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Failed family toxicity way too close to home.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 04/08/2024 - 7:55pm

Todays active shooter event in Las Vegas was in my DW's office bldg. It occurred on a different floor than where she works.

The event killed a lawyer, and his new wife who he was representing during a deposition. Apparently the shooter who also killed himself, was also a lawyer, and the XFIL of the murdered wife.  The XFIL was representing his son.  Reports are that the XH/son of the shooter was in the deposition.  The dead couple recently had a baby.  The victim lawyer is a father of 4.

DW led her team to a lockable office, got them on the floor, assessed possible weapons in the office (a lap top for bashing a head, a wraught irom planter stand, and one of her interns had a large retractable blade pocket knife).

She sent me a text when she and her team were sheltering in the lockable office as police entered the bldg.   Instant calm and time slowed down. My usual response to stress, conflict, and danger.  I knew I could not get to her so I remained at my own office 20mins from hers and awaited update. 

When they were evacuating DW was on an elevator with a person from the office were the shooting occurred.  That person was on the other side of the wall from the conference room where the deposition was being done.  He indicated that there were four shots, then a pause, followed by 3 shots, another pause, the a single shot.

DW says she was okay during the event and the evacuation.  They staged evacuees at a nearby resort for interviews. I met at a restaurant in the resort after her interview with police was completed.  She was fine until she saw me. So was I. Until I saw her.  We both choked up when we hugged.

I have recently raised the point that so many in blended family situations are victims of any number of types of abuse.  Emotional, financial, etc.   My fear is that many who stay in shitty failed family recoupling related relationships are victims of abuse on some level.   

Be aware, be confident, tolerate no shit from a mate or their failed family baggage, and be aware of your surroundings and cognizant of tells in your mate, their children, and their X. 

Apparently, be aware of tells in your mate's XILs are well.

Be safe STalkers.

Take care of  you.

Comments

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Mon, 04/08/2024 - 8:01pm

So happy to hear your DW is ok as bullets are not always stopped by walls. It sounds like she was calm under pressure and acted as a true leader. I completely understand the tears when you were finally reunited. And yes, so many are in abusive situations of some type and do not realize it until it is too late.

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Mon, 04/08/2024 - 8:26pm

Terrible! So glad to hear your wife is ok! I can't imagine how worried you must have been. People seem so unhinged these days it is scary and you never know what will set someone off the deep end. What a tragedy. 

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Mon, 04/08/2024 - 8:49pm

I am so happy to know your wife is okay.  And she sure is a great leader, doing everything she did for her team.  An emotional reuniting for sure. 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Tue, 04/09/2024 - 9:11am

I agree. I am impressed with her level headedness. I would have felt like running around screaming bloody murder. (Hopefully I would have more self-control and decorum in a real crisis.)

la_dulce_vida's picture

Submitted by la_dulce_vida on Mon, 04/08/2024 - 9:20pm

I'm so sorry to hear that your family was impacted by this terrible experience. Sending warm thoughts and hoping you hug each other closer every day.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/09/2024 - 6:48pm

We are good. It took 6.5hrs for the PD to release cars to be picked up.  Incident occurred at 10AM, I met her when she was released at 2:30 and we picked up her car at 4:30.

Thank you all for the support.  Scary stuff for sure.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Mon, 04/08/2024 - 10:17pm

I hope your DW was not too traumatized.  Awful

 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Mon, 04/08/2024 - 10:49pm

To fully respond to your post would take a much longer response but for now I just want to say that I am so thankful your wife is alright. How scary. 

TheBlindside's picture

Submitted by TheBlindside on Tue, 04/09/2024 - 5:40am

So happy to hear your DW is ok - what an awful experience for you both

 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 04/09/2024 - 6:26am

How proud you must be of your wife to deal with that situation so calmly.  She sounds better every time you talk about her!

And... how awful of a situation.  I have to say that there are people that I have wanted to no longer exist.. but I have never hated another person enough to sacrifice my own life for them... that's the bizarre part about these situations.. .if you hate them... why do you want to die for them.. and you know that is the likely outcome?  or at best... a lifetime in prison?  

Family law situations can be so tough though... I know we have just a glimpse at some of the real dysfunctions that go on.. the abuse.. the infidelity.. women passing kids off as someone else's.. nailing guys to the wall to be just an ATM card... the PAS.  The abuses can take all forms and the outcomes can cripple people emotionally and financially.  

I would hate to guess what drove that guy's father to act that way... maybe the ultimate helicopter parent.. handling his child's business (in a horrific way of course).. 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 04/09/2024 - 7:45am

I am very relieved that this awful situation is over and that your wife is safe. Beware of flashbacks - they happen when you least expect them. 

(((HUGS)))

Hastings's picture

Submitted by Hastings on Tue, 04/09/2024 - 8:54am

How awful -- but I'm so glad your DW is ok. Sounds like she handled it like a pro. I doubt I would be as rational and level-headed.

A friend of ours is a family court judge and has talked about the enhanced security they need in his courtroom. People don't always realize how dangerous and volatile those cases can be. So horrible. I feel for their families (especially their poor children).

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 04/09/2024 - 10:19am

For your DW to go through this, and for those families and children affected. So very sad.

They are not publishing the details as to the motives, at least not on CNN.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/09/2024 - 7:06pm

Thank you all so much for the kind and supportive comments.  She did great. I am very proud of her. In the follow up meetings yesterday a few people on her team told the partners that DW handled the safety of her team very well and "This manager is a keeper."

The decompression  was rough last night.  Lots of tears, zero warning sobbing melt downs while she worked from home (tax season does not allow for anything but get it done, though I tried to get her to decompress rather than work), and me being front and center to hold and comfort.  She was in complete control during the event. I was locked in helplessness after she sent me the text that she had her team in an office and there was an active shooter in her building.  

On some detail to the sitaution.  Apparently the shooter is the XFIL of the deceased woman.  She and her new DH were the victimes. The XFIL was an attorney who was representing his son (the XH) in a custody action.  A peer that I work with has a family connection to the deceased new husband who was representing his new wife in the deposition.  That guy was on his 4th marriage.  No judgement. Just info my peer provided.

XFIL was apparently in mid to late stage terminal brain cancer.  My peer said that the victim lawyer was a brutal and difficult person when it came to his own divorces and prior marriage kid custody.  If representing his new wife was unfolding as his prior divorces had, XFIL may have decided to deal with the custody issue and his terminal condition in one fell fatal swoop.

Not sure how accurate any of what my coworker shared this AM is, but, that is what was said.

The follow up articles indicate that there were 7 people in the deposition. The shooter allowed three to leave after killing his XDIL and her new DH.  He apparently shot himself in front of his adult son.

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Wed, 04/10/2024 - 10:02am

I hope your DW is able to decompress at some point, but like you said tax season, so maybe after.  I have been reading articles about this and it's just really sad, sounds like there were several kids between all three parties and an ours baby.  

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 04/10/2024 - 2:10pm

This AM she was absolute wiped out/exhausted. Not unusual for the last week or so of tax season. The active shooter event has just amplified it.  She is okay, but very shakey.

I have read the same things.  A recently married recouple with yours, mine, and an ours baby. An ongoing contentious custody battle between XW and XH.

On my drive home from work last evening the local news guy was saying that the dad picked up his kids from school after the shooting.  The deceased mom's other law firm filed for emergency custody for her family, the judge signed it,  and the kids were taken from the dad that evening.  

Unless there is just breaking updates, there are no indications yet that the XH/Dad had foreknowledge that the XFIL/GrandPa was planning on offing the XW and her new DH.

These kids are young enough that if the process and firm up who gets them, they may have a chance of some level of normalcy in their future adult lives.  

It will be interesting to see how the battle between the dad and his own XILs unfolds.

With the breadth of experience in STalkerland, I am sure we can all provide input that will result in a reasonably accurate forecast of outcome.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 04/10/2024 - 3:32pm

To be honest... if the dad had no idea his own father was going to do something so horrifying.. he shouldn't necessarily be punished by not getting full custody as most bio parents would if the other parent passed away.  The grandparents on mom's side could very easily blame him for all of this.. and it could actualy end up being detrimental for them to be with them if they did push that narrative on the kids... who have lost one parent.. and if her parents start that up.. it would be like losing both.

 

Evil4's picture

Submitted by Evil4 on Wed, 04/10/2024 - 9:41am

OMG! How frightening! Your DW is a savage! You must be very proud of her for keeping a level head during such an event. Also, very relieved.

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 04/10/2024 - 2:18pm

Absolutely to both. 

I am exceptionally relieved that she is a CPA and not a lawyer.  Two floors between absolute tragedy and survival

She is dead calm in a crisis.  The CEO reached out to her yesterday and thanked her for the leadership she provided.  She and her partner (her direct report boss) were on opposite ends of the bldg during the event. DW sent her partner an message of who she had in her possession, who was working from home that day, and asking her partner who was with the partner.  

Interestingly, DW fell back on and utilized the active shooter, safety/situational awareness, and risk mitigation training we received when we first moved to an Expat assignment in the Middle East.  The company had a security officer from the US embassy provide that training to all newly arrived Expats.  That was about 13yrs ago so her recall and use of that training tells to how much of an impression it made on her.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 04/11/2024 - 2:03pm

Incident update.

Last night during my drive home there was an update on the shooter event from Monday at DW's bldg.  

The 7 people present in the deposition were the Deceased DH, Deceased DW, Shooter (Deceased DW's XFIL), Shooters DW (being deposed), the Deceased DW's XH and son of the shooter and shooter's DW, a court reporter, and .... an additionally interesting person present. The Deceased DH's XW's lawyer.  No indication of which of his three XWs that attorney was representing.  So, one of the deceased victim's XWs had representation at a deposition of the new DW's XILs.

One of the update news articles had a graphic with the attendees and their role in the deposition.

The shooter was very focused in who was being targeted.  The remaining 4 people were not harmed physically.

Lots of "the rest of the story" news updates going on locally.