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Ended relationship with SS and family.

Donnadreams's picture

It’s been a long time since I have written. I am very sad because of something that I’ve just done. I thought it would bring me closure but it’s just made me heartbroken.  A little background. Last June, my stepson called my husband and said that he, his wife, and stepdaughter were coming up to visit us for a week at Christmas. They live outside of Dallas, we live outside of Savannah. My husband was so excited because he had not seen his son in a couple of years when we drove to their home for his stepdaughter‘s high school graduation. We also had visited his son, as we were taking a tour of the country, We swung back through Texas to visit them. They have never been to see us. They do, however, go visit his mother in Maryland quite often , We believe that the mother may pay for their way.  We had not heard anything from my stepson as to when they were coming up at Christmas. We had canceled all plans, including a cruise for my birthday in Switzerland Austria and Germany, so we could be with them  I called them on Thanksgiving Day only to find that they were all up in Maryland visiting my stepson‘s mother and his sister, with whom we have no contact. I asked, as I was on the speakerphone, when they were coming up so that I could make plans for Christmas.   His wife, whom I though I was close with, lied to me saying she was trying to change plane ticket dates. My stepson blurted out that she was lying and that they hadn’t bought any tickets and had no intention of coming up  I was so angry at this calculated blatant lie. It crushed my husband’s spirits, and his health has taken a downward turn because of this.  I had given my stepson‘s wife, an heirloom diamond ring, because she broke her engagement ring that he gave her. What he gave her was a cheap 1/4 carat diamond ring , I gave her the ring my husband gave me when we renewed our vows, which was worth over $8000!   I was so mad at her lie, I wrote to my stepson and told him to send the ring back to me.  When I gave him the ring, I told him if she ever treated his father, or me, with disrespect, the ring came back.  We then found at Thanksgiving, my stepson’s wife laughed and said they were never coming to visit us, as long as she was in charge.  I literally saw red We found out that the wife is very close with my husband’s ex.  This may explain why we never could get close to her, or the daughter.  I ended my relationship with my stepson and his wife and daughter.   My husband ended his relationship with the wife and daughter.  The son has known her feelings all along but never was honest enough, or adult enough, to discuss.
 

DPW's picture

How horrible!  I'm am so sorry this happened.
 

it is expected for you to go through a range of emotions after this has been done to you. And you have every right to feel all of these emotions. Give yourself time and a break. You've gone through a lot.
 

I would demand that ring back as well. It may have tainted memories for you for some time but hold onto it for a while. If you are done with the ring (fairly!) then sell it and get yourself that cruise you missed or something better! 

And resolve to continue with the ending of the relationship. People who do these things do not change. Keep yourself away and at peace. You deserve it.

DPW's picture

I've read your previous posts and blog, and it is worse for you overall than the content of this blog alone for you. I hope you and your DH have sought counselling. You really do deserve support, guidance. It is unforgivable what the SD and her lot have done, as well as the SS and his lot.

Help empower yourselves to enjoy these later years. Without a thought to those people. Live the best lives, ultimate revenge Wink

Newimprvmodel's picture

But one positive is that your husband supports you and doesn't have blinders on like so many. I could have written some of what you wrote. SD was invited early on this year for Christmas. She has never ever spent a holiday with us in over 15 yrs.  Told us her and her husband wanted GI stay home in their city this year. 
so when we saw her several months ago she slipped and was telling a story how she saw her sister in law " at Christmas".  She goes to her in laws or her mothers but refuses to come here. Of DH didn't notice and if I had pointed it out he would say who cares?!  
I don't think you will get the ring back unfortunately. These people sound despicable and cruel. But again imagine if you husband pretended to be oblivious to it all. I think you and he need to take that cruise you wanted. Enjoy life and forget about the $&@@.  

Donnadreams's picture

Thanks so much for responding.  The ring is being delivered via FedEx tomorrow.  I told my SS I would take him to court!

BobbyDazzler's picture

They clearly don't respect you and/or your DH and don't want a relationship with ether of you. What have you got to lose!?? Absolutely nothing. I'd have threatened my oldest SS with court as well. I hope the ring arrived safely. Hock it and take that cruise. I hope your DH is feeling better. 

Harry's picture

You know where you stand.  Rebook your holiday for this Christmas.   Go to a Germany beer garden and have one or more for DIL 

Rags's picture

Regardless of who they may be.

Live your best life.  Living well is the best revenge.

Enjoy living your revenge.

Good riddance.

CLove's picture

Just wow. SDIL - whelp you now know exactly where you stand.

Its not uncommon for the BM to have all the love and loyalty, especially if she has grown close with SDIL.

Imagine the nice vacations you can take, and all the money you will be saving. No presents for them, no canceling plans for them. 

If SS divorces SDToxic DIL, you might have a chance at reparations, but for now, drown your sorrows in a beautiful new trip.

Donnadreams's picture

I want to thank all of you for responding to my comments about my step parenting problems.  It's been a heartbreaking three decade problem.  I received the ring in the mail today.  It went back into my jewelry box where it will stay until I die and is given to someone I love in my family.  I just find it sad that we, who are introduced to step children, who have so much love to give are treated so horribly.  Take care my fine people, I will try to live my remaining life happy.

Donnadreams's picture

Why do you think 50% of my problem is SO.  He has supported me in the attacks his adult children try to impose on me.

Rags's picture

That is where I got the 50% from.

Not 50% of your problem. 50% of the outcome of these nasty adult spawn. Who are THE problem.

That your DH keeps his rude Kidults in line and confronts them for their disrespect towards you is great to hear. Sadly, for many SParents, it is rare.

Stressed19's picture

I had a similar experience. Sad, but toxic bio moms  can influence their children in many ways! If they choose toxiticy and disrespect for bio dad, what can you expect as a step-parent??? 
 

My step-daughter has zero relationship with bio dad. Short version, bio mom and ongoing court issues (8 years now)..... As soon as step-daughter turned 18, bio mom told her "everything" that has and is happening at court (her version of course).

So daughter feels dad and I (step parent) have been attacking her mommy... 

I tried reaching out and was threatened with a Protection Order..... This is a child that I lived with for 7 years, that I never had any problems with or never disrespected in any way.... She know me well...  

I guess a cautious warning.... Do not put to much effort or money into stepchildren... Love them be there for them, but do not expect much in return! 

 

 

 

Patience2000's picture

I'm surprised you have the ring back. I'm so happy for you. Be kind to you and your husband.

 

Donnadreams's picture

Yes, I told my SS he would be standing in front of a judge if I did not receive!