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Sooo…. The new school year is coming

kalaodell's picture

Submitted by kalaodell on Sun, 07/09/2023 - 8:28pm

So SD starts her program that MIL signed her up for tomorrow, she knows she's to pick her up and drop her off. I went and did a bit of school shopping today for my DD, is it normal to feel bad that I didn't think of SD while at the store, I ended up getting my DD a pair of Adidas & puma shoes. Should I feel guilty? I always feel bad when I buy DD stuff and I don't buy SD stuff. Is there anyway to look past it without feeling guilty 

Comments

Survivingstephell's picture

Submitted by Survivingstephell on Sun, 07/09/2023 - 8:59pm

SD has two parents that are responsible for buying her clothes and shoes.  You are doing your job by taking care of your BD.  

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sun, 07/09/2023 - 9:15pm

Do not feel at all guilty. You are under zero obligation to do anything for SD. It wont be appreciated anyway, no gold stars, and you would be taking away from DD. SD has her parents and you are not one of them.

Ask me how I know!

I used to spend and pay and do for SD17 Powersulk. I was unemployed for like a month and used an unemployment check to do back to school shopping for her. Do you think I was at all appreciated? Nope. Not at all. Zip, Zero, Zilch. Did I get that money back? NOPE.

Your kiddo needs your time, resources, and energy and anything that you give to SD takes away from her.

And dont feel at all guilty that you are doing your job as a parent. Its not up to you to "make things fair" between your bio and skid.

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Mon, 07/10/2023 - 7:15am

I think that sweet of you to consider your stepdaughter when you're buying for your kid 

I would say IF you have a surplus and want to purchase shoes for her then do so. 
 

Just be careful you don't get used for your wallet though because some of these bio moms and dads just use stepparents for their resources. Then it becomes an expectation and not something optional. 
 

I make sure to let this dude here know "IF I have the resources to help you I will. If I don't you need to accept NO as the final answer. And my resources spent on the step kid are OPTIONAL not an expectation because I'm not that kids bio parents where providing for them is not optional"

Dont feel guilty because you're not obligated like the bioparents are. 

sonicoh's picture

Submitted by sonicoh on Tue, 07/11/2023 - 7:47pm

I have felt guilty on occasion as well... sometimes it's a struggle since BS is always there and the SS's are not. Mostly for things like treats and what not. But I do try to intentionally find things to do for them when they are with us. 
I do typically choose to buy school supplies for SS's (I like school supplies!). DH and I try to work together to make sure the kids are always taken care of, since BM seems to never be able to afford it.