earlier post, Fri, 04/23/2021, you stated that your SD had just turned 16 yet your post of Tue, 01/25/2022, indicated that she was still 16, while today’s post shows that she continues to be 16. I’m confused. Is there more than one SD?
I agree with all of the other members in suggesting that you steer clear of your troubled SD, and her screwball mother; they are hostile and potentially dangerous.