Fix it or I will.
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With delivery of abject misery for a kida mate, or mat's X who fail to deliver effectively.
Why is this not a far more prominant message delivered by SParents to mates who are failure's and their failed family spawn, and the mate's X(s)?
Fix it or I will! (typo correction)
With delivery of abject misery for a kid, mate, or mate's X(s) who fail to deliver effectively.
Why is this not a far more prominant message delivered by SParents to mates who are failures, their failed family spawn, and the mate's X(s) who fail us?
It's actually good advice in
It's actually good advice in many situations. I used it many years ago for a situation with a somewhat invasive MIL. I told DH to explain to his mother that my home was my castle or I'd do it my way ... There then ensued 6 months of frosty radio silence. After that, we realised that we had many interests in common and got on like a house on fire!
She's been gone for many years and I still miss her. She was a true friend.
I Finally Took That Step
While I had to tolerate some toxic treatment by DHs kids, once I had enough and "put my foot down," their toxic impact was very limited. Mind you, I tolerated toxic for 12 years....way too darn long and caused myself a long healing journey. I completely disengaged from DHs kids, with zero contact. They were put on further notice this past Spring....when DHs youngest thought she could return and continue being the biotch she's always been. I promptly told her to get off my property. So, if 5 years of no contact wasn't enough for her (and them) to know I was serious, that event sealed it.
My "fix it or I will" was, do something about this mess or our marriage will not last. His fix was to see them away from our marital home and share minimal info on his kids. It's worked for us. And my "move" has made some improvement. DHs youngest visited our home last month and was very cordial, even hugged me. Granted, he was the least of the troublesome kids but still was part of all that mess. As long as DHs kids are respectful to me in our home, it will be good. If not, they can leave also.
Fix it or I will - and you
Fix it or I will - and you won't like how I do it.
There are times in steplife where this is a reasonable boundary, just as there are times when a SP needs to step in because their partner is paralyzed with fear or guilt.
We DO NOT have to suffer for others' failures.
Drama begats drama. It's not
Drama begats drama. It's not our job to "fix it." Sometime that kind of ultimatum works to motivate a partner to action and other times not so much.
The only thing anyone can really control is oneself.
For a lot of us it's a question of "Does the good outweigh the bad?" If the answer is "no" then it's time to move on. If the answer is "yes" then it may be worth putting up with some BS because the BS is only a small percentage of the entire picture.
And that's why I set boundaries
There were a number of times I told DH 'fix it or I will'. DH didn't, so I did. By setting boundaries with both SS. The youngest respected what I said, the OSS didn't. I had to be a bit more forceful with the OSS regarding some boundaries. That resulted in the OSS not coming around and I'm fine with that.