After SD moved out, I started to feel a strange vibe from her. At first she seemed distant. DH wasn't worried. SD is very introverted and somewhat self-centred and he had already predicted that we wouldn't hear much from her unless she needed something. But it seemed like more to me. We still saw them at least once a month, and it felt like something was "off". I noticed knowing glances between her and her SO when I referenced the early days of mine and DH's relationship. DH and I got together very soon after my separation and many people assumed we'd had an affair (we didn't). But DH and his ex had already been apart for 2 years by then, so even if we had had an affair, it wouldn't have had any inpact on her OG.l family. But SD is also very judgemental and would think anyone who had an affair was irredeemable. Still, we were 7 years in by this point, so it didn't make sense to me that it would be an issue now. I did wonder if SD's SO did the math and questioned her about it, but my DH said I was imagining it. I also started to notice things about SD's SO that were confusing. Things that started to make me wonder if their relationship was unequal in terms of decision making. And he seemed to have some delusions of grandeur when he spoke about their future plans. But for the most part, everything was peaceful and everyone still got along very well. 
 

Sometime in 2020, SD and her SO got engaged. We expected a long engagement because covid was happening and I new SD wanted a wedding. She had been keeping a pinterest board for quite some time and my DH's family is big. So we were surprised when they announced that they were going to het married at City Hall and have a small dinner afterward for immediate family and her two living grandparents (16 people in total). DH and I offered to pay for the dinner and SD was delighted. She thanked us profusely. And then she went quiet. It was like oulling terth to try to get the details so we could plan for the expense. Finally, we asked her directly how much the dinner would be per person. She feigned ignorance and asked us why we wanted to know.  We reminded her that we were paying and she said we needed to talk to SO about it. That led to a telephone call between DH and me, and SD and SO. During the conversation, SO repeatedly said that it was important to both SD and him that they pay for the wedding themselves. SD was silent for most of the conversation. 

Now, I'm a european girl. Parents pay. That's just how it is. My dad even gave me money to cover the expenses of my second wedding (at the age if 49!). And I'm pushy. So I decided that I would try to call their venue and pay anyway. I knew that SO's parents had also wanted to pay, so I contacted his mother to see if they wanted to split it (I didn't want to step on their toes). Of course, I was wrong in doing this. It's my SD and SO's toes I would be stepping on. When I spoke to. SO's mother, she said that she was disappointed about not contributing but that she wanted to respect their wishes. Which knocked me into reality and made me concede that we also needed to respect their wishes. So we decided to give them the money as a gift and not interfere. Now here's the weird part. I told SO about my conversation with his mother and told him that his mother must have thought I was crazy. Laughing at myself, I said "repect their wishes? Who would ever think to do that?". SO laughed heartily and said the whole thing was hilarious. He said that his mother would never think ill of me because he had always told her that I'm "the nicest person you could ever meet". I said "you mean the pushiest" and we laughed some more. About a week later, SS came for a visit, and told DH and me that SO was "furious" with me for attempting to pay for the wedding behind their backs (keep in mind, I never actually did that, and I was clear with SO that I was wrong, and SO laughed about it with me, with no hint of annoyance). DH and I thought SS was joking, but he was insistent that SO was furious. We were confused, and assumed that SS had misunderstood something. 
 

In October 2021, SD and her SO got married. It was wonderful. SD's mom and I worked together to arrange and pay for a limo-bus to transport all 16 of us together. SD's mom shared everything with me, included insisting that I be in the "mom" pictures. When the limo dropped us at home after the event, DH and I were happy. We thought "this is it, we pulled it off, all the years of careful planning and nurturing relationships had paid off". I was still remembering my 2 childhood friends and the terrible politics that were involved in their weddings. We were ecstatic that SD hadn't had to deal with that. A month later, we hosted a small recpetion, with the couple's blessing, for some of DH's relatives who hadn't been at the wedding. SD and her new DH seemed to be very appreciative and thankful for our efforts. All was good.