Bioparent Help
Dumb question: Does anyone know of any resources, groups, websites, etc. for bio parents that remarry to explain how to be a good spouse? If not, maybe we can start a list of advice to give them. lol
I ask because I think we can all agree that in stepparent situations often time the problem is the bio parent failing to properly parent or be a good partner. If the bio parent knew how to play their role, there would probably be happier stepparents.
- Bee_kay's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
n stepparent situations often
You can say that again.....
This is why a lot of them just need to be single or get back with their kids other bio parent
My now ex pretended not to understand that his ex wife and kids did not run what used to be 'our' household simply on the premise that they contributed NOTHING to the household so in my mind, while their suggestions would be considered, they would not take precedence over mine.
He let them use him like a dusty doormat (constantly making demands, calling all hours of the day and night, begging for money every other day, etc), he fell into their inappropriate displays of emotions when rightfully told NO or WAIT, he frequently caved into their whims no matter how much it inconvienced himself or me, and it significantly decreased my attraction to him.
Having no boundaries with his ex wife or kids was frequently explained away as being 'for the kids sake'....um no! Kids need structure and boundaries plus they need to see the man of the house leading vs passively dropping everything to be some weak errand b*tch at his failed former family's every beck n call.
Had to leave since multiple converstations either did nothing or produced change slower than molasses running uphill in a snowstorm
I cringe thinking about this ish!!!
You’re A Friend In My Head
I read all of your posts in real time. Each time I was like "Yesssss!" The way you wrote them was entertaining because your strength was admirable. Yes, your ex was a spineless doormat, which is probably why his ex was with him. She knew she would always be able to walk all over him and now his children do it. I'm sure he's probably sitting at home feeling lonely and miserable having to deal with his monsters by himself.
I hope you are doing whatever you want, whenever you want! Praying you find a handsome man, with six pack abs, a good career, he has some sense and no children.
She knew she would always be
Exactly!
That or he's convincing himself that he can now get back to fully making those kids the center of his world (which he should do as a single man) so he can compete and be the 'favorite' parent. Now he can keep being a YES man to all 3 of those domestic t3rrorists to his hearts content.
And yes my peace in my home has been restored. Thank you for the prayers.
As far as a manual and resources for these maladjusted bio parents....
Lilly, I am absolutely
Lilly, I am absolutely snorting with laughter at your hilarious post! My poor husband, trying to sleep while I type and laugh has started tossing and turning. You are really something, kid!
Sadly, even with a manual so
Sadly, even with a manual so many of these failed family breeders would choose to be shit partners and shit parents. Not that they would recognize that is what they are choosing.
IMHO, the "manual" is the SParent setting standards of behavior and standards of performance for their mate and for the failed family spawn that mate brings to the SParent's marriage. Set those before day one and enforce them without exception and without delay and the SParent has the best chance of having a quality life with a failed family breeder and the failed family spawn. A key element of clarity that the SParent has to recognize is that we have married a failed partner and far more likely than not... a failed parent. Knowing that the SParent is the one who has to defend their life, marriage, and home from the failures that a mate brings.
Sadly, any marriage involving a SParent is a second marriage and as such is far more subject to failure than even the failed family breeder's first/failed marriage.
Certainly there are any number of SParents married to prior breeding mates that never married their failed family breeding partner. Though even in that case the odds of failure are likely higher even than they are in a first marriage for two non breeders.
I am the SParent in my marriage. I also am the one who is divorced. My DW was a single teen mom and never married the Spermidiot. That I had no BKs with my XW is a definate positive for my marriage to my incredible bride. That she was a single teen mom is also a definate positive. That we never have lived nearer to SpermLand than 1200 miles and the CO set a long distance visitation schedule was the most imporant success factor for our marriage, family, and for our son.
Little of this was preplaned. We just partnered and continually did what we thought was best for us.
There are no guaranteed outcomes. But for us... it is looking good so far.
"That we never have lived
"That we never have lived nearer to SpermLand than 1200 miles and the CO set a long distance visitation schedule was the most imporant success factor for our marriage, family, and for our son."
I can only imagine your reaction if the Spermidiot walked into your house, cracked open a beer, and plopped his skanky a$$ down. After a few months of dating, SO and I prepared a meal for the kids at his house. BM2 walks in, sits down, and starts eating off one of the kids' plates. She had already been rude to me twice before when I tried to introduce myself so I did not try to speak to her. SO just sat there looking uncomfortable and I left the room. I told him "this isn't going to work." That was the beginning of a painful process of boundary setting. These bioparents have been brainwashed into thinking they are such great people by being close with their exes. Then they bring some poor sap into the mix thinking they can have a good relationship. Lol.
BM2 walked into your home and
BM2 walked into your home and your DH did shit for nothing about it??? OMG.
I would have grabbed her by the short and curlies and tossed her ass out the door while calling 911 to haul her off in cuffs.
As for the Spermidiot entering my home and cracking a beer. More like spark up a blunt. He considers himself far too classy to drink beer. He is a dooby hound and incapable of recognizing what a POS he is. I would not have had time to even get up to toss him out. DW would have likely knocked his ass out as soon as he walked through the door.
He has 4kids. My son, the one with a career and thriving as an adult. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind the inmate. Yet.... Spermidiot is all convinced he is a great dad and way cool. He still cruises malls to try to pick up teen girls. He is 54yo. He dresses like Vanilla Ice, fancies himself to be a Ninja so much so that he spends shit tons $$$ on his constumes.
My DW would not waste the piss to put out the flames if he was on fire. I would be the one tossing gas on those flames. Even my Skid would probably just pull out the marshmallows ot toast for smores on those flames. Don't get me started on the SpermGrandHag. I detest her even more than I detest the Spermidiot. DW is of the same thoughts regarding the Hag.
SS, has far kinder thoughts regarding the Hag than he does the Spermidiot.
Fortunately my DW knows what the SpermClan is and does not tolerate shit in her life. A youthful mistake does not require a life time of bad choices. I am fortunate that my bride is brilliant and learns from her experiences and the experiences of others.
It was my SO's home but we
It was my SO's home but we had been there for several hours preparing a meal together for the kids. We had been dating maybe 4 months and were serious and exclusive. I told him that if we were to continue to be together, i was not going to eat family dinner or hang out with his ex, not just because she was his ex but because she was blatantly rude to me. I knew if i let it slide it would continue, and the relationship would be over. You have to start a relationship as you mean to continue it.
He was under the delusion that exes should be close and the fewer boundaries the better. I told him that's great, but if you really like your ex that much and the kids are your everything, you should just get back together and stop trying to bring others into the mix, especially since the ex did not tolerate other women in what she still considered to be "her" home. Nevermind that they had been divorced 10 years and she had a home, with her husband of 4 years who apparently thought she was working late when she was marking her territory at her ex's place.
He was under the delusion
Sounds like he, like a lot of men, had some repressed sister-wives fantasy lol ... Good thing you put your foot down
Oh yes...he said something
Oh yes...he said something like "Maybe you and BM can help each other." I said "Help each other WHAT? I already help her by taking care of her kids more than she does (because at that time I was.) What the hell does she help ME with?" That shut him up.
BM2 walked into your home and
I'm sorry but the visuals is giving me a chuckle rn
Sadly, any marriage involving
EXACTLY ... so you'd think these Disneyland parents and failed family breeders would do better the second time around / appreciate having a good step-parent to come through and make things a little easier for everyone .... but nooooooo these people are hellbent on digging their heels in, staying in the same dysfunction, and creating a trail of t3rror, tears, and distruction
I could NEVER have that type
Of relationship with an ex. I can't understand how people can do it. But that's me. I never had dinner with ex. Never hung out with. Ex. My life wasn't that shallow that I need to have the ex at party's. I didn't divorce, get into a new relationship,, I was not paying for there dysfunctional life