Haven’t been here in a while….
Things somehow got somewhat better, I tried to disengage myself from the situation but realized that it was going to be very hard as our family dinamic depends on it....
update from last time:
SD is 12 and she no longer sleeps in our room yaiii!! Still dad sleeps with her on her 2 days when she is no on the weekends here, and her last two days when she is going to leave, supposedly because SD will miss him so much she wants to have that with him. She also made DH go to court again to pretty much have minimum contact with either of them when she is at eithers house, well that backfire because of course mom being the control freak she is, now basically stalks SD in school and has been trying to become a unforgettable mother to her daughter yeii it only took me being in the picture.... BMterrorist insist that SD needs therapy because she lies a lot which shocking she just lies because she is still trying to not throw her mom under the bus and hurt her feelings( but screw my dads).....
anywhooo I just had to vent because honestly sometimes this gets annoying and unfair, because my kids get maximum punishments and mind you they are 5(disable daughter with lots of different issues)and 16 months who is learning, but dad literally sometimes treats them horrible and SD too specially when she defends BMterrorist but she gets no concequences for ber bad behaviors at all like nothing, and when I complain why our minor kids who are literally learning and we should be patient with get treated like shit sometimes and her who actually stands by her mom and agrees with her, then comes to our home and tries to run things and talks bad and is rude gets nothing just because she is only here 50% of the time and teaching her lessons won't really do much since she will get damage by her mother.... idk it just makes no sense to me at all.. but hey it is what it is, what else can I say or do..
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" she is only here 50% of the
" she is only here 50% of the time and teaching her lessons won't really do much since she will get damage by her mother."
That is such a cop-out! She's spending half of her life with you so she should be learning things! Your DH has as much chance of teaching her to be a decent person as her mother does teaching her to do damage. Why doesn't he take advantage of that?
For what it's worth, his relationship with his daughter is pretty unhealthy. From the outside it looks as if he's catering to his own feelings when he's working on making her dependent on him (yes, he is, at 12 she should absolutely not need to sleep with daddy) and letting her away with murder when he ought to be teaching her life skills so that she can stand on her own two feet when she's an adult. Why doesn't he love her enough to be a real parent to her? Why is he only thinking of his own gratification and not her needs for structure, boundaries, learning? It's as if he considers her more as his "thing", something that belongs to him, rather than as his daughter.
Massive fail on his part.
Don’t get wrong!
And don't get me wrong he does talk to her actually tries, but he ends up feeling bad for her because of her mom and how she treats her, I just feel SD takes advantage of that since she knows that her dad will always be there to baby her, because she still defends her mom and will bend backwards out of fear or love who knows for her. But I express that it shouldn't matter what her mom chooses to do, each home has rules and boundaries that need to be in place, for the sake of everyone.
yes exactly I agree, sadly both of them do that so now you have a child who is super sloppy with everything and has this IDGF attitude about anything, always negative and what not.
Talking doesn't do much if
Talking doesn't do much if there are no consequences to back up the lesson. It sounds as if there are no consequences.
"Still dad sleeps with her...
"Still dad sleeps with her.... supposedly because SD will miss him so much she wants to have that with him."
Ew. Barf. She is 12, just no. If anybody gets to "have that with him", you know who it should be.
"she is only here 50% of the time and teaching her lessons won't really do much since she will get damage by her mother...."
If she is only with you 50% of the time, then she is only with her mother 50% of the time. Nobody will ever teach her anything. This is one reason 50/50 can be damaging imo. It's fair to the parents but often creates unnecessary drama and leaves the kids without any real parenting. Someone has to step up and make this girl a tolerable human with basic life skills. If neither bioparent has it in them, she will be a drain on your family for the rest of her life.
Also, to add, it's never too
Also, to add, it's never too late to do family therapy or go to parenting classes. I say this as someone who had their kids 50/50 for years. When i got my daughter full-time, i realized i had neglected some things, specifically having the kids participate more in household chores. They always did their own laundry and kept up their rooms and bathroom. But - when it came to the other 90% of stuff it takes to run a household, i did the reat because they were only here 50%. When she moved in, i started to feel like the servant of the house. We are in family therapy with a parenting coach to try and rectify that. It's helping.
Your DH sleeping with his 12 year old daughter is wrong.
Your DH sleeping with his 12 year old daughter is wrong. There is nothing you can say to justify that behavior. Do not be surprised if CPS shows up at your door because someone else reports this behavior.
It is also very concerning that he sometimes treats his other two children in a "horrible" manner. What does he do to them?
As far as what you can say and do - you can protect your children from DH when he is being "horrible" to them and you can refuse to sleep with him until he quits sleeping with his daughter.
I think a lot of kids who are
I think a lot of kids who are being abused don't realize they are being abused. They just think they are Daddy/Coach/Father O'Leary's special favorite. The fact that he sleeps with her and treats the others badly is alarming.
No, no, no, no.
No to your DH cosleeping with his miniwife at best emotional incest partner 12yo. No to him and you failing to set standards of behavior and performance that kids in your home will follow or suffer escalating misery inducing consequences.
Her ever being in your marital bed beyond a hug before going to her own room... pukeworthy. Her moving out of your marital bed and the two of them moving into her bed... really not much better IMHO.
Time to set your non negotiable standards for your marriage, your SO's behavior and the behavior of his 12yo miniwife failed family progeny.
IMHO.