Strange relationship

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Hi StepTalk, I am new to this forum, thank goodness for a space to share with others that are in a similar situation, I apologize in advance for grammar mistakes, I'm not a native speaker and I don't live in US. I'm in a relationship with my SO of five years who has two daughters OSD38 and YSD35, he has been divorced for 22 years and they don't live with him. I have OBS20 and YBS18 who has autism. One month into our relationship I met OSD who told me how YSD gave a very hard time to his past girlfriend of 15 years and how my SO made a mistake by bringing the girlfriend with three of them for a vacation after they were together for only six months. He never lived with that girlfriend, it was somewhat strange to me. After I met YSD within half an hour she talked very bad about this said girlfriend to me. YSD was very friendly with me, i gave her very nice gift for her birthday, when my birthday came I got nothing from her. My SO joked once that we are going to have a baby, it caused drama with YSD, lots of yelling and it took much assurance that he was only joking so she could calm down. One year into our relationship me and SO went on our vacation, after few days YSD joined us for ten days and slept with us in a room, also strange to me, but my SO told me it was normal for them, so having never been an SM i thought maybe it is normal, what do i know. When we went for evening out they would walk embraced and I would be behind, she constantly talked to him in a baby voice, sat on his lap cuddling with him in front of me. I was feeling like a bad SM thinking I was being jealous of his daughter, so I left them alone and went home. After few days he called me to come back, that she went to her sisters in a nearby town. I came back and everything was wonderful, after few days she called him to come to visit her and OSD and I asked him if I was going with him, he said of course, also his car was in repair shop so we had only mine to go to visit. When we met with YSD and OSD for an evening of hanging out she was livid when she saw that he brought me along. It was very unpleasant evening with her not talking at all with me, ignoring me while OSD talked normally with me. When the evening was coming to an end my SO suggested we went for a walk, he was quite nervous and freitful so he hugged YSD and walked with her while OSD and me tagged behind. After that I didn't see YSD for months, and my SO went to work to another country so we were long distance relationship. After six months he came for a 20 day vacation, and YSD wanted a party thrown for him in a bar with live music, I wanted to be with him home for a few days and not a party the same evening that he came, OSD also wasn't up for a party and we told YSD that. All hell broke loose, she was texting OSD bad stuff about me how I'm meddling where I don't belong, my OSD showed me the texts, and also told me that YSD texted my SO angry and he told her that the party is on even if only him and her went, without me and OSD. Apparently YSD bragged about this to OSD. I asked my SO if it was true and he said that he only said that to calm her. The evening of party came and YSD was in my SO embrace most of the evening, he wasn't even standing near me, it was him in a tight embrace with YSD, next to them OSD and then me. The embrace was so tight that her behind was on his crotch and her head sometimes on his shoulder, she is petit and my SO is very tall. I was fuming, but chalked it up to me being jealous of a daughter and I felt very bad for that. He once told YSD that he wanted to marry me, he was proposing this to me for some time, but I wanted to wait, she wasn't pleased, didn't say anything in front of me, after that he never again proposed or was interested in marriage, even told me, when I aked what's changed, it was only a paper. We survived that, and I living in a different city didn't see very much of YSD anymore, and OSD only when she came for a vacation near my city. Me and my SO started having issues because of long distance relationship, so we broke up couple of times but the love was stronger so we always returned to each other, my OSD told me my SO confided about our problems to YSD every time we broke up. Now five years into our relationship and I am having issues about finding out that his daughters don't want my YBS near them because of his autism. This year my SO came to vacation to my city to be with me, after not seeing each other for eight months, after a month OSD came for three days to my city for a one night job, and she asked my SO that she wants to be with him only for that days, that she doesn't want my YBS near and she doesn't need that stress, for three days my SO didn't call me and didn't see me and after OSD went away he came running to me telling me how much he missed me, so I asked him was it not possible to call me and to invite me if only for an hour, because in those three days they were hanging out with relatives, how much of a bother am I and my YBS to her so that he couldn't do that. And also he was sleeping with OSD in bed for three days, that to me was sick, I told him he could have came in night to sleep with me. He got angry with me and told me I'm being jealous of his daughter, and that I'm saying he doesn't have the right to be with his daughter for three days without interruption. He convinced me basically that I'm crazy, so I let go of that and we continued enjoying our time together, even though I felt hurt every time I remembered that three days. Couple of days after my YSD who married in the third year of our relationship was traveling through my city with her husband and called my SO to come meet them for a lunch and hanging out, but told him to come alone because they didn't want my YBS interrupting their hanging out. SO was with them from morning till evening and messaged me how he missed me. To note OSD and YSD don't see my sons much, in this five years they saw them maybe four five times, once for Christmas dinner and other times for an hour top, through a cousin I also found out that YSD was more than angry that SO invited my sons to Christmas, and wrote messages expressing hate towards my YBS to that cousin. After all that I started researching the internet to see if I'm crazy and I found this forum. So am I or they are in a strange relationships all together my SO, OSD and YSD.

I would let this one go

Your SO has a very unhealthy relationship with his daughters and that's a kind understatement. Ick. I'd let him go so he can do his thing with them if thats what he thinks is normal. And, that's not to mention the unkindness to your son.

You're not wrong, your instinct is telling you this isnt right. Dump him and find a guy who wants an adult woman.

Thank you for your response,

Thank you for your response, yes I'm considering breaking up for good.

I would too. He's not

I would too. He's not available because he already has two wives. He treats you as an afterthought and your sons like an embarrassment. You deserve to be a priority and your sons treated like humans.

Thanks for your response. I

Thanks for your response. I feel like I lost perspective of what's normal. For example being in a long distance relationship he calls me two three times a day. Now YSD went for a visit to see where OS lives , she is staying for a week with him, and since she arrived he doesn't call, he sends texts how he misses me and loves me. It's not normal is it? He tells me he now is with his daughter and he gives her attention, I asked him if they are sleeping together that he can not call before he goes to sleep, he said that they aren't sleeping together, that that was only before for lack of climatized space.

No, none of this is normal.

Have you tried calling him out on things? Like when he cuddles his daughter when you're there, have you ever said "Hey! What about me?" Or when they walk ahead of you, remind him that YOU not his married daughter are his partner? Make them uncomfortable. He doesn't seem to understand the difference between a partner and a (an adult) child. Truly, things will never change so if you're OK with him treating you like his bit on the side (and I don't think you are OK with that, few women would be) keep seeing him. Otherwise, dump him, leave him to his mini-wives and tel yourself that he is going to be a very lonely old man because his pet harpies are not going to take him in and care for him when he gets old. Not your problem. Set yourself free, take your life back and wave goodbye to him in your rear-view mirror.

Personally, I think he had a damn cheek treating you like a mistress that he's ashamed to be seen with once his coven comes around.

I called him out two days ago

I called him out two days ago and he told me that he made a mistake in a previous relationship and YSD hated his former girlfriend and made that relationship hell, and he didn't want this repeated so he gives his full attention to YSD when he is with her. I sense he's afraid of YSD and guilt parenting her. His former girlfriend had two small children when they got together and he gave them attention and was building good relationship with them but YSD then 13, attacked him telling him he has his daughters and these children are not his, and that he neglected her and OSD by acting towards those children like they are his. YSD and OSD told him to choose between them and he froze relationship with his then girlfriend's children. OSD told me it was ugly how YSD hated this girlfriend. He said he only wants peace and that his daughters love me.

An example of him being in an inappropriate relationship with

his own daughters.

He let a 13yo own him. She still owns him. So does his elder incest partner naughter.

A mate does not alienate their partner for anyone. Including children.

That he is letting his adult children own him and you, is pathetic.

You are not crazy. He sleeps

You are not crazy. He sleeps with his adult daughters. He treats YSD like a lover.

It is better being alone than being with the wrong person. He is definitely the wrong person for any woman because of his creepy relationships with his daughters.

Love yourself more and make the break permanent.

I broke up (what i thought

I broke up (what i thought permanently) with him a year ago and three days later he was calling me having a stroke in his place of work, being airlifted for an emergency surgery. I was shocked and revoked break up immediately, telling him how much I loved him and that I will be there for him always. I immediately wanted to get into my car to go be by his side and then remembered that he is in a country too far away to go by car. So I searched for next flight, meantime OSD came to my house and told me to calm down and wait for few days before going to him because he was being flown to a distant main city where I didn't have anywhere to stay and that OS also contacted her and told her that we come when he is released from the hospital. I was unhappy with that but honoured his wishes all the more because I had broken up with him only three days before. I thought his daughters would come with, but OSD told me she had to work because of her bad finances and YSD already spent all vacation time this year. I was incredulous, they weren't going to travel to see him, not knowing if he was going to survive the surgery or going to have consequences of stroke. I went as soon as he was released from the hospital, and took care of him for a month leaving my YBS in care of his father. Fortunately SO being in a country with a great health care system didn't suffer consequences of a stroke and was almost as before in a month. When we came back together to our country we met with OSD and YSD and they told him that he was neglecting his health and that not to think they would put their life on hold to take care of him if he had suffered consequences of a stroke, i was shocked hearing such harsh words, I told him I would take care of him always and life is not put on hold if you are with someone you love. For a month he was very depressed and angry because of theirs words, and he told me he was going to live his life with me from now on, and that they were adults who can take care of them selves. Then YSD came and had a talk with him and he told me it was a misunderstanding, that they didn't mean what they said and it was said out of fear of loosing him. Ok, sounded like gaslighting to me.

You realize.. unfortunately..

He wants this unhealthy relationship with his DD. DD is on a higher level then you. You are a bed warmer until he gets time with DD. Nothing will ever change with your SO. The only thins that can possibly change is you leaving What I would do. I would not live in a relationship where I get no respect. Not number one. I would not be paying for SO / SD playing around having a better relationship then you

You are not crazy.

Your SO is in at best an emotionally incestuous relationship with his daughters. That he shares a bed with his adult daughters, I would guess the incest is physical as well.

After sleeping with his daughter, he gaslights you accusing you of being jelouse of his inappropriate behaviors.

Stop torturing yourself. You don't need this pervert or his mini-wife lover daugthers in your live. Neither do your sons.

Welcome by the way. I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family/SP dream.

Take care of you. And stop sacrificing yourself on the alter of martyrdom to this man and his perverted shallow and polluted gene pool.

He said he would rather sleep

He said he would rather sleep with me, but he has to give his daughters attention they demand. I sense he's guilt parenting them and they take advantage of this. His OSD is not good financially so she asks him money he provides, I don't mind because we don't live together and our finances are separated fully. He's a guilty dad and he wears rose colored glasses. OSD and YSD both act like they are owners of both their parents. They also almost ruined their mother's relationship with her's boyfriend of now nine years, hated the poor guy and teamed against him. Also their mother has some health issues and they made her write a will so that her boyfriend doesn't have anything if she dies and they can toss him out of her apartment immediately if that happens.

In what universe is it even

In what universe is it even remotely considered normal for a man to choose to sleep with his adult daughters rather than his wife?

This is never going to change because he's happy with the situation as it is. He is a very sick man if he can't see how wrong all this is

Have you ever mentioned his sleeping arrangements to any of his friends? Bring this sick stuff out into the open.

"He said he would rather

"He said he would rather sleep with me, but he has to give his daughters attention they demand."

The attention they demand. IN BED. And she's 38. Seriously ew.

Also I hate it when YSD calls

Also I hate it when YSD calls him when we are together, they speak for two three hours and that's not the issue, but when he tells me his master is calling, what in hell , I would never tell if my sons call me that my masters are calling.

Ditch him

Too weird.

If he is still sleeping with

If he is still sleeping with them and crotch-rubbing their butts when they are in their mid-late 30s, this will never change. Seriously, this is what you get with this guy. He may be "guilt parenting", but he should be *done parenting.* Seriously icky and dysfunctional.

CREEPY AF

My ex was like that with his daughter. It was the most sick creepy relationship I ever witnessed.

Run dear lady RUN.

You will NEVER be treated properly cuz he is too busy screwing his daughters . Figuratively but borderline literally.

RUN

Im in Camp Icky Dootchie

He has "normalized" this behavior for himself, they have "normalized" this behavior with each other (OSD and YSD are probably competing with each other), and now HE is trying to normalise this with YOU.

But you know better. I think writing it out has really helped you realize this is NOT NORMAL. Its GROSS. Its INCEST.

The thing is, you can do all the reading and research and understand where and whys. You can document everything perfectly. You can create a slideshow with animated bullet points, and diagrams. NONE of it will make a difference.

Because he will NOT CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR.

And guess what: He wont because he doesnt want anything to change. Sorry, not really sorry. Hes got all of you competing for his attention and love. Its intoxicating is my guess. Does this knowledge and understanding make it more acceptable?

Plus he is allowing you to be mistreated as well as your son. He is allowing this. Read these comments everyday. Youve been gaslit and love bombed alternately for a long time, it will take time to undo that.

Do searches on key words like mini-wife, emotional incest, spousification of child. To further cement this.

And take care of you. His daughters have shown they will ditch their parents and screw over their partners. Youve got your bios that need you, and you are an indpendent person, you dont need this in your life.

Thank you for your response.

Thank you for your response. Have been researching for a week now, haven't been really aware before how this is sick, for five years i thought I'm in the wrong and being bad person feeling jealous of YSD. Since I'm aware I'm calling him out on things, he's considering what I'm saying and changing slowly. It doesn't help that he had prior relationship of fifteen years after divorce in which his girlfriend didn't do anything to make him understand that he's starting to have sick relationship with his daughters, she was always stepping back in favour of his then teenage daughters who were jealous of her small children and her, she insisted that he had his alone time with them thinking that they would accept her if she did that, they actually broke up because of his depression that almost ruined him financially. So I'm giving it a try to see if he actually can change now that I'll be pointing out to him how this is unacceptable.

If you try to make him see

If you try to make him see the light, all you will succeed in doing is to draw the wrath of both his daughters upon you.

You might have a chance if you use the shock value of exposing his incestuous tendancies to his friends and family. Do it as if you're joking. When either he or one of his daughters gets angry, play the innocent, after all they've been telling you it was normal for years.

I'm wondering whether either of th harpies has ever been married or been in a serious relationship? If they have, how did their partner react to the sleeping situation?

Having said all that, I would be out of there so fast you wouldn't see me for dust, The chances them changing are slim to none so why waste any more of your time?

OSD was in a long

OSD was in a long relationship which ended because of her boyfriend's alcoholism, but she told me much of theirs trouble was because of her relationship with my SO, her boyfriend couldn't understand it that her father regularly goes out with them like they're friends. Now she is in a relationship with a guy who has a 13 year daughter from failed marriage, good guy but very much below her. Her boyfriend's daughter has much problems living with her disabled mother, I asked my OSD why he doesn't take his daughter to help her grow up to be competent adult, my OSD told me if he brought his daughter to live with them she would walk away that second. YSD was in many short relationships, those breaking because of her possessiveness and jealousy. Finally two years ago she met her now husband, there were problems like him going to travel with his friends ( which was arranged and paid for before their relationship started) and her wanting to break up because he should be with her all the time, but him being obedient from then on made them marry, he participates in this strange relationship between my SO and YSD, I think cause he doesn't know any better (he lost his father very young), YSD and him give my SO gifts all the time, but strange gifts like tennis shoes and t shirts. For the sleeping arrangements I'm told that it was only because the big room, in which my SO sleeps when he comes to his small house near my town, is climatized and other two rooms aren't and get impossible to sleep in during summer. Still strange to me, because i would rather sleep in hot room then with my father in bed, or with my father and stepmother in the same room. He even told me how OSD complained about his snoring and breathing, how she couldn't sleep because of him and he was very hurt because of that and told me he was sorry that he didn't come at night to sleep with me( it's half hour drive), I asked him why he didn't, he said OSD in problems because BM of hers SD sued her boyfriend for alimony and she needed my SO to vent and cry.

This will never get any

This will never get any better. Save yourself and run as far and as fast as you can.

If you seduce your DH every time his incest daughters show up

that will end their crap.

Literally, every time. Get naked, climb in bed, and have sex with your DH even is one of his cheat daugthers is in the bed.

I know. Extreme. But... it will solve the problem.

Unless she joins in. The

Unless she joins in. The whole thing is perverse. Just leave it all behind and move on.

As usual, I did not think it through that far.

Well, couldn't do it anyways,

Well, couldn't do it anyways, he doesn't touch me much when they're close. That time that YSD slept with us in the same room (not bed thank god) on vacation he didn't touch me at all, of course I wasn't asking when she was in the room but in the morning when she went for a breakfast or a walk, still he didn't want to touch me, he was angry with me for even suggesting because she could walk in and also he had to get up join her.

And you don't think there's

And you don't think there's anything sexual between them? Why didn't you bring him up sharpish for treating you like an utter stranger in his daughter's presence?

PS

We have had more than one poster here leave her husband because he was screwing his daughter. Sorry, I can't remember their names (can anyone help me here?).

Incest

I typed incest keyword into the search box.

Most recently - Lillywy00

Yes!

Was one Olivia2020?

I think so.

Kids in healthy families (blended or otherwise) know that their

parents are intimate.

Growing up, my parents had the rule that we had to knock on their closed bedroom door.

Even with that, I walked in on my parents a humber of times growing up.

Vacations were more challenging as often we were in the same room. I barged into a few hotel rooms during my teens and 20s and interrupted mom and dad.

Not on purpose. Though we did have some good laughs over it a couple of times. A few times over the years, once I learned some subtlety, I made sure to quietly avoid letting them know I was present and quetly retreated to respect their privacy.

That my parents modled a healthy passionate life partnership for us is one of the many reasons I cherish them.

Ew

Sounds like he's having an emotional affair with his daughters. This is creepy and unhealthy all the way around. Save yourself and get away from him and the sick mess he created.

No. Winnable. Solution.

This man and his adult daughters are all sick together. Read up on Enmeshment - this is the worst case I've seen on StepTalk. It's devolved into incest.

Your SO uses words to confuse you and persuade you to stick around, but it's only his actions you should be weighing. He sleeps with you, AND he sleeps with them. It's gross and inappropriate, and he doesn't want to stop because he likes it.

You need to wake up from the spell he's cast. Where are your standards? Is this who you want to be?? Get these disgusting, damaged people out of your life.

Like Yoda said...

There is another (as in REALLY super bad incest poster)

Olivia2020. She has deleted much of what she posted, and has left, but there are a few resudual posts, on what she was experiencing post-stepincesthe!!

https://www.steptalk.org/blog/olivia2020/post-hell-encountersjust-need-s...

And the incest was blatant...

And the incest was blatant... read her posts and consider whether you've seen similar. I'm sorry.

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