It's falling apart again
For those of you who've read previous posts, dh apologized the next morning while still on our trip. He didn't leave when we got home. But... nothing changes so here I am again.
We had an argument again about SD vs BDs. Our bd5 was upset at bedtime cause she wanted me to tuck her in but it's DH turn. So he got upset cause all his kids would rather mom (sd10 recently decided she wasn't coming to visit anymore cause of separation anxiety from her mom for 10 months, we're over that thankfully but it still hurts). Anyway I talked to bd and she said she wanted dh to have his turn but he was all sooky and said he didn't want to. So I got mad (kinda the straw that broke the camels back today) Because no matter what, he would never say no to Sd10. He would never listen to her cry and still say no. But he did tonight with bd5. So I got mad. It's been building cause we were supposed to go to a Christmas party a few weeks back, babysitter arranged and everything. The day of said party, while I was at work, he texted and said he had too much stuff to do at home and didn't want to go to the party cause he needed to get all this work at home done. I was furious. Mainly Because, if SD was visiting that weekend, he wouldn't do any work cause he never do. So I called him out on it. He hasn't had a productive Saturday since that weekend bc we've had SD every weekend since. And today, while on our weekend without her, he went to 2 sports events with her that took 5h in total to attend. There still plenty of work to do but hey, she's got stuff going on. And I'm trying to see his side, that he only gets to see her 50% of the time, which sucks I know. I'm not evil. But he works shift work and me and our 2 kids barely see him too. But he's willing to giveup his saturday with us for her. (I realize I sound petty and jealous. It's not appealing at all but it's how I feel). Plus he threw it in my face that I've took plenty of vacation days the last little while and the house still looks like a disaster. We have a bd5 and bd1, it's Christmas and the toys are everywhere. I put them away and in an hour, it looks like a tornado hit. Sometimes I feel there's no point to clean it but the mess makes me anxious and I do tidy up. Only for it to be destroyed repeatedly . Plus laundry, toilets, tubs.etc. I'm overwhelmed, feels unappreciated and gets very little help with housework bc he works 60h a week. But I'm wrong for calling him out. Thanks for reading. Not really looking for anything but needed to rant. Again.
I'm sure we need counseling. In order to go, I'd need a babysitter. My mom already takes care of the kids daily so don't feel like I can ask her. I just think we're on a bad path.
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Comments
Hey, Hon,
Hey, Hon,
Things are ‘falling apart again’ because your husband appears to have made little effort to behave in a sensible manner concerning his 3 daughters. In each of your posts, the man appears in a more unflattering light. To deny his 5-year-old a bedtime ritual because she first expressed a preference for you, her mom, to tuck her in is the conduct of a puerile adult. And, you are correct in stating that he would never deny his oldest daughter such a request.
I well recall the fiasco of your trip to Quebec; because you complained about your husband’s blatant, unjust partiality towards his eldest he responded by threatening divorce! His enabling of your SDs’ entitled behaviour (sitting in the front seat during trips, while you occupy the back, for example!) is equally preposterous and unhealthy. The child wields far too much power both in your family and with her mother; it should have been curbed long ago.
Favouritism among children, triggering feelings of being ‘second best’ is very damaging and can create lifelong trauma, as can be attested to by many of our members. Your 5-year-old has already noticed her father’s biased conduct, recalling the ‘toy’ incident that also occurred during that Quebec trip and I’m certain that there are many more examples that have not escaped her notice, young as she is.
Fathers who put the children of a failed marriage on a pedestal seldom make any appreciable changes in their behaviour but, by all means, arrange for therapy. There is always a chance that an objective, third party may open your husband’s eyes to the error of his ways.
I'm sensing that this man,
I'm sensing that this man, who is fine listening to his 5 year old cry because he's being a bag of dicks toward her for acting like a 5 yr old, would turn the world upside down if SD10 were to even start to look a tiny bit not happy.
This is not child issue or you expecting too much, this is 100% him issue. Don't let him deflect it onto you or your children.
Your DH needs mental health help
Hes acting like As*. Maybe this is why, his first marrage failed. The ex could not take it anymore. You can kinda see her point.
'This has to stop, he can not reject his DD . You should go to counseling. He wanted a marriage with you, a chikd. He can not be working 60 hours a week. He has parent duties at home. Then again this is why SD may feel disconnected from him
You must understand, you are not SD mother, she has one, Just because SD is in your home That doesn't mean you take control from BM. BACK to the pictures. It's the mothers job to get DD dressed for school pictures. A mother thing. Because you have visitation, you don't control what she wears. You are causing BM to get mad. Once mad she gets even. By stopping visitation. Your DH understand that you are causing this crap. And he loses because his DD. Doesn't [from BM] want to do visitation. BM hits a home run and takes control from both of you .
Venting here is a good start
If you cant get away, and are feeling overwhelmed, online venting and organizing your thoughts definitely helps.
Can you start playing games with kids that includes THEM cleaning up their own messes? Im not a parent, but Ive heard of youngsters as long as they can walk, can put their stuff away and its like a fun game...
Do you have mommy friends? Ive heard of groups of moms that get together and help each other out.
Your partner SO is not being a partner. Its the him and SD club vs you and your bios. He is failing you as a partner, threatening to leave whenever you stand up to him.
Please re-read your posts and the comments.