venting so i don't go crazy
Can I vent about BM please? SS15 has baseball practice twice a week. Travel ball is almost all year round. We love that he plays and we make sure he gets where he needs to be. BM recently moved to our neighborhood, like you can see her apartment building from our back yard close
BM likes to spend time with the SKs but does not like to be inconvenienced by her children who my husband has had full custody since 2016 when she dumped them on the street with their belongings for her new boyfriend she moved almost 2 hrs from where my husband lived at the time. Recently since she has moved closer, the SKs are always running over there to visit, even bringing her ice cream from our favorite place. I get it, they have their mom back.
BM has even done us a couple "favors" by picking up or dropping off kids when we are in a pinch...my attitude is, bitch, where we're you when we had 4 kids that needed a mom but had to settle for a step mom or my MIL. Bitch, where were you when we were juggling shit every day, sick kids, rides every where, dinners, homework, school events, fukin THERAPY appointments. Bitch, you were having a quiet dinner with the boyfriend turned husband(now soon to be ex) while we juggled life with 4 angry, hurt children. SS15 is the youngest, the rest of them drive and work. We're good, we don't need you, go back where you came from.
Now for today's vent. Due to a clogged sink and dishwasher, we haven't been able to wash dishes for 24+ hours. It's a mess. We were up til almost midnight last night, couldn't fix it. Tried Drano, still not working. After working 2 jobs, my husband has to come home and fix it after we fed the kids and went to the gym. He asked her lazy ass to pick up the boy from baseball, "I can't," she says, "I'm getting ready for tomorrow." Because we are not?????
Tell me if i'm wrong, is having children sometimes an inconvenience or only for us?? So many times she ditched the kids on one of the 3 or 4 days a month she saw them, because it wasn't convenient.
And my husband just puts up with her. I gave him a whole body eyeroll when he told me this and he raised his voice to ME. I cooked dinner and ate alone again while BM "Gets ready for her day tomorrow"
I ain't the bitch who spit out 4 kids and left them in the street crying and waiting for their dad to get them. They literally forget all of the hurt she caused them and it has often been projected at me or the grama that took care of them after her abandonment. OSD24 did finally tell her off for that, but the rest of them push right by my husband who works 2 jobs to give them everything, they push past him to fawn all over her. I know this is somewhat "normal" for kids to fawn all over the absent and/or abusive parent, I'm just getting tired of watching it. This is just the tip of the iceberg of the many times shit goes down like this.
thanks for letting me vent
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Comments
Are you getting CS
If not get it. That money can be used for a plumber. And DH should not be going to the gym if the sink needs. Fixing ? Sink is more important then time at the gym
I went to the gym with him.
I went to the gym with him. It's a choice we made before we found out that baseball practice was moved to a park 30+ mins away. BM drove him there but refused to wait an hour to bring him home so my husband had to go get him at 9pm. If BM drives there, we drive home sounds like a fair deal if we didn't do both the majority of the time. We wanted a one time 'favor'.
It sounds like you don't just
It sounds like you don't just have a BM problem, but you also have a DH problem. While yes, BM should want to pick up the slack, she is clearly a deadbeat BM, which is why she is NCP and DH has full custody. And NCPs can literally say "No" if they want to. It sucks, but that is the nature of being the custodial household.
Why is DH working 2 jobs? Is it a financial need for the household or because he wants to spoil his kids? If the youngest is 15 and the older ones are close to aging out, or aged out, then he can cut back on what he provides. Adult kids need to learn to support themselves. DH is not obligated to GIVE THEM EVERYTHING to overcompensate for a shitty BM.
I think, based on your post, you are upset that DH is always gone and the responsibility to parent these kids falls to you. Don't let that be the case. Make DH do his job and raise his kids. If DH doesn't get to go to the gym, or get "me time" then oh well. It isn't fair for you to sit alone all the time or sit with the kids all the time. He needs to sort out what his priorities are.
Yes to all of the above. I
Yes to all of the above. I disengaged years ago. If he wanted to go to the store after work, he brought the kids. I'm not babysitting. If he had to drive one kid somewhere, he took them all. I was never to be alone in the house with the kids. If they had a day off school or a 'sick' day, I left and he had to figure it out. If they were really sick, I made exceptions. The pandemic came along and all that went out the window. I was stuck home with them, out of work. Shit happens.
He works a full time job and does side jobs. He makes more money in a evening at a side job than I do all week. BM pays a bit of support. We are cutting off the older girls at the end of the year from car insurance, they pay their own phone and car. We provide health insurance at no cost to us and will until OSD24 turns 26 and SD21 gets married in a year and half. She doesn't live here and she just finished school and passed her exam and got a raise at work!! For all her problems in the past, she is doing great.
We went to the gym together. We didn't know they would move practice to the outdoor facility which is 30+ minutes away. It was 60+ degrees but having practice til 9pm, it was dark so it probably wasn't that warm.
I know BM is not obligated to do anything but she wants the Mother of the Year award every year, sometimes you have to be inconvenienced by your kids. I ate dinner while DH went to get the kid. We fixed the sink, finished up laundry, and got to bed after midnight. The alarm went off at 5. I hope BM slept well
First.
First.
Vent away. Make yourself feel better.
Next, make sure your DH nails BM for CS NOW. If possible, go after arrears for CS back to the date BM abandoned her kids.
Most importantly, roll out the full frontal facts for the Skids. All of them. SD-24 gets it. Make sure the others get it too. And... if SD-24 is willing, have her be integral to smacking he younger sibs in the face with the facts over and over and over again until they either age out from under the CO and go live with BM or preferably launch, or they gain clarity.
Yes, BM in your blended family world is a POS. Time to make sure you and DH grab her by the scruff of the neck and scrub her nose in the stench of the stains on life's carpet that she causes for you, DH, and the Skids.
Turn your anger into action. Doing nothing changes nothing.
We always had full physical and legal custody (DW anyway). The CO also addressed a long distance visitation schedule. We never lived nearer than 1200 miles to SpermLand so SS-31's visitation with the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool was not intensive and was limited. And then only if they actually took their visitation which was not a given by any means. At most they had 5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring so their presence was not at all and their abilitity to manipulate was minimal.
Our adventure started when SS-31 was 2yo.
Set the rules, enforce the rules, bring the pain down on BM with every legal, financial, and social consequence at your disposal.