Group Text Message from my Boy Friends' Son in Law to myself and BF

Y'all know I'd like to think I have somewhat of a level head.  I have set back and watched and listened to so many different things when it comes to the relationship between y'all and us.  And now all I can go on is what I know.  I know from the state there has been tension, it's obvious to say the reasons why but I'm writing this and including y'all two becuase the reason of divorce, reason of jealousy, reason of angerm and miss understandings.  And I'm not trying to be miss understood.  I'd like to point out, although quick, I have stood up for y'all behind closed doors and been the voice of reason to his wife, (BF daughter), in most cases in respect to happiness for my BF.  It didn't matter what was said or done I'm a man of forgiveness and many second changes and try to show commpassion and understanding.  It takes a log to get me to the point I am.  Everyone has their moments.  So what I see is a relationship that was once strong being broken.  What I see is every time we try to make peace and an olive brach is given there is another issue.  What I see is a little girl (his 4 year DD with his ex wife) that says she misses two people (meaning me and BF), not just one that was with her every day almost for the span of about 2 years go to maybe once every few months, but also one that we spoke highly enough about she would wish to see you and your family and stay the night. (I invited BF daughter, DH and kids to go to a annual festival with myself, BF, and 2 of my GDD and his DD stayed the night).  I see a girl ignored who doesn't deserve it (talking about his DD).  I see every turn we take is a wrong turn or something or someone is rubbed wrong.  I see a daughter (talking about his DW) who had once not had the best relationship with her father turn to have the closest one with him and come to him more than me, then turn to rarely speaking.  I see a granddaughter and grandfather being drawn apart by outside forces.  (He means his DW and her Grandfather my BF Dad).  Hell even I am hurt by all this.  Whatever this is I don't know.  I don't know what story to believe who to listen to about who said what, who did what.  And this is the reason I'm including and coming to both of y'all.  Beacuse I don't want my words misconstructed through conversation.  Relationships that are being broken should not be tested as they have been.  We have reached out and tried to give so much compassion and understanding.  Maybe one day there can be reconciliation.  I'll be the first to admit faults, yet I find it hard to find where we have wronged either one of you so it's hard to reconcile where I don't see a wrong done on a party.  If so please tell us so we can get back to better relationships.   

My reply:  I really do wish to disuss these issue but not today.  I have my GDD here and it is the 2nd anniversary of my late DH's death.  

Message from my BF to us both:   DD needed to be added to this text message. Dropping the ball on SGD is on me.  She should have been invited to begin with.  I've allowed myself to be pulled away from my SGD and that I'm truly sorry.  The whole weekend was not a good weekend.  Like I said I'm most upset with myself about SGD.  

Boy Friends' Son in Law reply:  By the GD and GP I was referring to (his wife and her grandfather) and the travel trailer incident.  DD being invited or not wasn't the issue.  There's not an expectation of every time someone does something with some they have to do it with everyone.  It was the reactions that came after that was uncalled for.  I know you tried to invite my DW and DD to skate and she said no after everything.  But you did (My BF), just you.  You can not be the one to fix everything and mend everyone's relationships.  I'm only coming into this knowing I can't fix anything either.  But I'm still trying to find a way to repair whatever has been done to get back to  better standings.  

My reply: 

I'm sorry an arguement bwtween me and my boyfriend about our parents (who have been living together for the last 3 years) attending an event that my BF didn't want them to attend was assumed to be about something else by other people.  I also want to ask why your DW didn't get out of the car with your DD and say Hello to any of us?  My BF went to greet your DW his DD when it became obvious that she wasn't going to greet anyone.  While they were visiting I sent my BF a text saying I was inviting my Mom he glanced at my text but didn't read it.  I ask my GDD if they wanted GiGi to come they said yes so I called my Mom, she asked her BF and they decided to come  I tried giving my Mom directions she gave the phone to her BF my BF's Dad.  He sounded very confused by my directions so I got out of my truck to take the phone to my BF so he could explain to his Dad how to get to us.  My BF took my phone and I turned around and went back to my running truck and GDD's.  My BF talked on the phone a few seconds and went back to visiting with his DD. Finally my BF came over to my truck and we exchanged nasty words in front of my GDD's  To say I was upset is putting it mildly.  I drove away.  He called, we talked and decided to push our issues askide and put of a happy face and go inside.  I had never been to this place so had to get registered and get my GDD's set all the while worrying that my Mom and BF wouldn't be able to find the place. After everyone was organized I went out front to wait for our parents.  I am sorry that with all that happening that I did not stop to thing about your daughter.  I am very sorry that she felt ignored or hurt in the process of all this.  I know you don't know me very well but I would never intentionally hurt a childs feeling.  I love all kids.  I take fully responsibility for not greeting your daughter the was she deserved.  

I have read through your texts many times and it seems as though you place the issues with my BF and his daughter's relationship on me.  You state that they had such a wonderful relationship and implied that I am the reason they no longer do.  I seem to remember many times my BF coming to work (we have worked together for over 15 year) and us discussing our fitness and being told his DD invited him over to run and then wouldn't go so he started running with her dog. (This was before during and after the divorce from BF ex wife and was the 2 year span that he refers to in his message).  I remeber 1 time my then co-worker coming in and saying you asked him to leave and him being worred about wearing out his welcome with y'all. I did feel that my BF may have been way too involved when your parents are contacting him for a 2 hour discussion on how to resolve on goiing issue with their relationship with his DD your DW.  It seem like I also remember your DW going 2 months without even talking to her Dad over a camper or something.  I sent a text to your DW asking what her Dad did that was so wrong that she wouldn't even talk to him.  To this day no one knows but my text brought them back together.  YAY me!  What was your DD told during this time when she asked to talk to my BF?  I even reached out to your DW to ask what the problem was when we are all invited to your home and she didn't talk to me or my Mom who never did anything to anyone and didn't deserve to be treated that way. (I'm serious this girl didn't even say hello or welcome no offer of food or drink she spoke only to her DH, her Dad and kids she didn't even say Hello to her own Grandfather her DH did all the hosting duties).  She did apologize for my Mom and offer condolences because my Mom had just lost her dog.  All was good.  I feel like I too have continued to extend the olive branch so many times with Thansgiving dinner and the Festival and countless other dinners.  I want my BF to be happy and I want to form relationships with the people who are important to him.  My BF and I do struggle in our relationship and are tring to find a balance that works for both of us when it comes to family life.  Your text makes me feel like the horrible girlfriend who is trying to steal your wife's Daddy away.  I am a woman who like most women want to feel like I am the priority in my man's life.  We are in love and want to spend every second together at this stage in our relationship.  You haver to remember the honeymoon stage where all you wanted in the world was to be alone with your wife.  My BF has stated athae he feels like he is tring to please 2 crazy needy women.  I feel like the only woman in his life he should be trying to please is me the woman he is living with and has talked of marrying.  I may be wrong about all this and probably shouldn't have said half the things that I did but your text made me feel like I have to defend myself.